The following is a transmission from St. J. Radarscope shortly before he
transferred the Papalcy of Lousisana to me some two years ago. It is
submitted here in respectful memory of him.....
July 5, 1998, as we all know, will change forever the relationship between
SubGenii and our arch-, ancestral foes, the PINKS and NORMALS, collectively
referred to as the CONSPIRACY.
Whereas now, the CONSPIRACY has an "on top" position vis SubGeniusdom due to
their sheer numbers and aid from evil alien forces, the X-ISTS on that
fateful day will reverse this hideously enforced, placing the SubGenius not
only on top, but even unto behind. We will take the PINKS and NORMALS from
the rear!!! We will cornhole their tender bottoms 'til the blood flows from
their slackless nether regions like water down Niagra Falls during the rainy
season!!! Praise Bob!!
Truly there is cause for rejoicing!! The TIMES OF SMITING approacheth. Get
your "practice licks" in now so you'll be ready for the exciting
opportunities ahead. It's a churchly obligation!
"But wait," you might say, "I know WHOM to SMITE, but just how do I do it,
'SCOPE?"
A good question, and fortunately we have guidance from BOB and his
FOUNDATION. THE BOOK provides all the answers you'll ever need to SMITE THE
CONSPIRACY like the over-ripe, soggy melon it is. Every word of the BOOK
should be taken literally and on faith in our JIHAD OF ABNORMALITY (as well
as for any connotative or metaphorical meanings -- both at once, yet not
quite simultaneously).
Friends, the BOOK tells us the CONSPIRACY is a huge, slack-devouring
death-machine running amok through time and space towards its unholy
rendevous with a destiny of tyranny and repression, a future where any
deviation from its will is crushed under its turbo-super-charged
blood-and-gore-stained wheels. And after we're crushed, it doesn't stop. No,
it'll do wheelies and doughnuts on our restless graves!!!
But friend, YOU ARE A SUBGENIUS. At leat you might think you are one; you
might even CALL yourself one. But you aren't worth the salt in BOB'S PEE
unless you are out there EVERY DAY SMITING THE HELL OUT OF THE CONSPIRACY,
resisitng its malevolent mechanoids with every fiber of your several beings,
heedless of any personal security or safety, false concepts, both. SMITE
BACK, BOB COMMANDS. SMITE BACK, AND BE RELEASED!!!
You Are A SubGenius!! You are a MONKEY WRENCH to throw in their gears,
grinding their vicious, senile machine to a butt-wrenching halt!! With BOB
on our side, they will rot alive in their own fles before they ride
triumphant through our states, our cities, our very THRONES OF
EXCREMEDITATION!!!
BOB has shown us how to SMITE, and even how we will emerge victorious. He
didn't say it would be easy. He didn't say it would be a trip to the 7-11,
or circle K, or whatever convenience store arm of the CONSPIRACY operates in
your geographical region.
BOB said it would be HARD. PAINFUL. CHALLENGING. Even BORING.
HARD weasel-like times lie ahead> Desperate, frustration-filled days behind.
The present -- a stinking hell of a bitch. These are the times that steal
our SLACK!
But, go back, friends, go back. Back to the SOURCE of OUR HOPE, our
SALVATION from these TRIBULATIONS.
There -- in our BOOK and our PHAMPLETS!!
There -- impregnated on the magnetic media of our cassette and video tapes!
There -- flowing through the ether via our radio stations!
There -- on the INTERNET in ALT.SLACK!
There -- from our newly launched FOUNDATION SATELLITE!!!
GO BACK!! THE MESSAGE IS THERE!!
If only you will listen .... if only.
WHAT KIND OF BOB DO YOU WANT ANYWAY?
A BOB afraid to FORNICATE? A shuckin and jivin BOB? A BOB afraid to
MASTURBATE, to SCOFF, MOCK, BLASPHEME?
Away, ye false prophets!!!
Away ye slackless dupes of false heads!!!
LEave me to my real BOB, the BOB of FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!
HIS VISAGE .... aiiieeeeeee
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Original file name: Smite First
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