Time for an intervention

From: joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com (Joe Cosby)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Mar 1, 2001 7:32 PM

Look, although I don't know him personally, I certainly have grown a
certain amount of affection for a lot of the people in this newsgroup.

I know Legume has been through some difficult times recently, and
through some rough times with friends, so I can't help but find his
recent suicide warning signs a little disturbing.

I hope we can all gather together and show Legume how much we love
him. As much as he might be a jerk sometimes, I would hate to see him
actually go through with it.

Don't do it guy. You've got so much to live for.
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

I find that I get a meaningful response when I refer to christians as
"lion food".

Sig by Kookie Jar 5.98d http://go.to/generalfrenetics/
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Subject: Re: Time for an intervention
From: SubGenius Spice <spice@cotse.comatose>

good point.

so that legume doesn't have to commit suicide, i will instead.

--
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Subject: Re: Time for an intervention
From: none@yerbiz.com (Legume)

It has been a terrible time. Ever since I heard about your car accident,
Joe, I've been feeling really blue. But your courage is the wind beneath my
wings.
--
----------------------------------
Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume

Looking for the New World
and the Palace in the Sun
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Time for an intervention
From: joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

I'm there for you, my brother.

I know being arrested with twinkies stuffed up your anus in the
bathroom of the girl scout meetinghouse, and the ensuing public
degradation, were a terrible blow for you, but I want you to know, not
-all- of us are filled with loathing.
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

"Now, now my good man. It's no time to make enemies"
-Voltaire, on his deathbed, in response to a priest asking him to renounce Satan.

Sig by Kookie Jar 5.98d http://go.to/generalfrenetics/
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Subject: Re: Time for an intervention
From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>

>
> Don't do it guy. You've got so much to live for.

1) The women of the world will go into mourning.
2) The value of all your worldly goods will skyrocket.
3) Everyone will be so sorry they weren't nice to you.
4) Everyone will also realize that you were right and they were wrong.
5) It *will* show them.
6) You will finally prove that your beliefs about life after death
were the *only* right ones.
7) There will be a cult that will worship you for a thousand years.
8) Scholars will pour over your works and endlessly debate your ideas.
9) You won't have to worry about getting sick any more.
10) The pain will end.

--
"Violence in the pursuit of Greed is no Sin."
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Hulkturds@crappagammabrick.ouch (HellPope Huey)

Fuck all that, go ahead and do it,any and ALL o' ye. Once you pay your
$30, you're locked into the whole sorry mess. If you blow yer head off,
you'll keep reincarnating as chickens, sea anemones and volcanic vent
worms, just like "Bob." The only good thing about it is, after you've been
reincarnated enuf times, the next-to-last one is where you come back as
the strap on a strap-on and when its getting really good, it snaps and you
die one more time. Then you come back as Rocknar.

Suicide, huh. I commit suicide every time I leave the fucking house.
Maybe one day it'll STICK! Christ, you'd think I was Bob Dean in a
previous life. If at first you don't succeed, BOOM BOOM BOOM! C'mon
Legume, show 'em how to do it up RIGHT. its the only way they'll LEARN.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
*Pope *Composer *Envisonary
*Bi-polar ice cap on brain

"All columnists are fifth columnists. Prominent for a moment, they
rapidly go out of view,
but the influence stays, and the impulse to contemplate abides. Its not a
career deep down; it is a protest against being overwhelmed by the speed
of things, against letting the world get away from us."
- Roger Rosenblatt, "The Man In The Water"

"Man shoots neighbor with machete."
- Miami Herald

"He's full of pluck, moxie and grit,
all of which he'll be tested for after the race."
- "The Simpsons"

They call me Nyquil Junkie, I don't know what they mean, but I just cain't
be satisfied unless my tongue is green, so gimme a bottle of Nyquil, that
restful sleep my body needs, Analgesic decongestant with a antihistamine
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com> hunched over a computer, typing
feverishly;
thunder crashed, nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com> laughed madly, then
wrote:

> were the *only* right ones.
>7) There will be a cult that will worship you for a thousand years.
>8) Scholars will pour over your works and endlessly debate your ideas.
>9) You won't have to worry about getting sick any more.
>10) The pain will end.

Dang, you're right.

