A Really Serious Question

From: Name: PopeBlack The Slack <popeblack@hotmail.com>

On July 5th this year when we finally get ruptured and we walk on board
the love saucers do we:

1. Have to cowar, bow and grovel in the very presence of our angelic
host, the sex goddesses

2. Do we get to make fun of them , and abuse them like we do all of the
other gods and goddesses in all of the other religions?

This one is really burnin me up. Please respond.

The Church of the SubGenius is the only religion where shit come out of
you mouth and enlightenment comes out of your ass!
Pope David Lee Black

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From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>
>

The answer is:

EXACTLY WHAT YOU EXPECT AND WANT!

The sex goddesses aim to please, even more persuasively than the
"Shmoos" of the old 'Lil' Abner' comic strip. If you want them
to be depressive, red-headed goth girls with pierced nips--so
be it! If you want them to be giant negress whip bitches with
enormous blonde afros and sinus conditions--so be it! If you
want them to look like mommy or Keanu--ugh--so be it!

So it's best to know WHAT YOU WANT before you put foot #1 on
that ship. Think about it. Isn't there some dark recess of
your brain that *got off* on the movies "I drink your blood"
or "I spit on your grave"? Do you *really* want to re-enact
that *particular* movie?

Remember, every single thought, no matter how obscene, indecent,
violent, or boring, is the sex goddesses pleasure to BRING
INTO REALITY! And it's just as pleasureful/painful as the
REAL THING because IT IS the REAL THING!

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From: "whyaskwhyaskwhy" <blackout@PORKinfomagic.com>

let's make love under the stars
and watch for ufos
when little baby martians come out of the ufos
we can fuck them, yeah yeah yeah

-------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

I just heard from the guy that WROTE (not sung) that song, John Trubee.
He sent a 2001 poem! (Reprinted below.) I heard that somebody is making
a 16mm documentary about his prank call exploits.

Nu-monet's answer to the original question was doctrinally sound,
morally adequate and well put.

Subject: 2001 Antipoetry Offering For Free

From: crawlingwageslave@juno.com

Dear Sir or Madam,

Here is free antipoetry for you. A one-time offering--because
you manifest
highly cultured choices & value objects from the backwaters. Hit your
delete
button if no time or interest gurgles in this extraordinary
information.

Best Wishes Always...
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Keister In The Widget Dome
Copyright c 2001 John Trubee

Playplax bra perumbra
Wets itself on sparkling linoleum
(Jessica Tandy)
Rabid codgers mask themselves behind patriotism
To throw rage at unlike others;
If patriotism did not effectively mask rage
Rabid codgers too cowardly to throw rage naked.

To hate is instinctual survival lizard brain
Basis in life-world space-time continuum
For promulgation of nascent ambulatory organisms
Within environments not always gladhandy friendly.

Predatory monsters hulk dark
Threaten rodent-like life forms--
Rats attack in impotent bluff,
Scurry up exterminator's arm and fling off shoulder:
This behavior worked because they survived;
Conversely,
They survived because this behavior worked.

...As we were discussing before
About the keister in the widget dome
And about how the tangerine gelatin percolated
To the delight of the carnival patrons,
The ulterior secretions of numerous Hollywood celebrities
Have been collected and secreted away
In small glass vials within a secret laboratory
Beneath the Mojave Desert.

The interstertial error rate of the molecular kinetic activity
Of the gelatinous bodily leavings of Chad Everett
And of Lee Meriwether
Indicates nodes of meson regeneration--
Ultimately leading into a breakdown of the lizard enthalpy.

Palm fronds for Mandy;
Turpentine spritz refreshes hardy pioneers:
Lux Delph En Bondo-X.

Winifred Caribou Plink
Copyright c 2001 John Trubee

Nazi afterbirth pocks a lot
Embolium cerf de wafer
Rahght Owhn
Rahght Owhn
Desenfrenado gurkle muff
Hocks a blondell slegg.

Siegmyer plimpett Goff
Bix nuff sorber.

Whatever frightens you and offends your sensibilities
Ought to be pursued--
For you and your ilk
Manufactured the Juggernaut of Mediocrity:
Faith Hill.
Drowning us all in her mediocrity
She devalues life itself
And encourages us to hate music.

To reverse the process
We must slam the demand for mediocrity:
Pilsner ilk!

As I type this
The ceiling above me is creaking
From the copulatory activity
Of some college students upstairs.
Hey!
Are you kids screwing again?
Go for it, baby!
Rahght Owhn!

