Subject: All those who hate Stang.. raise your right tentacle

From: no fuckin' job <bob@thefatfarm.org>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: Dennis Kozlowski (blood suckin' parasite c.e.o.)
Date: Mon, Dec 10, 2001 12:05 PM

I hate Stang. Why you ask? First of all, he exits. I've hated people
for lesser reasons. Second, he stinks, that's right, STINKS! Big time.
I'm jest gonna half tuh kill 'em an' burn 'em. Why should someone who
stinks exist? Nuff said. Well, I've just lost my FUCKING JOB of the
last 22 years and I'm FUCKING PISSED that I'll have to sell my soul to
another corporate mother-fucker until they do it all over again the
next time. You see, that's the real reason I hate Stang. He doesn't
have nor does he want a job. I on the other hand I have FUCKING BILLS
to pay so I AM MORE-THAN-JUST-A-LITTLE-HACKED-OFF. The
thing that bothers me the most is our work and our jobs are all going
down Mexico way. FUCKING MEXICAN SCUM! Ohh well, it isn't
their fault they're a bunch of low-paid browntown cucarachas who are
even more exploited than us washed-out-in-the-sun gringos. FUCK
THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK DENNIS
KOZLOWSKI the ceo of FUCKING TYCO, FUCK THE FUCKING
MAQUILADORA in MATAMOROS MEXICO that's taking our middle-class
jobs away. FUCK YOU FUCK BOB FUCK STANG FUCKING
HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Subject: Re: All those who hate Stang.. raise your right tentacle
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

Guards, seize him.

>
> HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 140306, Dallas, TX 75214
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB
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From: bobdiddley@aol.com (Bobdiddley)

bob@thefatfarm.org wrote:

Envy is a poor substitute for dyed-in-the-wool hatred. You envy Stang. So do I;
what yeti wouldn't? That's not hatred. Hatred is for the pinkness which
surrounds us, condemning us to a 'life' ever more removed from releasing the
Stang within, to rant, frop, fuck, edit, hang out with some of the coolest
dudes and most awesome babes in the Universe, and to take crap from the likes
of you, and the occasional bit of bobbikins bullshit from the likes of me. It's
a tough life for some.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "irk" <reply@here.please>

"no fuckin' job" <bob@thefatfarm.org> wrote in message
news:pro91usdbhk6bul3cj4nmgvgr6j57fevmj@4ax.com...
>
> I hate Stang. Why you ask? First of all, he exits. I've hated people
> for lesser reasons.

P.T.Barnum would have found that a most admirable quality
in a customer. To the egress, sucker.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: no fuckin' job <bob@thefatfarm.org>

On 10 Dec 2001 18:43:03 GMT, bobdiddley@aol.com (Bobdiddley) wrote:

>Envy is a poor substitute for dyed-in-the-wool hatred. You envy Stang. So do I;
>what yeti wouldn't? That's not hatred. Hatred is for the pinkness which
>surrounds us, condemning us to a 'life' ever more removed from releasing the
>Stang within, to rant, frop, fuck, edit, hang out with some of the coolest
>dudes and most awesome babes in the Universe, and to take crap from the likes
>of you, and the occasional bit of bobbikins bullshit from the likes of me. It's
>a tough life for some.

You are absofuckinlutely correct. I need to "work" on that "hate" part
until I get it right. I just wish had some frikkin' frop to smoke. All
I have in my refrigerator is plutonium. I all I have in this newsgroup
are ya'll who have more slak than me. Perhaps I'll find some whilst I
join the great unwashed unemployed.

nfj
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From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

Man, you obviously never bought "STANG - ESO at XX-DAY 99" and boned up
on the doctrine of Involuntary Slack. Or maybe that was "DEVIVAL NOT
FIRE", I cain't remember. Anyway what it basically says is, when you
repent, quit your job and Slack Off, OR when you get fired, the worst
thing that happens is you get a BETTER JOB.

Imagine if you were forced to FREE LANCE... then you'd have to work
half as often but get paid twice as much.

Not all spouses can deal with the math of that, though. Good luck. I'd
hate me too for being so fucking lucky, except that that would sorta
spoil it for me.