Go for it, Legume. Never mind the previous post.
--
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Boddhisatva Troutwaxer" <tungtung@pacbell.net>

Dude, if you commit suicide, I will perform the necessary ceremonies to
call your soul out of SubGenius Hell, and put it into a nice shiny quartz
crystal. Then I'll go to Venice Beach, where I'll take a nice long walk amid
the freako New Agers and Wiccans. I'll have each of the fortune tellers bless
the damned rock, and when all of them have put the light into your little stoney
cell, I'll find Janor, who's still hanging out down there doing the TV man thing,
and I'LL GIVE HYPERCLEATS THE CRYSTAL AND TELL HIM IT CONTAINS
YOUR SOUL!!!

Trust me, I've seen him recently. No matter how bad it is, you'd rather live.

T.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Time for an intervention
From: "illuminatrix" <dhazel@friend.ly.fnordnet>

"SubGenius Spice" <spice@cotse.comatose> wrote in message
news:gjrt9tojqe4mb8otk079h92u65jdeff58p@megaHAL...

>
> so that legume doesn't have to commit suicide, i will instead.
>
>

fuck that.

you're much funnier than legume.
and although i've never seen you, i have seen him, and i'm willing to bet
you're much better looking.

rev i
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: none@yerbiz.com (Legume)

Boddhisatva Troutwaxer wrote:
>Dude, if you commit suicide, I will perform the necessary ceremonies to
>call your soul out of SubGenius Hell, and put it into a nice shiny
>quartz crystal. Then I'll go to Venice Beach, where I'll take a nice
>long walk amid the freako New Agers and Wiccans. I'll have each of the
>fortune tellers bless the damned rock, and when all of them have put the
>light into your little stoney cell, I'll find Janor, who's still hanging
>out down there doing the TV man thing, and I'LL GIVE HYPERCLEATS THE
>CRYSTAL AND TELL HIM IT CONTAINS YOUR SOUL!!!

You PUSSY, you can't threaten me with that candy-ass excuse for torture.
That shit only filled HOUR ONE of the SubGenius Hierarchy Initiaton Test.

And you don't know torture until you've been through the S.H.I.T.
--
----------------------------------
Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume

Looking for the New World
and the Palace in the Sun
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>

SubGenius Spice wrote:

>
> so that legume doesn't have to commit suicide, i will instead.

Can I have your watch?

--
Artemia Salina -- http://www.drpez.com/drali1.htm
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

I get to lick the beaters.
--
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com (Joe Cosby)
>
>so that legume doesn't have to commit suicide, i will instead.
>
>
>--
>

youd better not goddamn it

shoot a wall instead. or legume. or legume then a wall.
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

Summoning his cosmic powers
and blowing slightly from his toes
the psychic emanations flow
- Syd Barret

Sig by Kookie Jar 5.98d http://go.to/generalfrenetics/
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com (Joe Cosby)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Mar 2, 2001 3:34 AM

"Boddhisatva Troutwaxer" <tungtung@pacbell.net> hunched over a
computer, typing feverishly;
thunder crashed, "Boddhisatva Troutwaxer" <tungtung@pacbell.net>
laughed madly, then wrote:

>
>Dude, if you commit suicide, I will perform the necessary ceremonies to
>call your soul out of SubGenius Hell, and put it into a nice shiny quartz
>crystal. Then I'll go to Venice Beach, where I'll take a nice long walk amid
>the freako New Agers and Wiccans. I'll have each of the fortune tellers bless
>the damned rock, and when all of them have put the light into your little stoney
>cell,

BWAHAHA

I can just see legume get reincarnated and have this uncontrollable
urge to run around hugging trees and being sensitive to squirrels and
shit

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: none@yerbiz.com (Legume)

Joe Cosby wrote:

>I know being arrested with twinkies stuffed up your anus in the
>bathroom of the girl scout meetinghouse, and the ensuing public
>degradation, were a terrible blow for you, but I want you to know, not
>-all- of us are filled with loathing.

I know. Some of you are filled with creamy goodness. Climb into my anus, O
Twinkies that walk among us as men.
----------------------------------
Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume

Looking for the New World
and the Palace in the Sun
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Boddhisatva Troutwaxer" <tungtung@pacbell.net>

O.K. no more Mr. Nice Guy. Off yourself and I'm taking you to the bad side
of Troutwaxing Storyland.