Ever Have I Crawled 'Neath X-ray Suns
Copyright c 2000 John Trubee

Ever have I crawled 'neath X-ray suns
'Cross damn blasted landscapes of distance
eternal
At exploding supernebulae beyond time's edge
Past imploding vectors shrieking
effluorescences...

Flung upon future shores whose topography
Only H.G. Wells pondered
Crablike creatures scuttled across steaming
lava beds
Under a desolate red sun
Beyond evermore desolate wastes
Barren remote unknown beyond.

Ever have I crawled 'neath X-ray suns
Past damn blasted planetscapes
Beyond the far edge of the universe
Of which the nightclub mind cannot conceive.

Tortured & lost
Tormented & blasted
I slither 'cross glowing permanganese gravel,
Fluorescing chartreuse nebulae cartwheel
In a lavender twilight.

K-Omega radiation storms blast neutrinos,
muons,
& gamma rays through my tissues:
I will die in agony on this cosmic obscura
island.
Spectral memories seep into my befogged
brain:
The gelatin nodules, the gerber cyclone,
Skeletal power transmission towers set
triumphantly mute
Across rubble lots by modest homes
Where strangers always micturate--

Streams of ionizing particles vaporize
What could have happened yesterday
beforehand
Because of what Karen said about the
discussion
Between Marlene & Steve about the incident
which occurred
Which upset her so
Which we're not supposed to discuss
But over which we must needlessly & mindless
emote
Just like in some damn soap opera.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Please remember: Money is the only thing that
matters.$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
John Trubee PO Box 4921 Santa Rosa CA 95402 USA
Destroy TV-Induced Mediocrity Forever!
Remember Pearl Harbor!
" I have sworn Hostility against every form of Tyranny over the mind of
man."

--Thomas Jefferson
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

-------------------------------------------------------

From: Name: PopeBlack The Slack <popeblack@hotmail.com>

Is this sort of like in the Movie "Ghostbusters" where if I think of
nothing but the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man that's what I'll get?

-------------------------------------------------------

From: iDRMRSR <alex.i.thymia@depression.org>

> Remember, every single thought, no matter how obscene, indecent,
> violent, or boring, is the sex goddesses pleasure to BRING
> INTO REALITY!

Uh oh. In order to not cum real fast, I've a tendency to think about
baseball scores and tax laws. I wouldn't want my Sex Goddess to morph
into, say, Garciaparra, or HR BLOCK suddenly or it might rilly ruin the
moment.

Are there advanced mind cuntroll techniques that mite prevent this from
happenin? Is it possible to sign like a prefucktual agreement with your
assigned Sex Goddess outlining the boundaries of yer desirable fantasies
and committing her/it to the inclusion/omission of specific acts?
That'd be a big relief.

[*]
-----

From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>

No. I'm sorry. Absolutely not.

Remember, the sex goddesses are not merehume women--
they are GODDESSES. You might back out of it with
a merehume partner if they (possibly pl.) were ugly,
smelled bad, had horrible diseases or something else
qualifying for MEREHUME prejudice.

But GODDESSES, on the other hand, have their own rules.

There you are, spurting a seemingly endless stream
of guy sauce out your williwonka while Freddy Krueger
is shrimping on your toes, a Tracy Lords embryo is
ramming a 2x4 up your bum, and Jack Benny is running
his tongue in and out of your right ear ONE SECOND;
when BAM! You are instantly running down a dirt road
in the old South being chased by IRS bloodhounds,
while a reflecting sunglasses wearing Darryl Strawberry
is massaging your spine with his, er, bat.

Then ICEKNIFE appears out of nowhere and starts reciting
the lyrics of "Purple Haze" JUST like Michelle Pfeiffer
would and BAM! you're back in your tourist-class seat
aboard the Pleasure Saucers watching Space Ghost on the
widescreen teevee and sipping a martini.

And that takes only ONE SECOND of idle thought, though
it could have been a MILLENIUM to everyone else.

Why get excited about it?

-------------------------------------------------------

From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>
>
> --
>
> Is this sort of like in the Movie "Ghostbusters" where if I think of
> nothing but the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man that's what I'll get?
>

You are one sick puppy.

What next? The Michelin Man?

Oh well. Yes, if that's what you want.

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Original file name: A really serious question. - converted on Friday, 29 June 2001, 22:34