There is NO BOUT ADOUT it my Yetikin, the End Times is among
us aHUFFING and aPUFFING and atrying to BLOW DOWN the House
of Dobbs. Upon this ROCK AND ROLL I have built my church, and
I'll be damned to humanity if I'll let the CON turn it into a
WALTZ or a DURGE.
Are we to take the admonishments of our elders, to make religion
a KICK ASS ADVENTURE, as some slick gimmick? NO NO NO, they have
MANY slick gimmicks but this is NOT ONE OF THEM.
Too long we have been pent up, wrapped in the cocoon of the Church,
warmed in the fires of alt.slack, beguiled by our own belief into
think WE are our OWN enemies, and IT SHOWS. Broken teeth embedded
in every one of us, from Stang's ancient snout to Selina's
otherwise unblemished butt. Which is fun -- FOR A WHILE. But then
comes the time to REACH OUT, to STRIKE OUT, to EXTEND your CLAWED
PENII and rip the abdomen of the CON open, as is your "Bob" given
right.
Children, I believe the time has come for action. Definitive,
concerted, decisive, offensive action against the forces of the
NOT QUITE EVIL ENOUGH, who are but an insidious creeping cold slime
mold growing upon your nental ife.
Would Dobbs have us kill HIM, and NO ONE ELSE? They killed Jesus and
gave Satan a subterranean stronghold and LOOK HOW THAT ONE worked out.
We're STILL picking the splinters out of THAT savior, who's a darn
nice guy when he's not being followed around by pitiful fools who'll
fuck children and kill whole cultures in His Name.
You can only sharpen your teeth for so long before you wind up
grinding them down to nothing and have to eat the brains of your
enemies through a straw, and that's no way to celebrate X-day. There
comes a time when we must WHUP IT or GO DOWN.
"BOB" DIDN'T INTEND FOR YOU TO GO DOWN WITHOUT TRYING TO WHUP IT.
Who among us will show us the way to stand before King Bullet and
TAKE ONE for "Bob"? WHERE are the forces of the SLAK Squad, the
A-Team of this Missionary Opposition? WHERE are the Armies of
Suicide Bobbies, the disposable arsenal of the Disposable Savior?
Well, now, I just don't see them. Nope, I just see you and me.
It looks like US is THEM.
I say it's time to don the Camouflage Cassock of "Bob" and
CUT LOOSE the SMOKE of his HOLY PIPE upon the suspecting, the
knowing, but the TOO DAMN WIMPED OUT WORLD.
> I < am willing the make the Slackrifice, children. I stand
before you NAKED and BLAZING and OOZING PSTENCH, and I intend to
be FIRST into the fray, to RUN POINT for the Slackmaster himself.
By my Yeti genes I WILL NOT GO DOWN, but will make them GO DOWN
BEFORE ME or ON ME, and BECAUSE OF ME.
I invited you, nay I DARE you, to make me the donkey on which to
pin the tail. I CHALLENGE YOU to hold ME before you as a shield,
a shield covered with SHARP CHAIN SAW TEETH. I ORDER YOU to HAVE
ME KILLED for "Bob". PUMP me full of gas, CHOKE down the throttle
and let's CLEAR CUT THE FOREST AWAY FROM THE TREES.
POINT ME at the pink planet. PULL my trigger. Praise Dobbs, I BEG
you to WAKE UP! GET MOVING! EAT OR BE EATEN AND FIGHT GOING DOWN
THE GULLET of the PINK MACHINE! I'm LOCKED and LOADED to the GILLS.
I don't pray I DETONATE. YIYIYIYIYI I SHIT C-4 and sneeze NITROGEN
TRIIODIDE. Have some PLUTONIUM with your wine and wafers, we're
going to have a CRITICAL MASS. My PREACHING contravenes the Geneva
Convention and makes the Nuremberg Tribunal BEG for MERCY. I don't
need a barrel, I GO OFF on AUTOMATIC. I'm a PINK SEEKING MISSILE with
MULTIPLE INDEPENDENTLY TARGETED REAR ENTRY SLACK VEHICLES. TAMP my
charge, CLEAN my bore, Go to DEFCON 666 and DEFeat the CON.
Let us sing:
[ Atlantis, Rise ]
(from Jerusalem, ELP)
O Yetinsyn, from ancient times,
walk unto Dallas seeking green.
And was the smiling face of Dobbs,
on myriad of xerox seen?
And did the grin and pipe divine,
summon the wool on which to pull?
And were Subgenii summoned here,
to Praise "Bob" and be Slackful.
Bring me my pipe with burning bowl,
Bring me my salesman's holy fleece!
Bring me my Slack, this I must have!
Bring me my Saucers of Release!
I will yet feed my nental ife
upon the pinks throughout the land.
Yeti Awake! Atlantis Rise!
And we shall pound Earth into sand.
And now, dear friends, I have a favor to ask of you.
We cannot fight without facing the enemy, unless we choose
to simply fight ourselves. We've seen where that goes, and
I doubt there's a Yeti among us who thinks that it won't
happen again and again, unless we redirect our RANTRA, we
learn to MASTURHATE, we CROSS our SHORT HAIRS dead center
on the CON and SQUIRT UNTIL IT HURTS.
I ask of you to LAUNCH me, head and all, at the CONspiracy
Of Normalcy by voting for me for SubPresident of the
SubGenius Church of America. I also ask you to vote for
others as well. I ask you not to vote with your feet, or
your heads, or your Election Day Americong Fully Armed and
Armored Steel Jacket Lever Action.
