Man, this newsgroup just sucks! It's full of arguing and boring stuff,
and not full of the stuff that I want it to be full of. I'm not enjoying
it here right now because no one is writing anything that I like. And you
know what I want you all to do about it? Not a damned thing, because I'm
just gonna start writing the stuff that I want to see, and eliminate the
middleman. (Okay, I see a few smiles, a lot of smirks, a few rolled eyes,
and some genuine shock in the eyes of those who are completely taken
aback by the idea of actually DOING something about a boring newsgroup
than just sitting back and bitching about it...oh, and Dyna, for cripes
sake put that thing AWAY! There are ladies present!)
BTW, no one except me is going to like these quotes, so just skip over
them right now, unless you're the kind of person who isn't tricked by
reverse psychology, in which case read on.
"Ohh, spank me, baby! Make my ass nice and Pink!" -Heather Lere (Amazing
Tales V)
"THROW BRICKS AT LAWYERS IF YOU CAN!!" -Milk (Milk & Cheese, Jury Duty)
"Human germ!" -Shrapnel (Decepticon, in Transformers: The Movie)
"...my grandmother died of cancer, so I guess if I saw a shirt that said
Cancer Kills Grandmas Dead I'd be upset, you know?" -Skid Row Singer
"...sometimes the genetic dice roll a critical failure." -Nigel Findly
(GURPS Illuminati)
"Bad Bunny! You just shit. You're a Bad Bunny! You just shit!" -Mega
Smegma ("Bad Bunny", from Milking the Joke)
"in my pants" -J. R. "Bob" Dobbs
I dunno...I found something enlightening about all of these. So I share
with you; maybe someone will get some enlightenment from it, whether from
reading them, scoffing at my effort, printing it out and smoking it, etc.
Sometimes the strangest things can enlighten you. Hell, I credit my
entire system of belief (including the SubGenius school of (thought?)
which I had formed before meeting the Church) to a gaming supplement
about vampires. Does that make me misguided? Do you answer rhetorical
questions? (Oh sure, go ahead, reply and say "no"...BE FUCKING WITTY WHY
DONCHA?)
Don't try too hard. Give a shit, but give it casually, freely,
stresslessly. Stress eats Slack, it's been proven. Bad stress, not good
stress. What's bad and what's good depends on you, but don't sit down (or
stand up) and think about which is which, just let it come to you in due
time. I don't mean be lazy (though there's nothing wrong with that), I
just mean that somethings are worth rushing and racing for, and some
aren't. Slack is out there, and it's in you, acting as a magnet for the
outside stuff. If you feel it, it will come.
"If you feel it, it will come." -Pee Kitty's dad, discussing masturbation
Humor? Yeah, I buy into humor. Humor is powerful. If you can make someone
laugh, the chances of them raping you drop to near zero. You can kill
someone with a good joke if they're eating. Make a british royal guard
laugh and you've gotten him fired, ruining his life. POWER. The funniest
person sways the feelings of the group. A well-placed joke will vanish
the point out of any conversation, as all attention focuses on the
punchline. Stand-up comics are barely funny, and they get their own
sitcoms; with REAL humor, it's only a few steps to world domination. If
you can't change your reality, you can make fun of it. To belittle is to
strip away power. When reality loses its power of you, you define
reality. You are also insane, which just goes to show.
Sex, sex, sex...must get sex into it. No, on second thought, I'd rather
not. My sex life increased by a few thousand percent when I got access to
alt.sex.stories again, and frankly, the whole subject depresses me. No
one has asked me if I'd rather have a PinkAsShit, beautiful, fully
functional SO, or a disfigured YetiMate with no genetalia. Because of
this, I have not thought about that question, and if asked, I will not
have an answer until I have thought about it.
Enlightenment, Slack, Humor, and Sex. Is that all there is that's
worthwhile in life? <shrug> I don't know, and don't feel like worrying
about the answer. Like all good things, it will come to be if it's
important. Not because I'm enlightened, but because I'm lazy. Full of
Slack, Lazy as Shit, and on a rare occasion Funny Enough To Avoid Rape.
"Never mistake incomprehensibility for wisdom." -Anonymous
"Destroy your idols. Kill your mentors." -Anonymous
"Anything sounds profound if you put it in quotation marks and sign it
Anonymous." -Anonymous
--
Rev. Pee Kitty, of the order Malkavian-Dobbsian
Meow!
* Are you abnormal? Then you are probably BETTER than most people! *
* ETERNAL SALVATION OR TRIPLE YOUR MONEY BACK! For info send $1 to *
* The Church of the SubGenius / P. O. Box 140306 / Dallas, TX 75214 *
* -= Visit alt.slack =- *
* FREE SUBGENIUS STUFF! FTP to ftp.netcom.com and cd /pub/pk/pkitty *
Original file name: ASSUCKS
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