The simplicities of life are becoming complexities. What was once a
pleasant and easy transaction of coin for goods has in the modern day
become a challenging struggle for Slack.
A man enters a store. This establishment has already surrendered many of
the usual amenities -- in its guise as a "Catalog Showroom", the customer
cannot expect much in the way of service. While browsing the wares, our
man spies a product from his childhood: Milton-Bradley Co.'s game of
"Trouble".
(Singing) "Pop-a-matic pops the dice; pop a six and you move twice!"
"My daughter would like that game," concludes the stalwart shopper, and
drama ensues. Noting a sign that reads "20% off all M-B games", he
proceeds to the counter.
The line is long: five groups of customers are waiting for the single
cashier's attention. Well, the single WORKING cashier. The three others
are moving around behind the registers like ducks in a shooting-gallery --
maintaining motion but achieving nothing. While waiting for the glorious
opportunity to give the store his money, the man observes a MANAGER
joining the duck-walk. Hope rises to the surface of his mind -- perhaps
this fellow will break the personnel logjam and get some registers
cranking.
Ah, it is not to be. At least for a while. Four semi-dozing humans make
the circuit behind the counter. Finally, rather than challenge his staff,
the MANAGER decides to take personal action. He motions to our hero to
approach a checkout.
"Good Morning," says the customer.
"Ugh," replies the MANAGER.
After 20 attempts to FORCE-FEED the barcode into the scanner, (much like
manually dropping dust bunnies into a wheezing vacuum cleaner hose) the
MANGER painfully types the UPC number into the keypad. The game,
originally priced at $9.99, plus 20% discount, appears on the display as
$9.29.
"Oh, they're on sale -- 20 percent off." advances the customer.
"Yeah, that's right: $9.99 regular, $9.29 sale" mumbles the MANAGER.
"Well, 20 percent off would be about $8 wouldn't it? ventures our man.
"Oh, well, must not be on sale." evades the MANAGER.
Sensing just what sort of MANAGER he's dealing with, "But the sign said
"20 percent off all M-B games" counters the customer.
"Not this one. Want to go back and double-check?" bristles the MANAGER.
"Oh, FUCK IT, pinkboy -- "Trouble"'s not worth the trouble, and neither
are you. Keep it since you don't seem to want to SELL IT!"
What in the world is wrong with these people?? DAMN THEM! They want
money AND our SLACK. If they hate their jobs, why take it out on the
CUSTOMERS?? Take it out on their company! And if they hate themselves,
then do the RIGHT THING and END IT ALL.
Each time I encounter this sort of RUDE, NAAAAASTY BEHAVIOR, I eliminate
the store from my rounds, and sometimes, as in this case, inform the owner
or top manager of the situation, in futile hope that someone is still
there who wants to put the customer first, or at least EQUAL. Alas,
true-to-form, my one-yeti campaign is not working -- and I'm running out
of places to buy my stuff!
My struggle is a matter of SURVIVAL -- till X-day. Shortly after the
RUPTURE there will be a holy jihad against these SLACK-STEALING retail
PARASITES! Once rounded up they'll roast on spits, turned by socialists
who'll think it's justice, over roaring fires fueled with register tape
and ribbons. Ascended SubGenii will look on, amused but disinterested --
ah, just another pleasure aboard the saucers.
Oh yes, a postscript to this little vignette: The MANAGER's full title
turns out to be CUSTOMER SERVICE MANAGER. It's all true.
End
---------------------------------------------------------
Steve The Reverend Doktor S-bo sbjohnston@aol.com
---------------------------------------------------------
"Shoot! A fella could have a pretty good weekend in
Dallas with all that stuff." Slim Pickens
---------------------------------------------------------
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From: ljduchez@en.com (Lou Duchez)
In article <3h4bet$a42@newsbf02.news.aol.com>,
sbjohnston@aol.com (SBJohnston) wrote:
>
> What in the world is wrong with these people?? DAMN THEM! They want
> money AND our SLACK. If they hate their jobs, why take it out on the
> CUSTOMERS?? Take it out on their company! And if they hate themselves,
> then do the RIGHT THING and END IT ALL.
Yeah, it's hard to see where that behavior emanates from. Either they
are nasty, mean-spirited Humans who enjoy cruelty, or they too experience
Slack Vampires and are trying to leech Slack off of you, though it never
really satisfies. And if they don't open up their Slack Antennae, they'll
never feel it broadcasting all around.
