do drunks have slack?

From: arbane@home.com (Arbane the Terrible)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Sep 24, 2001 7:49 PM
Message-ID: <3bafc47d.3205299@news>

On Mon, 24 Sep 2001 17:18:35 -0400, "Rev. Ivan Stang"
<stang@subgenius.com> wrote:

>On the other hand, I had seen some put on such a good "show" or routine
>that I gave them a buck for the entertainment value. But it has to be
>pretty good.

The last highway-side beggar I gave money to had a sign that said "ALL
MY MONEY MELTED." (It was mid-summer.)
If he saw you looking he'd flip to the other side, which said "AND IT
TURNED INTO A MAGIC MARKER."

I firgured he'd earned his dollar.

Remember, the plural of 'moron' is 'focus group'.
-- James A. Wolf
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Subject: Re: do drunks have slack?
From: "St. Marc the Perpetually Amused" <disciple@templeoferis.org>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Sep 24, 2001 9:31 PM
Message-ID: <3bafdec1$0$1520$272ea4a1@news.execpc.com>

in article 240920011718351082%stang@subgenius.com, Rev. Ivan Stang at
stang@subgenius.com wrote on 9/24/01 4:18 PM:

> On the other hand, I had seen some put on such a good "show" or routine
> that I gave them a buck for the entertainment value. But it has to be
> pretty good.

One time a fellow dressed just about as well as I was - and who did have
better shoes - tried to panhandle me when I was on my way home from law
school late at night in the Chicago Loop. He came up to me real
straightforward, and I didn't think he wanted anything except maybe
directions. So I didn't give him my usual "you must be kidding" look.

THEN he asked me for spare change. I figured, "well, he got me," so I hauled
out what I had. I was just gonna dump it in his hand - there was probably a
buck or more, easy. Then he said, "Do you maybe have a dollar, sir?"

I closed my fist and said, "You lost it. Don't get greedy." (Besides which,
I'm not sure I did. It was my charm that got me through law school, NOT my
money.) He just sorta smiled and I walked on down the steps to the train.

St. Marc the Perpetually Amused
Disciple of Eris
Holder of Some Titles
Most Powerful and Revered Being (without portfolio)
Redundant Head of the Department for Arbitration of Redundancy Department
(without portfolio,) Acting

http://www.templeoferis.org
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Subject: Re: do drunks have slack?
From: "LXIX" <post_replys_please@this.address.is.invalid>

I told them, I told them.
Don't put a million monkeys at a million keyboards!

But nooo.. Al Gore had to go and invent the internet.

Now look what we have.. Usenet.

--LXIX--
eek eek ook ook
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Subject: Re: do drunks have slack?
From: "Blackout" <blackout@404infomagic.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Sep 24, 2001 11:55 PM
Message-ID: <5iTr7.1708$OV1.431495@news.uswest.net>

a personal favorite: an old black dude stewed to the gills in San Fran
came over and angrily asked "SPARE .04 FOR A BOWL OF SOUP?"

I kinda laughed and said now where in the HELL are you going to find a
bowl of soup for .04? he rolled his eyes and SHOVED his hand in my face
palm up, sorta like "I ain't in this for the CONVERSATION, ASSHOLE" . I
approved and gave him around $4 or $5 in loose change.
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Subject: Re: do drunks have slack?
From: foobar@fatstinko.com (pocket fisherman)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Sep 25, 2001 4:35 AM
Message-ID: <3bb04160.880594380@news.mindspring.com>

"Blackout" <blackout@404infomagic.net> wrote:

>a couple of them wandered up to me and started in with the "we are
>STRANDED HERE so GIVE ME A DOLLAR to "LEAVE"" then the one goes "please
>please please PLEASE pretty please?" which was pretty funny but not
>quite worth a buck if you know what I mean and I think you do.
>
>of course I told them it sure SMELLED like they were trying to get back
>to _______ by the excess FUEL they seemed to have spilled down their
>gullets and to BEAT IT.
>
>but then I got to thinkin' - hey, are these guys SLACKMASTERS or SLACK
>VAMPIRES?
>
>should I have given them TWICE as much as they wanted or kicked them
>square in the nuts?

you should have gotten down on the sidewalk and rolled an egg around
with your nose. You'd have felt silly, but THEY would have gotten it,
if not appreciated it.