See, if you'd have invested in those SubGenius CDs while you had a job,
you'd have already made BIG MONEY off having no job. That's what I did.
I simply bought into "Bob's" One-Eyed Pyramid Plan and got in on the
ground floor of a huge lucrative new cult, THEN, while the rates were
low.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@attbi.com>

First of all, Stang does a SHITLOAD of work even if he doesn't have a "job".
Secondly, his getting PAID for this work depends on the wavering fortunes of
the SubGenius foundation, which may or may not have enough money to pay him,
depending on how sales for that month went. At least when you do find
another job, you know you're getting your money every two weeks regardless
of how much you slack off while you are at work. Heck, if you get a job
under-the-table, or working for tips, you'll probably get paid each damn DAY
even!

If it wasn't for Stang's tireless devotion to this thankless work, you
wouldn't even know what Slack WAS.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

*whack* *whack* *whack* *whack* *whack* *whack* *whack* *whack* *whack*
*whack* *whack* *whack* *whack*

Hey, keep going! I ain't "there" yet.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@attbi.com>

Back to work, you dirty old man!

/me cracks the whip!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: no fuckin' job <bob@thefatfarm.org>

Retract your claws madam. Stang is just an obvious target. Only Bob
really knows how much that true yeti REALLY slaks off.

nfj

AND WHAT THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT MY SITUATION ANY FUCKING HOW,
EH????????? jest workin' on the 'hate' bit.
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Subject: Re: All those who hate Stang.. raise your right tentacle
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

It is true that I am not wearing any pants right now, and yet I am on
the clock.

> AND WHAT THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT MY SITUATION ANY FUCKING HOW,
> EH????????? jest workin' on the 'hate' bit.

You'd be surprised how much an Initiated Mastress of the Forbidden
Sciences can whiffread off a newsgroup post header!
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Subject: Re: All those who hate Stang.. raise your right tentacle
From: John Starrett <jstarret@carbon.cudenver.edu>

Yet, Stang still can't just crap when the feeling comes over him. He is
constrained to poop in the assigned poopery just like a pink. There are
some things that transcend special boundaries.

John Starrett
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <3C151481.399E1544@carbon.cudenver.edu>, John Starrett
<jstarret@carbon.cudenver.edu> wrote:

>
> Yet, Stang still can't just crap when the feeling comes over him. He is
> constrained to poop in the assigned poopery just like a pink. There are
> some things that transcend special boundaries.

At least there's the best reading material and pornography in my
Excremeditation Chamber, but yes, it's true, only our High Epopt "Bob"
can, with impunity, just stroll about leaving piles of excrement,
cotter pins and Jello on the street or in the corner of a beach house
just any old time that he feels like it.

For Number One only, I do have it rigged up to where I don't have to go
downstairs, I can just pee down my leg and this big cookie sheet
catches it so the rug doesn't get bad.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: kconvery@ioma.com (The Bishop)

no fuckin' job <bob@thefatfarm.org> wrote in message news:<pro91usdbhk6bul3cj4nmgvgr6j57fevmj@4ax.com>...

> I hate Stang. Why you ask? First of all, he exits.

Oh, sure, tell ONE SIDE of the story. Sure, Stang exits, but he had
to ENTER in the first place, didn't he? And if he is to go on exiting,
he must continually, serially, almost COMPULSIVELY enter houses,
shops, relationships, restaurants, emotional states, emotional
counties and principalities, Princess Wei R. Doe (the more entries and
exits the better), no-fly zones, no-frop zones (hopefully not for
long, quick exit there), and into agreements with various
corporations, deities, prophets, civilizations, and gangs of thieves
(the IRS being one). And SWEET CONNIE, that doesn't even TOUCH UPON
the many times he has HESITATED ON THE THRESHOLD AND TURNED AWAY. What
is that, huh? Define that, HMMM? Did he enter and exit, never enter,
which is it? YOU DON'T KNOW. NOBODY KNOWS.

Oh, shit, I just thought of something. When Stang EXITS the house,
he is also ENTERING the OUTDOORS! This could keep us in philosophical
pretzel-knots for years. I'll put the coffee on.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: All those who hate Stang.. raise your right tentacle
From: "Unclaimed Mysteries" <k4doh@mindspring.com>

> no fuckin' job <bob@thefatfarm.org> wrote in message
news:<pro91usdbhk6bul3cj4nmgvgr6j57fevmj@4ax.com>...
>
> > I hate Stang. Why you ask? First of all, he exits.
>

Staaaang, never open the cellar door!

Corry
--
It Came From C. L. Smith's Unclaimed Mysteries.
http://www.unclaimedmysteries.net

"I have sold more books about physics than Madonna has about sex." - Stephen
Hawking

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: All those who hate Stang.. raise your right tentacle
From: HellPope Huey <whatthe@flurkingshnit.blargh>

No point in hatin' Stang. I mean, look at him, he's all wizened and hunched over and looks like a crazy Chinaman. Dobbs has cost him his sanity, which was no great pillar of adamantium to begin with and portions of just about every damned organ he has. He's cruising on a mere teacup of liver.

