From: nenslo@teleport.com (Nenslo)
Hello America! From Master Control World Headquarters in Beautiful
Portland Oregon, this... is NENSLO.
We must admit, dear readers, that we have a strange compulsion. A
Strange Compulsion which comes over us whenever we see a man on the street, a
man wearing a BAD TOUPEE. A mysterious urge comes over us to draw that
unfortunate to one side and say in an undertone, " Confidentially, pal,
LOSE THE RUG." Yes we want to tell that poor fellow to DITCH that sorry Toup,
abjure the occipital upholstery, cast aside the cranial carpeting and let the
glory of their glistening dome shine like a beacon across the land proclaiming
the virtues of HONESTY and FAIR PLAY.
Perhaps these poor men are duped into the wearing of such alien
headgear because of the intensive training given us as children in this great
nation. We are told to Just Be Yourself, and the moment we get up the nerve
to do it, we are HELD UP AS OBJECTS OF PUBLIC RIDICULE. Perhaps it is better
for these deluded minions to FOOL themselves into believing that the dull,
stiff Hairdo-simulator clamped, glued or clipped to their shining bean is not
REALLY an utterly unnatural, ludicrous and obviously phony atrocity
recognizable blocks away as a POLYESTER PELT, making them objects of SECRET
ridicule than to risk public exposure for being HONEST! For you see, by
wearing the Hysterical Hairpiece, making themselves look utterly moronic
in an attempt to FIT IN and Simulate Compliance with community standards,
they are demonstrating that, though the attempt may be an Abject Failure,
they are doing their best to BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, and it's better for
them to be ridiculed for TRYING to do that and FAILING than to sit on the
high stool in the corner wearing the tall pointed cap that says, "NOT ONE
OF US."
Do you have a BAD TOUPEE in your life, friend? Do you have an
UNNATURAL APPARATUS clamped onto the top of your existence, a sorry attempt to
show the "In Crowd" that you're OKAY, that you're ONE OF THEM? Well you're not
fooling THEM, you're not fooling US, and you SURE aren't fooling MASTER
CONTROL, because MASTER CONTROL knows all about you, friend. MASTER CONTROL
has your whole life, from beginning to end, punched out on a little card or
recorded on a few inches of magnetic tape. The only one you're fooling
is YOURSELF, and you're probably not doing a very good job of that, are you
Deep down inside you KNOW you just look DUMB every time you put that silly
thing on, but you'd rather look dumb doing something stupid than have people
laugh at you for being what you really are.
I'm begging of you today dear reader, to LOSE THAT RUG! Just once
before you die BE HONEST with yourself and the world, stand up straight, look
them right in the eye and SEND ONE DOLLAR to NENSLO, box 86582 Portland OR
97286!
This is NENSLO.
"GOOD LUCK"
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Original file name: Subject NENSLO
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