Gosh, it's a brand-new day outside. The sky is blue, the sun
is shining, the air is clear. You've got a dollar in your pocket and
nothing much else to do. You walk outside and the lawn tickles your bare
feet.
Have you thought about Slack today? Have you? You have? The why the
fuck haven't we heard from you???
Ya know, it's a Saturday night. Your pockets are filled with
change. You're at a bar drinking. The music is pretty good, the babes
are hanging all over you and your friend. You just won a poker game,
the TV news says we've just won the war. Your favorite ballteam is up
five points, your roomates gone for the weekend, and she is grinding her
legs against you, purring in your ear that she wants you to take her
back to your place. It's only a five minute walk.
Have you thought about "Bob" YET?? Have you? You have?
The why do you continue to not tithe unto "Bob" that which is truly
"Bob"'s???
You just stepped off of a train. The fares just got hiked today. You
just accepted a cut in pay, because your child is screaming about a
brand new toy he saw advertised on the TV, and you weant to give it to
him for Christmas, which is nine months away, and so you can't afford to
go on welfare. Not yet. You bump into some smelly guy on your way out,
and so you yell, "watch it, creep!" It turns out to be your boss's son,
justt returned from an adventure with the Rainbow People in Colorado. He
recognizes you and tells your boss. You wind up shovelling shit for
the next nine months. On your way up the platform, your shoolace gets
untied and makes you trip and fall. You snap your two front teeth off
on the concrete step your upper jaw lands on. Your cigarettes fall out
of your jacket poket and are picked up by a real bum, a lady walking
past drops a wad of gum in your hair, your briefcase flys open as a
little kid kicks it in passing and all of your important papers fly
loose.
You still think the Conspiracy is a Joke? Do You??
The WHY haven't you gotten RIGHT with what is in the air,
bretheren? If you can't join the Church of the SubGenius, if you CAN'T
VOTE DYNA into office, then the least you can do is get right with
Legume's Legionaaires, right? It's the least you can do to save face
in a world grown increasingly so complex that YOU can't even recognize
yourself, let alone anyone else doing the same? Don't you feel any
personal culpability for the ebb and tide of mania which surrounds you
like a sea? Don't you feel the least bit adventurous in attempting the
overthrow of the imperial forces which control your very mind? Don't
you want to get right with "Bob", dear friends?
THEN WHY DON'T YOU?
You can see it's time.
Keep It Up,
Dr. Ginsu
Original file name: NEWDAY
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