dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski) wrote:
>>What HATH "Bob" wrought?
>>
>>Here we are approaching the End Times. Witness the recent call
>>to drill for the coming of the Saucers of Removal. Witness the
>>spontaneous population limiting behaviors, even in countries that
>>gasp in HORROR at American fatal sociopsychological sickies, when
>>their own incidents themselves would have brought condemnation from
>>ENTIRE NATIONS only a generation or two ago. Witness just about
>>ANYTHING, for it's truly "ALL a sign of the end times."
>>
>>There are cities of less than a million people with daily killings
>>reports, such as were made during war time. And THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
>>Only THIS time, the enemy is WITHIN. It's a SEETHING ANTISPIRIT
>>within the brains of that sadly too successful genetic "accident"
>>that has CHEATED its way to the top of the food chain, there to
>>POISON the entire chain, in a subconscious species specific SUICIDE
>>RITUAL.
>>
>>Unless something happens, and happens SOON, the street gutters will
>>flow with blood like the drain grooves in a dissection table....
>><snip sacred rant>
bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar) says:
>My brother, Dyna, tells it like it is. Can't you feel it in the air,
>brethren and sistern? Is not the tension all but palpable? Do you
>secretly look with fear at every stranger you meet on the streets,
>knowing full well that that sweet looking old lady MAY have been a
>member of the SLA and COULD blow your Pink brains all over the
>sidewalk without any warning whatsoever. Good...you may survive.
>
>These ARE the END TIMES, my friends. This is the closing of the old
>way and the opening of the new. Will you be among those who decide the
>fates of others or will you continue to be a sheep for the CON? Do you
>have the BALLS and the FAITH to survive the coming chaos? If not,
>you'd better get that $30 to Dallas, or your ass is a historical
>reference come July 6th 1998.
>
>"Bob" Dobbs brings us the answer, and the answer is "Fuck 'em." The
>problem is that even though many of you have sent in your $30 faith
>offering to purchase a ministry, you don't really MINISTER. You think
>that "Bob" is going to FAIL, don't you? You don't really believe that
>he can MAKE THE DEAL with the X-ists and save our asses, now do you?
>And when you don't believe, you can't make others believe. A good
>salesman can sell ANYTHING, if he believes in it. Start pulling the
>wool over your own eyes TODAY! It is your sacred dooty to love "Bob's"
>booty!
>
>He CAN save us, even without the X-ists. He has shown us the path to
>freedom if only we are brave enough to walk it. It is the path of the
>humorous revolution....when the bad guys are laughing too hard to
>notice that we've shot them in the ass. How do you make a Newt
>Gingrich lose power? Laugh at him. Laugh at his looks, his thoughts,
>his life. When he becomes nothing more than a laughing stock, he HAS
>no power. "Bob" is always smiling 'cause he's always LAUGHING AT YOU,
>BOY! The trick is to laugh right back.
>
>Laughter is power. Go to a political meeting and wait for the
>opportunity. If you are truly a SubGenius, SOMETHING will spark...some
>fire will light, and when the mind is illuminated, shout it out. Say
>the mocking/funny thing OUT LOUD, where everyone can hear it. Don't be
>afraid to make someone else look like a fool, they've been more than
>happy to allow you that same privilege since birth, haven't they? MAKE
>FUN.
>
>I don't worry about being stupid. I've been stupid all my life and now
>I don't have to work for a living...yep, real stupid. I worry about
>being enslaved. Honest to Dobbs, I do. I worry about the Gobment being
>able to tell me what I can say, where I can go, with whom I can
>associate and what I should eat, drink and never smoke. I worry about
>the world coming to the place where people fear to state their minds
>because it doesn't fit the politically correct position of the day,
>and my friends, IT IS COMING! The only way to stop the enslavement is
>through our savior, J.R. "Bob" Dobbs. The only way to break the chains
>is laughter, and the only way to get away from all this and not have
>to worry about it any more is to send in that $30, and be waiting on
>the lawn at dawn...
>--
>Reverend Mutha Tarla, Little Sisters of the Perpetually Juicy,
>A Proud Jism Schism of the Church of the SubGenius, Worshipping
>"Connie" Dobbs and Juicy Retardo since 1986
>//www.ionet.net/~bmyers/homepage.html
gg gordon (gggor@io.com) wrote:
>: : AAAAAAAAHHHHHH YEEEEEESSSSS!!!! The Yetilini Power begins to rise.
