Subject: If you could have anything you wanted......

From: Hulkturds@crappagammabrick.ouch (HellPope Huey)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Oct 3, 2001 3:07 AM
Message-ID: <Hulkturds-0310010107540001@208-135-242-138.dial-up.ipa.net>

....it'd be....?

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
Trio of Ocularly-Deficient Rodents
Slashed by Psychotic Housefrau, Pg. 7

"When some political or ecclesiastical pamphlet,
or novel, or poem is making a great commotion,
you should remember that he who writes for fools
always finds a large public."
- Schopenhauer

"Are you ready to step up to 'Big Boy" pants?
Then you're ready for a Stihl chainsaw!!"
- a damned commercial for 'em

"The mayor is the problem,
the flagpole is the answer!"
- Firesign Theatre, "Boom Dot Bust"
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>

Peace on Earth, good will toward men, and an eternally 25 year old
Barbra Eden in a bottle.

--
Artemia Salina -- http://www.drpez.com/drali1.htm
"WELCOME TO THE WORLD!!!! I AM YOUR MINISTER AND YOUR UNCLE!!"

Posted Via Usenet.com Premium Usenet Newsgroup Services
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

Trio of Ocularly-Deficient Rodents
Slashed by Psychotic Housefrau

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

"Nations do not have permanent alliances, they have permanent interests"

Sig by Kookie Jar 5.98d http://go.to/generalfrenetics/
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: mtrxhzu@aol.com00101110 (Sistah SpeciaL K)

>....it'd be....?

The perfect opening to start posting on alt.slack again.

Thanks, Huey.

*smoootch*

--
~SSK
Sticks and stones may hurt our bones, but bones heal in a relatively short
time, while one critical parent can cripple you forever.

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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: rlan538885@aol.comnobozos (RLan538885)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Oct 3, 2001 3:00 AM
Message-ID: <20011003030038.21518.00000866@mb-ce.aol.com>

God-like powers.

"100,000 lemmings can't be wrong"
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: peter molenda <peter.molenda@sci.monash.edu.au>

my first thought was "An escape saucer that would seat at least six."
then i thought "why not look it up on the web?" it appears that plans
are available. among other things.

http://www.futurehorizons.net/saber.htm

--
Peter Molenda
CSO, School of Mathematical Sciences
Monash University ext. 54427
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: bear@pole.com (polar bear)

>
> Peace on Earth, good will toward men, and an eternally 25 year old
> Barbra Eden in a bottle.
>
If I remember my ancient TV history correctly, Genie could transform
herself into a variety of different women...blondes, brunettes, redheads,
etc.

Excellent choice!
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: "Rev Jerry" <jthreet@team-vci.com>

good health...or a voodoo woman named Phyllis...one or the other.
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: "St. Marc the Perpetually Amused" <disciple@templeoferis.org>

Overman upgrade, Mark II. Neo "the One" Matrix-type powers. First thing I do
is reprogram reality so that the concept of "autism" no longer exists. That
should fix my daughter and IMBDJLMNOP's (sorry, couldn't remember the
sequence) kid. Then the harem. Then maybe something for the rest of you.
Then the Scourging of the Pinks.

I'd settle for the first one, though.

St. Marc
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: opalpeacok@aol.com.net (Salacia the Overseer)

A refreshing can of astral sex whenever I want it. I have a new favorite
flavor! They just came out with Horny Hermit's Cave. Excellent. Goes down
smooth, yet al dente, with a distinctive nubile green nose and velvety moss
finish. Suhweeeet.

Headmistress Salacia the Overseer
Branch Salacians
Director of Programming, Keeper of the Seven Squeals, keanuphobe
http://www.members.aol.com/opalpeacok/TheCompound.html
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: Reverend DJ Epoch <nunyabiz@noway.com>

To get off this mudball before the mass density of all the stupidity
here reaches critical mass and causes the planet to implode into a
black hole.

Don't know about you, but it feels heavier here every year.

--
This .sig serves no useful purpose.
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: "Rev. Dead Corpse" <DeadCorpse@justanotherfucker.com>

Definitive proof that Hell exists, and that Pat Robertson and the Pope are
heading there.