Oh, and you SHOULD have been thinking about kicking them in the nuts
while you were doing it, badarse.
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Subject: Re: do drunks have slack?
From: Tesla Coil <tescoil@irtc.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Sep 25, 2001 5:11 AM
Message-ID: <3BB04836.D3D5CC58@irtc.net>

On 24 Sep 2001, St. Marc the Perpetually Amused wrote:
> One time a fellow dressed just about as well as I was
> - and who did have better shoes - tried to panhandle
> me when I was on my way home from law school late at
> night in the Chicago Loop. He came up to me real
> straightforward, and I didn't think he wanted anything
> except maybe directions. So I didn't give him my usual
> "you must be kidding" look.
>
> THEN he asked me for spare change. I figured, "well,
> he got me," so I hauled out what I had. I was just
> gonna dump it in his hand - there was probably a
> buck or more, easy. Then he said, "Do you maybe have
> a dollar, sir?"
>
> I closed my fist and said, "You lost it. Don't get greedy."

I had a similar experience in Evanston, Illinois. Only this
was a sweet old lady outside a laundromat asking for change
to do the clothes she had in the basket right there. Fished
into my pocket, gave her the couple quarters I had in change.
She looked at them in her hand bitterly, and I was starting
to walk away when she snapped off "don't you have a dollar?"
I gave her The Look that says "if I did, I'd spend it on the
entertainment of putting *you* in a washing machine."

I don't think I was irritated by her being *greedy*, but
that she failed to grasp the Panhandling Principle that
you don't need your target figure from a single passerby.

Anybody who's lived in Chicago and doesn't have a number
of panhandler stories must hole up and have their groceries
delivered by Peapod or something. I *visit* Chicago and
I'm hit up in the first fifteen minutes, maybe a few times.

There's been days walking down Diversey Avenue like trying
to make a field goal: "sorry, outta change," "sorry, outta
change," "sorry, outta change." Finally, there's that guy
who says "hey, all me and my buddy here need is thirty-six
cents to get us a quart of beer." I look back to make sure
the ones I just turned down are outta range. "Here's two
bucks for your honest pitch and mathematical precision."

One night, North Avenue, rrreal tanked guy stops me, says
"lishen to this," starts lifting fingers one, two, three,
"Warshington, Adams, Jefferson, Maderson, Monroe, Adams..."
I let him get up to McKinley or so, stopped him and said
"I'm impressed, I couldn't tell ya the first twelve when
I'm sober--here, go buy yourself another drink."

I'm starting to walk away, he says "wait, wait...remember
they took the horstages in Iran?" Um, yeah, I tell him,
not sure where this is going. "Wadn't it kinda how funny
how they got released right after Reagan took office? Ya
don't think..." Starts *enlightening* me about the whole
Iran-Contra scandal with just this approach. He never, I
reflect, actually asked for money. Just felt like giving
it to him for being such a public service kinda drunk.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: do drunks have slack?
From: "Blackout" <blackout@404infomagic.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Sep 25, 2001 9:26 AM
Message-ID: <0G%r7.15$%03.63301@news.uswest.net>

"pocket fisherman" wrote

>
> Oh, and you SHOULD have been thinking about kicking them in the nuts
> while you were doing it, badarse.

you have a rare and precious talent and you are wasting it.

realize your full potential: buy a bunch of magic markers and start
hanging out in shithouses on construction sites.

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Original file name: Re- do drunks have slack? - converted on Thursday, 20 December 2001, 03:26