>: : The Harvest, ah dear friends the HARVEST draws night. We are ready
>: : to be plucked for Dobbs as the skies themselves crack and the
>: : stream of earthly time corrupted. Praise Dyno Praise the Rev Mutha.
>: : My tired old glands quiver at your zeal, I had to get new batteries
>: : for my pacemaker that I might receive these heartfelt preachings of
>: : the IMMANENCE of THAT ONE DAY! (Not to be confused with that one time)
>: : over and over again..
>: : Sub Government...NOW IS THE TIME TO TAKE ACTION!!!!!
>: : Send your money to Dobbs, to Him whereunto all cash
>: : must flow, he's going to get it ALL sooner or later so you might as well
>: : make that offering now. Buy that merchandise, buy those tapes, fill out
>: : those forms, mail in that check, UPS your wallet, overnight your
>: : trustfund...Render unto Dobbs that offering of love, of faith, of POWER...
>: : send MONEY...BUY THINGS..SIGN UP FOR THE SAUCER SHIPS,
>: : MAKE A DOWN PAYMENT ON A NEW SENSE OF HUMOR AND SOURCE OF IRRITATION!!
>: : Write your own jokes, deliver your own punchlines, edit your
>: : own realtime movie.
>: : When that day that is coming shall come upon us, none shall
>: : treat it as a joke, none shall deny it.
Kid Ginsu (jch9334@is2.nyu.edu) wrote:
>: Ahhhh, yes bretheren and sistern, praise GGG, praise Tarla, and
>: Praise Dyna, the current best shot a t Sub President this newsgroup will
>: ever have! The End Times are upon us, what're ya gonna do? The shit's
>: hitting the fan, who are you gonna be this time around? You can be
>: Gordon or Tarla or Dyna or any number of fine SubGenius ministers, but
>: then you have to turn around and figure out, that when those Saucers
>: land, as the hour is at hand, and those tiny green men or BIG SCARY
>: ETERAL GODDESSES hovering over your bed will no doubt point out, and
>: the RAPTURE happens, a little like the Rupture but a whole hell of a
>: lot messier....when the RUPTURE happens on THAT FATEFUL DAY, not to be
>: confused with that one time, what will happen except that your dear
>: dyed-in-the-wool-up-to-their-own-eyes bretheren and sistern, Gordon and
>: Tarla and Dyna and all the rest, are gonna be RUPTURED. Are gonna
>: know peace and happiness, or creative expression, or election as
>: president, or editor of their own mind movie...and all that you're
>: gonna be, dear friends, is one of THEM!
>
>: Now, mind you, there's lots of your SubBrethern to go around.
>: In fact, as the Great Pope Meyer hath said, "If you're "Bob" is
>: dead...TRY MINE!" But when those saucers land, and all you have is an
>: identical self to those already Ruptured up, you're gonna be bleating
>: like a stuck sheep. "Oh, why didn't I schism?" you'll be noted to
>: ejaculate as we watch aboard the safety of our air-conditioned, luxury
>: space vessels, shining bright with the glare from a thousand parties.
>: From the privacy of our own minds you will be seen to have had nothing
>: left, not even your own personality, as the Conspiracy ups and rips
>: the mask off of it's midnight face and rams it's dripping, throbbing
>: member right past your wallet, which just doesn't happen to contain
>: your ticket to Salvation, your SubGenius Membership Card, and straight up
>: your poop schute it will go!
>
>: Friends, don't say we didn't warn you, and don't think for a
>: minute we didn't try, against our better judgement but out of the
>: goodness of our hearts, to convert your body, to convert your soul, to
>: convert your very MIND over to the Worship of the Mighty Pipe-Smoking
>: Savior in the Sky. Don't say we didn't tell you so, that as you look
>: up into the air from your tattered foxhole on smouldering planet Earth
>: only to see the Vangaurd of a brand-new species emerge from out over
>: the treetops, that we didn't with every last reserve of our now-useless
>: physical energy try to alert you to the dangers, and the glories, of
>: fighting the Con on YOUR terms and of getting away with it as a
>: SHIT-KICKING SUbGenius WARRIOR!
