Subject: From: joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, May 25, 2001 12:02 AM
Message-ID: <3b0dd784.10555015@news.mindspring.com>

Whilst reading my favorite Subgenius newsgroup, alt.slack, I heard
again the old saying that 'if a million monkeys typed a million years,
eventually they'd produce all the works of Shakespeare'

A quick evaluation of the probabilities involved convinced me that the
odds against this were, in fact, astronomical.

But this made me MAD. We're Americans! If we threw in the towel
every time the odds were against us, we wouldn't be where we are
today! What if we'd just QUIT when Albert Einstein bombed Pearl
Harbor? We'd all be eating Matzoh ball soup and learning physics in
school, that's what!

Thinking like this is why I'm in management.

So I wrote a computer simulation to simulate monkeys typing on a
typewriter at random.

So far, my monkeys have produced 57,400,000,000 keystrokes, but the
furthest they've gotten is "TOBEOR".

So, their productivity is good, but it's in the accuracy department
that we're experiencing a Growth-Enhancing Challenge Opportunity
Situation.

So, my question to you is, would it help if I offered them stock
options?

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

"Haircut or lobotomy, sir?"

Sig by Kookie Jar 5.98d http://go.to/generalfrenetics/
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Dear subgenius management consultant
From: Unit 4 <UnitIV@Sputum.COM>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: unit4@sputum.com
Date: Fri, May 25, 2001 12:59 AM
Message-ID: <8iprgt08b6q0av0nqni9i8h8d7bpn84k8l@4ax.com>

Dipshit, the phrase is "infinite number of monkeys".

Adjust your program's variables by multiplying them by infinity, and THEN
you'll get results.

You'll also get a black hole, so please wait until the saucers have been
boarded. At least by me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Dear subgenius management consultant
From: SubGenius Spice <spice@cotse.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, May 25, 2001 12:03 PM
Message-ID: <MPG.15782227238bf7ca98969e@news.alt.net>

In article <3b0dd784.10555015@news.mindspring.com>, Joe Cosby kvetched...

>
> So, my question to you is, would it help if I offered them stock
> options?

they're prolly just bored. this might help:

= = = = = = =

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings?
Here's something to change all that !
WANK word BINGO

How to play: Simply tick off 5 WANK words in one meeting and shout out
bingo !
It's that easy !

[] Synergy [] Take that offline [] Strategic Fit
[] Revisit [] Game plan [] Bandwidth
[] Ball Park [] Proactive, not Reactive [] Win Win Situation
[] Results Driven [] Total Quality [] Slippery Slide
[] Slippery Slide [] At the End of the Day [] Hardball
[] Think outside the box [] Ticks in Boxes [] Gap Analysis
[] Out of the Loop [] Fast Track [] Mindset
[] Best Practice [] Go the Extra Mile [] Result Diven
[] Knock on effect [] The Bottom Line [] Benchmark
[] Employer-Employee's [] Put this one to Bed [] Core Business
[] The big picture [] No Blame [] Client-focused
[] Lessons Learnt [] Value Added [] Stretch the
Envelope
[] Quality Driven [] Touch base [] Movers & Shakers
[] Knowledge Base [] Move the goal Posts

Testimonials from other players:

I had been in the meeting only 5 minutes when i yelled bingo.

My Attention Span at Meetings has Improved Dramatically.

It's a wheze, Meeetings will never be the same after my first outright
win.

The atmosphere was tense at The Last Process Workshop as 32 of us
listened intently for the elusive 5th.

The Facilitator was gobsmacked , as we all screamed BINGO for the 3rd
time in 2 hours.

I feel the game has enhanced the overall quality of meetings per se on a
quid pro quo basis.

People are now even listening to mumblers , thanks to WANK words.

Bonza ! You could have cut the atmosphere as we waited for the 5th
Delivery.

"push the tempo..." - fatboy slim

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Original file name: Dear subgenius management consu - converted on Friday, 29 June 2001, 22:34