And he's fellated or cunnilinguized virtually all of us by now. Did you get left out, is that why you're carping? Make him put the little tongue stud in and do that thing he does. You'll love him then.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
One disaster and poof,
Mein Kampfout is cookin' yer weiner
faster than you can say Bill of WHAT?

Hey, we just lost another moron.
I felt the World get lighter.
- Bill Hicks

When you have found the place
where a woman loves to be fondled,
don't you be ashamed to touch it
anymore than she is.
- Ovid

"Look out for that orifice!"
- "The Ripping Friends"

Coming soon: ENRONGATE
http://abcnews.go.com/sections/politics/DailyNews/enron011210.html

And for you techies, watch how Enron blew its fuses
http://clearstation.etrade.com/cgi-bin/details?Symbol=

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <9v3v2d0312j@drn.newsguy.com>, HellPope Huey
<whatthe@flurkingshnit.blargh> wrote:

> And he's fellated or cunnilinguized virtually all of us by now. Did you get
> left out, is that why you're carping? Make him put the little tongue stud in
> and
> do that thing he does. You'll love him then.

Oh, Hellpope! You big gossip you. Tee hee hee.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: All those who hate Stang.. raise your right tentacle
From: John Starrett <jstarret@carbon.cudenver.edu>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
<snip>
> For Number One only, I do have it rigged up to where I don't have to go
> downstairs, I can just pee down my leg and this big cookie sheet
> catches it so the rug doesn't get bad.
<snip>

Oooh! A Christmas present hint. OK, who wants to chip in and
get Stang a Stadium Buddy?

--
John Starrett
"We have nothing to fear but the scary stuff."
http://www-math.cudenver.edu/~jstarret/microtone.html
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: All those who hate Stang.. raise your right tentacle
From: HellPope Huey <Killer@MIDIGamelan.Ooo!>

>
>Oh, Hellpope! You big gossip you. Tee hee hee.

Yeah, right. If the intense personal gossip aspect were to suddenly be excised
from the fucking Church, it'd deflate as if someone had done jumping jacks next
to the stove and collapsed the souffle. If ya ain't got nuttin' nice to say
about anybody, come sit over here next to Usenet. I hope all yer tampons turn
into pumpkins, especially Kevan's.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
You just can't come of age as a true Yeti IDIOT
until you face the Fool Within.

There's no such thing as a joke...
it comes from someplace, is about something.
- Sigmund Freud

"Aw, put your finger away, lady,
its CHRISTMAS!"
- "Becker"

"This is the spawning of the cage and aquarium
Don't wait a moment too soon
Used to be different, now you're the same
Yawn as your plane goes down in flames"
-They Might Be Gian
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: All those who hate Stang.. raise your right tentacle
From: peter molenda <peter.molenda@sci.monash.edu.au>

> .... Well, I've just lost my FUCKING JOB of the>last 22
> years and I'm FUCKING PISSED that I'll have to sell my soul to
> >another corporate mother-fucker until they do it all over again the
> >next time.

it does seem like the end of the world, when you've lived under the
gentle wing of some corporate monstrosity all your life and suddenly
they cast you out into the cold without so much as a gold watch. it can
be a bit confusing, adjusting to the way things are right now; job
security doesn't exist any more. it's as if the employers all woke up at
the same time, wondering "why are we treating our employees like we
would our children? fuck 'em! they're like spare parts - if one wears
out, yank it out and install a new one!"

yes. it can be rather nerve-wracking when you have to hop from one
short-term job to another, just barely managing to scrape the rent
together every fortnight, eating out of a dumpster, stealing toiletpaper
from the local McDonalds, etc etc. but as pope Bob Wilson pointed out
several times, the universe wasn't designed for the comfort of primates.
the stakes just got a little higher; you have to be a little smarter
than before.

this doesn't mean you have to be as callous as the employers who would
treat you like dirt, though. if you get onto a good thing, such as, say,
working in a university where they appreciate your deviant skills, share
it with a friend. get them a job in your department. and keep telling
yourself that "Bob" is gonna make some very important changes very soon.
oh, yes. sooon.

--
Peter Molenda
CSO, School of Mathematical Sciences
Monash University ext. 54427
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Original file name: All those who hate Stang.. rais - converted on Thursday, 20 December 2001, 03:26