Failing that, I wanna be the one that invents the gizmo that'll make the
Paperclip obsolete.
--
The Rev. Dead Corpse from the Lone Pentagram State

Your testicular shrinky moment is worthless!
You have evoked an evil older than man!
Older than crutons!
NOW I FEED!!!
-Happy Noodle Boy

"Ya know? For an Evil Super-Genius, he really isn't too bright."
-Rev. Dead Corpse

Rule of Acquisition 125: You can't make a deal if you are dead.

Igne Natura Revnovatur Integra: The whole of Nature is renewed by Fire

Send $1: The SubGenius Foundation, P.O. Box 140306,
Dallas, TX 75214
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: slaac@yahoo.com (Rev. Lemuel Atom)

A briefcase nuke and a one-way ticket to Jerusalem
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: bear@pole.com (polar bear)

>
> "Oh no! You mustn't magically give me three utlra-stiff
> peckers with which to thoroughly work you over all
> night long! I must maintain my astronautical purity!"
>
I always thought he was such a putz because he HAD been working her over
all night long. Do that a few nights in a row then try and fly an Apollo
mission.... or even remember where you left your keys.
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From: hiway@news.speakeasy.org (Field Marshall Stack)
>
>....it'd be....?
>

OUT.

--
Field Marshall Stack hiway@speakeasy.org
"Nobody ever lends money to a man with a sense of humor."
-Peter Tork
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: foobar@fatstinko.com (fat boy beerwhiz)

>
>....it'd be....?

not near as much as I thought it would be before I got it.

could count on that.
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: SubGenius Spice <SubGeniusSpice@jbeyqarg.ngg.arg>

>
>....it'd be....?

everlasting.

--
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

> ....it'd be....?
>

... as much time as I need to make up my mind what it'd be.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 140306, Dallas, TX 75214
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: John Starrett <jstarret@carbon.cudenver.edu>

> ....it'd be....?
<snip>

Taxed to fucking death, no doubt.

--
John Starrett
"We have nothing to fear but the scary stuff."
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: wbarwell@starbase.neosoft.com (William Barwell)

First choice, Life immortal.
Second choice, owning Microsoft.
There'd be changes....

Pope Charles
SubGenius Pope of Houston
Slack!
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: ren <ren@bookofshadows.org>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Oct 3, 2001 8:44 PM
Message-ID: <3BBBB141.2020805@bookofshadows.org>

I'd have Rev. Mary Magdaline if she would have me.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not possessive. We would just borrow each other.
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: "LXIX" <post_replys_please@this.address.is.invalid>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Oct 3, 2001 9:06 PM
Message-ID: <sCOu7.65711$ME2.9101347@typhoon.kc.rr.com>

I'd have a nice banana split with one just still
slightly green banana a scoop of vanilla, chocolate chunk,
and cherry Garcia ice-cream then covered with caramel,
hot fudge, dark cocoa, buried in whipped cream covered
with chopped pecans and topped with a cherry.

--LXIX--
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: Tesla Coil <tescoil@irtc.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Oct 3, 2001 9:21 PM
Message-ID: <3BBBB5C5.502E508D@irtc.net>

On 3 Oct 2001, HellPope Huey wrote:
> ....it'd be....?

Oh... Belgium.

That's all. It's a *small* European nation.
Is that asking for too much?
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

What I would want, would be peace, peace for the -whole- world, and
everybody in it. A -new era- of peace, a new era of -love-, of
universal brotherhood in which -no- man would even think to take for
himself, or herself, until he had first done for his fellow man.

***

BWAHAHAHAHAHA

Yeah right motherfuckers.

Put me down for $10 million and a prosecution-free shotgun spree
through the bible belt from the back of a pickup truck.

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

"When you were establishing your personal relationship with God didn't
He tell you that CLUELESS PEOPLE MAKE BABY JESUS CRY?"
-- Steve Sullivan

Sig by Kookie Jar 5.98d http://go.to/generalfrenetics/
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: "Abbess Abyss" <AbbessAbyss@qwest.net>

1) Fresh breath w/o ever trying, and that raspy after-laryngitis voice, all
the time

2) Perilous *BIBLICAL* thunderstorms once a week

3) A fireplace

4) Lost and Found Resolutions: to find my stupid but dearly loved flattened
octagonal black sunglasses; for Kim to return my #$^^&*#% striped dress,
etc.