>
>: Oh, sure, you've seen the Schisms, you've seen the internal
>: power struggles, you've even read the books...but did you believe em, dear
>: friends? Did you bother to consult your own "Bob"-gland to
>: determine whether this Conspiracy wasn't ACTUALLY just a big
>: joke...whether Slack wasn't ACTUALLY a big joke...whether that
>: twenty-five foot Dobbshead staring back at you from the innermost
>: confines of reality itself wasn't just somebody's poor idea of some
>: hideously grotesque JOKE???
>
>: At that moment you will finally realize just how stupid you have
>: become in NOT sending in that $30 to PO Box 140306 Dallas, TX 75214.
>: You even ignored DynaSoar's pledge for president, and instead voted
>: Communist this time around. You fool! We're not kidding, this is NOT
>: some horrible joke, and you will regret it way past the day you die if
>: you DON'T aknowledge the Conspiracy as a living, breathing monster
>: which wants to enslave you and make you normal! Yes, you! Get
>: crackin! There is scant short time left to get this show on the road.
>: Rumour has it that if you act now, you can count yourself as among the
>: elect 7,000 or so who are doomed to spend eternities of bliss in
>: every waking moment of their self-constructed realities! Don't cop
>: Dyna or Tarla or GGG! Be your own Church...become One with ours!
>: You can do it if you don't give up. I know you can. The fact that
>: you've read this far proves it!
pkitty@netcom.com (Pee Kitty) says:
>Oh my brothers my sisters my inbetweeners and out oftheirminders will you
>not LISTEN to the call within YOURSELF? This ain't no game! This ain't
>no TV show! This is LIFE we're talking about here! It's no game, it's a
>WAR! It's US against THEM my friends, and though the outcome has already
>been determined in our favor, we must still FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT alongside
>our allies to keep this mutha MOVING ALONG!
>
>We can WIN! You can WIN! Win this war--win this life! Yes, life is
>WINNABLE when you understand what's truly going on! Do you understand
>what I'm saying, my friends? This isn't some late night infomercial
>preaching about winning at real estate, or winning at love, or winning at
>business...I'm saying WINNING AT LIFE!
>
>How? Through the power of SLACK. Slack is what was TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU,
>from your earliest incarnation back in the stone age, by those "in
>power". By the Con! ("You mean the government, or businesses?") NO, I
>mean the Conspiracy of Normalcy out there! HELL YES that includes the
>governments with their laws about what you can and can't believe without
>getting locked up. HELL YES that includes the businesses out there that
>tell you what you can and can't buy wihtout getting ostracized from the
>rest of the world. HELL YES that ALSO includes the kids you went to
>school with who laughed at you if you wore something that they didn't and
>HELL YES that includes the fascists out there that don't like whites or
>blacks or purples or stripes with plaids and YELL HES that includes all
>the plain ol' regular folks that get along and roll their eyes quietly
>when someone dresses, talks, or acts in a manner which they deem "not
>normal". I think it's fairly obvious to everyone by now that YES, these
>are the people IN POWER! Not just at the "high levels" of business and
>corporate, but throughout our society, DEFINING our society! Society
>itself is the enemy; society is nothing but an agreement between the
>"members" as to what is acceptable and what is not. And by defining what
>you can be, they limit you, limit your power, and TAKE AWAY YOUR SLACK!
>
>Break out of your mold, and PULL THE WOOL OVER YOUR OWN EYES! Believe in
>your own delusions! Believe in OUR delusions! You are BETTER than those
>normal fux out there, and because of that, you can have power over THEM!
>You can beat them in EVERY important way, and that means having the key
>to LIFE! It's like playing DOOM knowing all the cheat codes! ENTER GOD
>MODE NOW, by getting back your Slack! Reclaim your individuality and
>discover feelings BEYOND happiness and contentment. Realize that you have
>the power to destroy ALL OF SOCIETY, and become intoxicated with that
>heady knowledge.
