ATTENTION SUICIDAL SUBGENIUSES:

If you hear any voice suggesting you should waste yourself, say out loud: "AW SHUT UP, LEGUME, YA BIG SILLY FAG YOU!"

And if THEN, you still can't bear to go on, at least wear a Dobbs t-shirt when you go. Will your money and possessions, if any, to the Church. And remember that your memory will be despised by somebody, no matter what. People who commit suicide are assholes to one or more survivors. If it comes to suicide, make sure that you're at least being an asshole to someone who deserves it. Also keep in mind that suicide is an express ticket to the kookhouse if you screw it up and survive.

Is it looking less like an alternative? Good. May you be of good slack.

THINGS NEVER EVER TO DO IN A SUICIDE, OR EVEN FOR FUN:

* Lay big Dobbshead stencil on sidewalk in front of tall building. Aim for it when you jump.

* Arm-carving time again? See if you can complete " "BOB" BOX 140306 DALLAS TX 75214" in your arms before you black out.

* Put on a Dobbs rubber mask, dress in a cheap suit, and walk around Shattuck Avenue in Oalkand, CA, waving and talking like Deputy Dawg or Huckleberry Hound.

* Is it actually possible to be fucked to death?

* In your suicide note, end every sentence with: ""Bob" said so." Write "I love you "Connie"" at the bottom.

* ESPECIALLY: DON'T find an overpass where rush hour traffic is usually bumper-to-bumper at around 90 miles an hour. Don't write down the overpass's clearance. Don't get a rope and cut it the length of the clearance. Don't make a hangman's noose, don't put the noose around your neck, don't put on a suit, don't put the rest of the rope inside the jacket, and don't take a pipe and something to smoke with you. Don't go to the overpass, don't tie the other end of the rope to the rail, don't let the rest of the rope fall slack to the cement, don't light the pipe and take a few puffs, don't stroke your dick and get it hard, and, even if you DO do all that, DON'T jump off with your dick in your hand, pipe clenched in your grin, right into the flow of breakneck traffic speeding to work. I mean it, DON'T DO IT.

I do believe I shall stop there.

The Prophet Lilith

--
=====Her Ladyship Rev Dkr St Popess Lilith von Fraumench, Esquire===== ===Prophet--Devivor--Corrective Phrenologist--XXX-Day Stage Manager=== ==http://ssucc.ragnarokr.com===http://foolspress.com===(887)381-9354== ==Inside the heart of every genius lurks a tard yearning to be free.==

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Original file name: Lil's Suicide Advice - converted on Friday, 29 June 2001, 22:33