5) Someone to magically appear at my doorstep w/ a hungry aardvark to rout
and gobble these frockin' ANTS right out of their nest

6) One afternoon of watching good TV cartoons w/ a SubGenius so I can find
out once and for all if he's got a maniacal mad scientist laugh, after all.

A few, anyway.
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: Hulkturds@crappagammabrick.ouch (HellPope Huey)

*The broad comforts of better perspective.
*The means to digitally edit so I could exorcise for a good cause.
*That Kate Bush would release another disc. The beauty of her work still
takes my breath away.
*Less space between friends, real, imagined or potential.
*To have my words taken as they were instead of transliterated into
something they were not. It'd be WAY better than you think then, honest
engine. Some of you are dead-on right; others are so wrong, it scorches us
both. Ow, my tuchis!
*More time to work it out.
*A modest MIDI drum pad setup so I could scare you all at XD6 or 7. Even
Legume. You just dunno!
*Some affection that didn't appear and then disappear again in the time it
took the wind to gust by one mile per hour more.
*A decent night's sleep.
*Another round at April, 'cause I'm smarter now and she's surely more
purdy still.
*That "Iceknife" had some poetry to go with all that 'science' so he'd be
a better pal and a more worthy "opponent" instead of just an ice knife,
stabbing the same place over & over again.
*That there were no yuppies.
*To peel ALL THAT CRAP away, LAWD yes.
*A pair of neon yellow overalls from the Junior Samples collection.
*A car shaped like a giant Arnold Palmer head with flamethrower eyes.
*A magic pony that gave soft ice cream in 6 flavors.
*More codeine.
*More time to work it out.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
But what if it really WAS about
something else entirely?

Have you ever been on trial for murder? Its weird.
You don't know what to do with yourself.
Singing is out.
Mostly I stare at the judge.
- George Carlin

"Men occasionally stumble over the truth,
But most of them pick themselves up
and hurry off as if nothing had happened"
- Winston Churchill

"Its like pulling a giant band-aid off your crotch!"
- "Malcolm In The Middle"
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: SubGenius Spice <SubGeniusSpice@jbeyqarg.ngg.arg>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Oct 4, 2001 2:13 AM
Message-ID: <jdvnrtglaki2vutquf17cf7c8uf0ac7ink@4ax.com>

"alt.slack", featuring LXIX...Take 9...ACTION!...

>I'd have a nice banana split with one just still
>slightly green banana a scoop of vanilla, chocolate chunk,
>and cherry Garcia ice-cream then covered with caramel,
>hot fudge, dark cocoa, buried in whipped cream covered
>with chopped pecans and topped with a cherry.

SUBSCRIBE !11!!1

--
Prerecorded for this time zone.
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: Dave White <David.White@one.at>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Oct 4, 2001 6:48 AM
Message-ID: <3BBC3E70.3040706@one.at>

HellPope Huey wrote:

> ....it'd be....?
>

a design for a really workable FTL/antigrav propulsion system, where i
could go to an engineer and say, "You've got a budget of n cubic meters
and m metric tons, with k kilowatts of power required. Figure out how to
build a radiation-shielded self-sufficient habitat within these parameters."

once the drive's taken care of, the real problems start; but unlike FTL,
these problems are solvable without twisting reality around too much.

std::
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Subject: Re: If you could have anything you wanted......
From: speaker616@hotmail.com (The Rev. Dr. Lt. Chaos Israel)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Oct 4, 2001 11:25 AM
Message-ID: <b3372e53.0110040725.87d770e@posting.google.com>

Hulkturds@crappagammabrick.ouch (HellPope Huey) wrote in message news:<Hulkturds-0310010107540001@208-135-242-138.dial-up.ipa.net>...
> ....it'd be....?
>

The ability to set the clock back to, oh, say, 1968 or so; with the
assurance that everything'd *work* this time...
And my own personal universe to run the test in, so as not to annoy
those of you on the right.

Better yet, how about personal universes for everybody? Invitation
only. That way, I could explore my bizarre obsession with John Denver,
Malcolm X, and Baba Ram Dass without interference from the rest of
you.

--
Chaos Is. Or something.

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Original file name: If you could have anything you - converted on Thursday, 20 December 2001, 03:25