YOU AREN'T GONNA BELIEVE THIS ONE!
I got an email yesterday. I probably shouldn't give my informant's name
out "just in case." But here's what he sent me:
***
Date: Fri, Jan 20, 1995 1:36 AM CST
From: (CENSORED FOR HIS PROTECTION FROM AOL)
Subj: What the hell is THIS, you say?
To: SubGStang1
I just read this in the "Wired SubGenius" area ((of America Online)). Came
out of nowhere.
----------
Subj: the REAL subgenius 95-01-18 22:04:12 EST
From: MRosencleo
I am writing a book on the true history of the Church of the Subgenius and
its ties to the Weather Underground, the Sendera Luminosa and other fringe
radical groups. If anyone that has not already contacted me has any
information about the Church or its core members, please write to me. For
obvious reasons, privacy and anonymity will be strictly respected.
-mrosencleo@aol.com
----------
My first reaction was to think, "Well, I'll just give him Stang's email
address"--quickly followed by "Sure...that's JUST what Stang needs." I
leave it to you.
Slack
((CENSORED))
PS. Who is this guy talking about?
***
That's the letter I got.
OH MAN!! I thought I'd seen EVERYTHING.
Obviously, this alert citizen and master detective has figured out a whole
bunch of things NONE of us knew about. He must already have deduced that,
although the address, phone number, & email address of the main Church
evildoers are plastered all over everything we've ever published or sent
out, TO ASK US WOULD DO NO GOOD as we would merely keep telling our cover
story about how this is just a joke, no, just a religion, no, just a joke,
no,... etc.
Our fiendishly clever tactic of dropping red herrings pointing him to the
Weather Underground and Sendera Luminosa will surely keep him from
discovering our REAL ties to the Symbionese Liberation Army, the Branch
Davidians, the Illuminati, the CIA and the Flat Earth Society!! THE
PITIFUL BUMBLING FOOL! By the time he's on to us, THE GLOBE WILL BE
OURS!!!
Whoever it was who "already contacted" this MRosencleo guy, I'd like to
SHAKE HIS HAND.
And I think we should ALL contact him and tell him EVERYTHING WE KNOW
about Nenslo's Mafia connection, Wellman's SFPD narc squad connection,
Gordon's "black ops" work, Mavrides' "ins" with the IRS, Drummond's arms
sales to Khomeini, Stang's secret love affair with Senator Phil Gramm,
Legume's Hells Angels history, etc. etc. But let's not be ABSURD with it.
Keep messages as plausible as possible. Vagueness helps. If we try to be
"funny" with him it'll blow the prank. Of course, he might be watching
this space, but if what he posted to WIRED was indeed meant seriously,
he's probably TOO DUMB to have noticed that alt.slack even exists! (We
must keep in mind the possibility that he's NOT serious, but merely a good
SubGenius who's good at SOUNDING like a paranoid nut.)
"Weather Underground." Hmmmph. Those wimps didn't go NEARLY far enough. I
resent being associated with half-assedly violent radicals.
That's "mrosencleo@aol.com" or, if you're ON America Online, you poor
bastards, it's just "MRosencleo." For obvious reasons, privacy and
anonymity should be strictly respected.
AT LAST, A QUEST!!
Rev. Ivan Stang
Sendera Luminosa Grand Chieftain, Lodge #7,876
Remember, The SubGenius Foundation and my office MUST be reached now at:
i.stang@metronet.com
(subgstang1@aol.com is a thing of the past. The shameful past.)
WHOOPS! I almost FORGOT! -- another example of Church Truth inspiring
Laughable Gullibility:
Our friend Steve runs THE FLYING LEMUR, a wonderful bookstore for weirdos
in Lakewood, Ohio (Cleveland area). Lots of people hang out there and yak
about the same oddball subjects as the books Steve sells. So these young
folks come in and start telling Steve they're worried about their friends.
Seems the "friends" have kind of gone over the edge about some impending
saucer landing... they've heard something BIG is going to happen July 7 or
5 or something in 1998, and they're throwing a rave near Akron in a week,
for which they're building a giant wooden pyramid, to contact the aliens
or some such. Anyway, these guys are telling Steve, their friends are off
the deep end. Steve says, "Aw, they're just SubGeniuses! You're being put
on. See, here, this book, REVELATION X..." And the kids look at it and
say, yeah, that's the date alright, July 5 1998, but their friends haven't
mentioned anything about this "Bob" guy or this Church or any of this
stuff, they're DEAD SERIOUS about it, somebody convinced them about this
alien thing, and now they're acting like nuts, building landing strips.