T.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Time for an intervention
From: "Esse E. Percepi" <kevbob@ecsis.net>

"Legume" <none@yerbiz.com> wrote

> I know. Some of you are filled with creamy goodness. Climb into my anus, O
> Twinkies that walk among us as men.

HEALTHY LIVING THROUGH LEGUME'S BOWELS.

--
"What part of "girl my ass" don't you understand?"
Field Marshall Stack
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

LEGUME MY ASS

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Hulkturds@crappagammabrick.ouch (HellPope Huey)

I would advise against this. Many a healthy, potentially-ravishing SubG
has had their dewy glory nipped in the butt by succumbing to the
Nuclear-Roto-Rooter-like effects of having their asses Legumed. You'll be
shittin' into a Ziploc bag after THAT hillbilly bastard takes a ride down
yer alimentary canal in that 4x4 with the cleated tires. DON'T DO IT! The
ass you save may be your own. Enlightenment doesn't do a lot for you once
you wake up tied to a tree at Brushwood, yer colon tied in a bow around
yer head like Judy Garland's bonnet in "Take Me To The Fair."

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
*Pope *Composer *Envisonary
"Whitey Is A DumbAssed Ham Hock with Hands":
A Tragedy in 12 Inbred Generations

"If you find yourself in a fight, never strike first, but when you hit
back, hit back hard. Pick your time and place and nuke 'em. Do not worry
about making enemies. The right enemy will be a sign that you're growing
up and that God loves you."
- essayist Roger Rosenblatt

"I like the pig, from the rootie to the tootie!"
- Don King

"What about the soul?"
"So play some Gladys Knight when I die."
- "Becker"

Oh, the white folks hate the black folks and the black folks hate the
white folks, all of your folks hate all of my folks, its American as apple
pie! But during National Brotherhood Week, National Brotherhood Week, Lena
Horne and Sheriff Clark are dancing cheek-to-cheek, its fun to eulogize
the people you despise, you can tolerate them if you try!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "pisces" <kvanhall@rlc.net>

"SubGenius Spice" <spice@cotse.comatose> wrote in message
news:gjrt9tojqe4mb8otk079h92u65jdeff58p@megaHAL...
> good point.
>
> so that legume doesn't have to commit suicide, i will instead.
>
>
> --

* SGSpice puts a gun to her head and shoots herself
*** SGSpice is now known as Spice_Dead
* Pisces attempts to revive spice
* Spice_Dead gurgles
* kittykat takes the gun and shoots the wall
* Pisces gives spice mouth to mouth
<Pisces> TEEHEE
<kittykat> hehehe !!!
* Spice_Dead turns blue
* kittykat slaps spice and tells her to wake up
<Pisces> ok
<Pisces> thats it
<kittykat> uhoh
* Pisces reaches up into the sky and pulls down the hand of god
* Pisces puts the finger of god up spice's nose
* kittykat looks at pisces oddly
* kittykat wonders how that will revive spice
<Pisces> PBBBBBBBBBBSSSSSSSSSSSSSST
* Spice_Dead twitches
<kittykat> huh ?
* kittykat is amazed
* Pisces watches as the hand of god shoots electricity up spices nose
* Spice_Dead twitches some more
* kittykat begs spice to wake up !!!!
* Spice_Dead pops toast out of her ass
<kittykat> mmmmmmmmmmm , ass toast
*** Spice_Dead is now known as SGSpice
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

"pisces" <kvanhall@rlc.net> hunched over a computer, typing
feverishly;
thunder crashed, "pisces" <kvanhall@rlc.net> laughed madly, then
wrote:

>
>* SGSpice puts a gun to her head and shoots herself
>*** SGSpice is now known as Spice_Dead
>* Pisces attempts to revive spice
>* Spice_Dead gurgles
>* kittykat takes the gun and shoots the wall

WHY oh WHY?

WHY must the innocent walls always suffer?

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

Summoning his cosmic powers
and blowing slightly from his toes
the psychic emanations flow
- Syd Barret

Sig by Kookie Jar 5.98d http://go.to/generalfrenetics/

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Original file name: Time for an intervention - converted on Thursday, 20 December 2001, 03:26