I ask you to vote the REAL way, with your DOLLARS.
To vote for me, send $1 to:
SubPresident DynaSoar, PO Box 140306, Dallas, TX 75214
To vote against me, send $1 to:
Kill DynaSoar, PO Box 140306, Dallas, TX 75214
To vote for or against someone else, send $1 in their name.
Remember, you're sending that to Dallas, to SubGenius HQ,
not to me. You have to send it there so "Bob" can count
it and whiff your pstench from it with his Perfect Foot
Gland and Third Nostril.
Unless you vote SubGenius, ONLY the CON dupes will be
elected. We can't stop them, but we can join them, and
HELP them push what remains of this sordid little
sillyvillezation OVER the EDGE and DOWN the DRAIN and
INTO the SPIRITUAL DISPOSAL they have created for their
own well deserved demise.
For ever and ever, or until The End, which is REAL SOON NOW,
Praise "Bob".
(@ @)\DynaSoar\___, Yetii Genetii Research InstiToot
ll ll SubGenius Church of Scienfictiontology
Clench of The One True Pipe Dream, Terran Occupation Forces
DynaSoar, Tibetian Rantarian, Chaplain : dmcclain@runet.edu
'Praise "0100 0010 0110 1111 0110 0010"' -- MWOWM
Don't just vote in this election, VOTE THE HELL OUT OF IT.
--
Doktor DynaSoar Iridium -- dynasor@infi.net -- Punctuator of Evolution
------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: ljduchez@en.com (Lou Duchez)
Subject: Re: Let Us PREY
Michael Townsend (mtownsend@earthlink.net) wrote:
: I do take exception to all the megatonnage and war talk though. The ONLY
: wise thing Nickle ever wrote was, after all that crap about taking Dobbs'
: teachings "literally," that the only battleground with the CON that really
: matters is the one inside your head.
Woo, a chance to wax philosophical! This fool rushes madly in ...
I will agree that the FIRST and PREREQUISITE battleground is inside your
head. It's a battle that never quite ends either, unless you knuckle
completely under. But it is a battle that must be fought in order to
identify the Con.
That being done, the next battle ensues. You have a choice: to do
something to oppose the Con, to do something to help the Con, or to do
nothing. This is where it gets murky, because you tend to get in a lot of
grey areas ... very few actions are "pure" anti-Con. But nonetheless, you
have the choice to do something or to do nothing; and it is by your deeds
that the Con itself is weakened. By recognizing the Con's hold on you,
you can weaken their grip, but the Con still continues on, as strong as
ever. The Con weakens only when you actually do something to oppose them,
and there are many forms of fighting the Con. Find one that brings you
Slack and not only do you weaken THEM, you also weaken their hold on you.
: That's the philosophy this Dad lives
: by, and as a result, I rarely if ever get all foamy at the mouth like the
: above.
Three percent hydrogen peroxide will change that. Just don't swallow.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)
Subject: Re: Let Us PREY
On 05-03-96, mtownsend@earthlink.net wrote:
> I do take exception to all the megatonnage and war talk though. The
> ONLY wise thing Nickle ever wrote was, after all that crap about taking
> Dobbs' teachings "literally," that the only battleground with the CON
> that really matters is the one inside your head. That's the philosophy
> this Dad lives by, and as a result, I rarely if ever get all foamy at
> the mouth like the above.
Differences in taste, and all valid.
But you have to admit, preaching is cheaper than a six pack, and nobody
has ever driven up on the sidewalk and run over some pedestrians because
they had too much to preach.
AAAHHH! SONG!
Thanks, Dad. This one's for you.
I HAD TOO MUCH TO PREACH LAST NIGHT
from: "I Had Too Much To Dream Last Night"
(Annette Tucker - Nancy Mantz)
Intro:
[fuzz guitar playing D and Eb simultaneously, panned between channels]
---
---
---
-0-
-6-
---
bass [4X; rhythm guitar plays Dm on 1 beat first and third time]
v v v v
-----------------
---7---7---7---7-
-5---5---5---5---
-----------------
Verse 1:
Dm C
Last night your smile fell upon my lonely room
Dm C
I touched your Brylcreemed hair and smelled your pipe's perfume
Gm Dm
Your eyes were filled with dots the way they used to be
Gm Dm G [N.C.]
Your gentle Slack reached out to comfort me
Dm
Then came the dawn
C#m
My money was gone
G F Eb [N.C.]
It was gone, gone, gone
Chorus:
Dm G
I had too much to preach last night
Dm G
Too much to preach
Dm G
I'm not ready to face the CON
Dm A
I had too much to preach
Dm C Bb C
Last night
Dm C Bb C
Last night
Verse 2:
My bowels were empty as I staggered to my Throne,
I could not bear the Yeti blood throbbing in my bone
Behind your shining teeth I could see the Joke
And then you raised your pipe for me to smoke
Then came the dawn
My money was gone
It was gone, gone, gone
[repeat chorus 2X]
Coda:
(C) D C Bb C
Oh, too much to preach
Oh, too much to preach
Too much to preach last night
Oh, too much to preach [repeat to fade]
[Note: the coda is in D major; listen to the rhythm guitar
(heavily-tremoloed part in right channel) to hear this]
Original file name: PREY
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