>
>Is this anarchy? Hell, no. Anarchy is "disobey all laws and destroy the
>government, man!" Anarchy is BORING. This is Patriopsychotic
>Anarchomaterialism, every man and woman a king, every child and cat a
>serf! Is it ever going to happen? Who cares...we've only got TWO YEARS
>left until X-Day! That's right, only TWO YEARS until July 5th, 1998, when
>the saucers come and take us away, leaving earth to destroy itself. So we
>may never see PPAM in action, but it's a helluva plan to work for in the
>meantime! It's GOTTA Be better than what we have now, right? So ROLL UP
>YOUR SLEEVES, PULL DOWN YOUR PANTS, ANd JOIN THE JYHAD, my brothahs and
>sistahs (and preveriously mentioned others)! You can destroy the Con by
>subverting its power. Just laugh at it, and when it points its guns at
>you, squirm underneath it and eat away at it until it finds an easier
>target! Or, if you've got the balls to take it on mano-a-manymano, more
>power to you. All that's important is that you throw your weight in
>behind "Bob", for only he can navigate us through this sticky web of hell
>that is this war! So throw your weight and your WALLET into "Bob"'s back
>pocket and CHARGE FORWARD, fellow Yetinsyny! You have nothing to lose but
>your lives, and nothing to gain but your SLACK! AYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!
gg gordon (gggor@io.com) wrote:
: HOT DAMN BROTHERS AND SISTER, CAN YOU SEE AND FEEL THAT SPIRIT MOVING
:YOU???
:
: NOW IS THE TIME TO SALLY FORTH, PAMPHLET IN HAND, FROP IN POCKET
: TO PREACH THE TRUE-BLUE, YETIBLOODED GOSPEL OF DOBBS!!
: SPAM THE WORLD WITH THE TEACHINGS OF ALL OF OUR "BOB"S.
: Yes dear friends, time to render unto Dobbs that little service
:you promised in return for saving your sorry asses! We got some
:preaching going on.
: We got some testifying coming down.
: People are starting to RANT!!
: People are starting to RAVE. The very Slackmeter
:needles buckle as our preacing goes forth into the quantum lather of
:the Dobbsian Luck Plane...Can you feel that movement deep within?
: Oh friends, when next you visit that little chamber of repose,
:when you let loose that great load of doubt and unslack confusion and
:open up completely for the penetration of the sacred powers of the pipe,
:remember, time is short, there is much to do!!!
: Have no fear, your SALVATION is assured {ASSUMING YER DUES ARE
:PAID UP} but you ALL must have that special little yeti in your life
:that you'd hate to see fried in the endtimes revue. Slip[ them the word
:of of Dobbs. Remember friends don't CONvert, SUBvert!!!
: Praise fuckin' "Bob"
:GGG
Dennis McClain-Furmanski (dynasor@infi.net) wrote:
: By DOBBS' HAIRY KNUCKLES Yetikin, we have AWAKENED and CRAWLED OUT
: of the Belly of the Beast. Yea, we have passed ourselves through the
: FIRES of HATE that we might be TEMPERED into TOOLS for "Bob". Not
: unscathed, but undaunted, we emerge from our TRIAL by
: SELF-DESTRUCTION, ready to face the enemy of Yetinsyny, the
: CONspiracy of Normalcy.
:
: HEED the words of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, children when he says "I WILL
: NOT GO DOWN!" And we need not GO down before them. We can never
: win, for we require them to keep us pure. But we need not LOSE,
: individually or as a race.
:
: Where is it written that the CON always triumphs? Several places,
: right? Is it not also written that ANYTHING a SubGenius minister
: says is TRUTH? IT DOES say that. And so I say to you that they
: DO NOT triumph, and so create a new gospel.
:
: It is in this way that they CANNOT beat us. They require ONE TRUTH,
: where we may have several. They require ONE GOD, where we may have
: a number fluctuating wildly between infinity and negative imaginary
: numbers. They require ONE LEADER, and WE dear Yetikin, may be leaders,
: EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US.
:
: We can shoot off in RANDOM DIRECTIONS under SELF-UNCONTROL, and they
: cannot track us or even read the maps we ignore as we fly blindly in
: the face of their precious reality. We can dispel the sympathetic
: magic of their Laws of Man and God with the flip of a finger, and
: RECREATE THE UNIVERSE ANEW with our Faith In "Bob". And there ain't
: a damn thing they can do about it but bitch.
:
: WHICH WAY would you have it children, One Way Linear Entropic
: Destructionism? Or ANYDAMNWAY Random Rampant RECREATION? We
: RE-CREATE for recreation, we make reality for the FUN of it.