Slack is not so much a commodity, so much as a resonance. All you must
do is tune your antenna and you will receive Slack from all around, plus
broadcast Slack outwards. Like a cheap dimestore radio, your antennae
pick up some Slack-frequencies better than others, but there's plenty at
every frequency anyway.
This analogy to Slack occurs to me. Several hundred years ago, astronomers
had a tough time tracking planetary motion: seems that all the planets
operated under the most complex rules, gyrating and interacting and being
pushed and pulled every which way. It was all anyone could do just to
keep track of all the planets. Then, some guy noted that, if you align
yourself with the true causality of the matter -- that the sun is in the
middle -- suddenly the entire Cosmos falls into line and it is an orderly
place for you.
So, too, does one's life straighten itself out once Slack is achieved.
Align yourself with causality, and sales clerks don't annoy anymore, dogs
don't bark, politicians don't tax, and the Con suddenly can't whip you
around every which way.
(Addendum: unfortunately, poor Copernicus ran afoul of the Catholic Church
for teaching the heliocentric view. While Copernicus had discovered an
element of Slack in the cosmos, he hadn't accepted Slack into his own life.
It is said that "Byb" Dyppsz, a sea merchant in the area at the time,
tried to explain it all to Copernicus, but Copernicus took the astronomical
metaphor as "Byb's" complete meaning.)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: SirWill1@omni.voicenet.com (SirWill1)
SBJohnston (sbjohnston@aol.com) wrote:
: "Oh, they're on sale -- 20 percent off." advances the customer.
: "Yeah, that's right: $9.99 regular, $9.29 sale" mumbles the MANAGER.
: "Well, 20 percent off would be about $8 wouldn't it? ventures our man.
: "Oh, well, must not be on sale." evades the MANAGER.
What has really happened is that your education robbed you of your slack.
You are among the small percentage of consumers who are capable of
figuring out, without a cash register, that $9.99 at 20% off is about 8
bucks!
The cashiers and store managers who work for near-minimum wage in chain
retail would not be there if they had those capabilities. They are only
able to push buttons on machines and what the machine tells 'em is always
right because that's how they were trained. To do anything different is
to risk losing that crummy, near minimum-wage job that's at least a bit
better than flipping burgers.
It's not the people who are the slack-robbers. I don't think you should
rant about that particular dude, or the other four who were slacking off
when they should have been working. The rant should be directed at the
society that has spawned the malls full of chain stores in which the
scene you describe is played out on a regular basis.
The worker-bees don't care. They get paid hourly, are loyal to the rules
and procedures set forth by their unseen masters, go home, forget about
you and countless other customers, have a beer, fuck, watch TV, hunt,
fish, mow the lawn, anon anon anon.
Now, here's the trick. There are *INDEPENDENT* retailers out there who
provide excellent service. They're out there selling clothes, toys, food,
computers, damn near anything you want. Only problem is, they don't
discount.
Eschew chain retail.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)
SBJohnston (sbjohnston@aol.com) wrote:
: I'll grant you that society is to blame for much evil,
No it's not. It was my fault. I started it to draw attention away from
myself so people wouldn't notice when I walked around with a Yetette impaled
on my middle horn.
Look, it was just a joke, you know? I mean, it's just a little evil.
Kind of spruces the place up, don't you think?
Hey, I'll make the evil stop just as soon as they make it legal to walk
around wearing nothing but your mate of the moment. I promise.
--
dynasor@infi.net The Doctor is on.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)
SBJohnston (sbjohnston@aol.com) wrote:
: Earlier, I wrote:
: >: I'll grant you that society is to blame for much evil,
: Dennis the Dynasor replied:
: >No it's not. It was my fault.
: Finally - *one* person we can BLAME. It has always been so unsatisfying
: to me to blame the Jews, the Blacks, the Whites, the Indians, the short,
: the fat, the incontinent, Serbians, incontinent Serbians, fat, incontinent
: Serbians, short, fat, incontinent Serbians, etc...
: Spreads the ill will too thin for my tastes.
Sure, feel free. After all, I'm doing it until they let me walk around
openly propogating Yetigenes.
I'll just channel the blame to the gimpy Chinese chicken-bats, a blind and
cognitively underdeveloped race of D&D monsters which escaped the books.
They are the *source* of evil, but only by accident. I just channel it for
my own libidinous purposes.
Once I've accumulated enough of a charge of Evil-Blame(tm), I'll discharge
it in a blast of the Exploding Head of Elron Hubbard.
--
dynasor@infi.net The Doctor is on.
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Original file name: Retail Rant
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