:
: We have but TWO YEARS to collect enough souls for "Bob" to buy off
: the X-ists. While frying pinks may sounds like a grand idea and
: a great way to unwind, shall we not consider putting evolution
: BACK ON TRACK? Is it not time that we correct the mistakes of our
: foreYeti and reclaim our rightful place as the SMOKE BELCHING
: LOCOMOTIVE of the EVOLUTIONARY SOUL TRAIN?
:
: TWO YEARS is all we have. We've spent the last year HATING and BITING
: and FULL WAIL HELL BEATING each other. We've spent the last getting
: OVER that.
:
: I say we're ready. I saw we BUILD UP SOME STEAM and POP the CLUTCH on
: this thing and SAVE the WORLD -- FOR US. Why wait for the X-ists? We
: have enough HELLFIRE RANTPOWER just running at IDLE to shame a whole
: TENT full of GOSP-HELL evangelists.
:
: I say it's time. Before the urge to bite BITES US again with no
: PROPER flesh to sink our teeth into.
:
: I say we CONSUME the Pink World for "Bob" and SPIT OUT SEEDS of
: DESTRUCTO-RECREATION, and as WE SEW, so shall THEY WEEP.
:
: Children, it's time.
:
: Point this thing at the Heart of the CON.
:
: "Let's do it." -- Garry Gilmore's last words.
pkitty@netcom.com (Pee Kitty) says:
` My friends, YOU are the BULLET and "Bob" is the GUN and nothing you do or
` say is going to change that, so it is up to YOU to decide what kind of
` bullet you are going to be! Are you going to be a dinky little .22
` caliber BB or a piece of soft-leaded, aerostatic PEASHOOTER ammo? Or are
` you going to shape yourself up to be a MAGNUM-JACKETED, TEFLON COATED,
` SHAPED-CHARGED, SMARTLINKED, "COP-KILLER" WARHEAD FOR "BOB"?!? Picture
` the Rebel Gods watching your progress on an omnidimensional monitor!
` Watching as your face SLAMS into the weak spots of the Con and cripples a
` leg or mouth or netherhole! Cheering in macho, adolescent glee at the
` CRACKLE and POP of your flaming carcass setting the underbelly afire!
` Friends, while those pathetic PEASHOOTERS are clattering across the
` ground after their pathetic, flaccid attempt, you will be the highlight
` of Instant Replays across this MULTIVERSE!
`
` And I don't care how lazy you are or how unaggressive you are; it doesn't
` matter! You don't have to pull the trigger or even look in the direction
` you're being shot--all you have to do is GET READY. Surround yourself
` with a jacket of PURE FORCE...a jacket of PURE PSTENCH! Build it up from
` within; let your Slack come out and OOZE around you until you can't walk
` down the street without strangers turning their heads and gasping at
` the...the...they don't know WHAT ("It ain't no smell...it ain't nothin'
` on him...it's just...uh...") that SURROUNDS you like a Slack Miasma! They
` can't understand it, and it will give you the force to MATTER in the End
` Times.
`
` Pump your powder to the limit; raise your caliber; FOCUS YOUR HATE! Hate
` the Con for what they are. Hate "Bob" for using you like the sheep you
` are. Hate your parents for making you the pathetic person you have been,
` will be, or are right now. Hate ME for putting you in your place. And
` hate YOURSELF for not hating ENOUGH! By slamming a lid of HATE down on
` the rest of the world, you can fly above it long enough to take that
` final shot right at the center of it. Shoot to kill.
`
` Cut right through the densest armor--let nothing stop you from sliding
` into the deepest vital points of your enemy--ruin their chances of
` deflecting your attack--*pull the wool over your own eyes*! Everything
` you know is TRUE! You ARE superior to the pinkfux out there and your kind
` WILL prevail! It's all a joke...THE MOST IMPORTANT JOKE YOU WILL EVER
` HEAR, and GUESS WHO'S SUPPLYING THE PUNCHLINE. When you can THROW
` yourself into the murky realms of your own delusions, you have made
` yourself truly unstoppable.
`
` Hone your Slack, your Hate, your Delusions. Don't settle for being high
` caliber, become EX-caliber! Do you want to make a dent in an armor-plated
` fortification or do you want to EXPLODE in the air ducts of the enemy's
` fortress?
`
` The hammer is cocked.
`
` The chamber is loaded.
`
` The finger is tensing.
`
` YOUR MOVE.
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