THEY REALLY HAD NEVER HEARD OF THE CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS.
This is a case of a tiny PORTION of Dobbs' teachings getting taken out of
context and WREAKING HAVOC ON YOUNG POEBUCKER MINDS!!
So Steve figured out a way to turn it around. He's gonna show up at this
Akron rave wearing a nice 3-piece suit, carrying a briefcase, his hair
hidden, and walk up to the deluded kids in charge (their having been
pointed out to him in advance), and say to each of them, ""Bob" told me to
give you this -- he said it had your name on it" -- and give them each a
Pamphlet #1. And then disappear.
The idea of innocent dumbass Akron redneck kids worshipping Xists, waiting
faithfully for X-Day, BUT WITHOUT THE KNOWLEDGE NECESSARY TO GET THEM A
SUBGENIUS MEMBERSHIP CARD BY X-DAY -- that's a sad thought, friends.
We have to look after the young ones and the lame and infirm of mind.
Rev. Ivan "Angel of Mercy & Light" Stang
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MUM'S THE WORD
From: ncm5662@is2.nyu.edu (Nicole C. Michaud)
Wow... those kids, man. The same damn thing happened to me when I was 12
years old, but sort of had the opposite effect.
This pink friend of mine told me about the doctrine of the
Conspiracy. She knew the acronym (from pamphlet 2). She knew about
"dupes" and "agents", but she DIDN'T know about the other .001%, the
SubGenii. She said that there was nothing I could do about the Con, and
that I could only be either a tool of it or a slave of it. I
instinctively knew that she was leaving something out, and that there had
to be some OTHER type of person. So, when I was 18, six years later, and
somebody showed me The Book, I said, "This looks familliar...", and of
course realized that the Church was what I had litterally been looking
for for a third of my life.
So don't worry too much about them kids. If they are really
SubGeniuses, they'll work it out eventually.
---Rev. Nickie
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Article: MRosencleo Scam UnMasked
From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
Well, at least we SPECULATED that this might be the case.
A little while back, we were made aware of a miniature "SubGenius
Newsgroup" within America Online's version of WIRED Magazine Online,
called "WIRED SUBGENIUS". Our informant copied this excerpt from it for
us:
Subj: the REAL subgenius 95-01-18 22:04:12 EST
From: MRosencleo
I am writing a book on the true history of the Church of the Subgenius and
its ties to the Weather Underground, the Sendera Luminosa and other fringe
radical groups. If anyone that has not already contacted me has any
information about the Church or its core members, please write to me. For
obvious reasons, privacy and anonymity will be strictly respected.
-MRosencleo
****
Needless to say, we here at alt.slack got all excited and made many plans
to "help this earnest researcher out" by feeding him yet MORE misleading
clues about our radical past. NENSLO in particular sculpted some wonderful
disinformation. GOOGAM, SON OF GOOM only knows what other tidbits were fed
to this guy by SubGenii.
Last week, I took the time to inspect this "WIRED SUBGENIUS" area on AOL.
Like most else on AOL, it consisted of a series of two-sentence thoughts,
for the most part -- vapid "Praise Bob! See? I said Praise Bob! Isn't that
funny" sorts of posts (with the exception of the work by "our" mole, who
shall remain unnamed because AOL is known for ejecting True SubGenii). I
captured very little of it to disk. However, down near the end of the
"board," I came across this heartbreaking series (heartbreaking, because
MRosencleo turned out to be JUST ANOTHER SUBGENIUS PRANKSTER and not an
earnest idiot we could WORK OUT on):
****
Subj: real real subgenius 95-01-22 02:05:27 EST
From: MRosencleo
The references in my previous message to Sendera Luminosa and Weather
Underground were mistakes, due to my partner using HAL to mess with the
words I type. The real references used were Shaver Mystery Cult and The
StoneCutters (you know, the secret society that keeps the martians under
wraps and fixes Oscar Night).
How about a new name for the Internet: What the hell are yall talking
about?!?net. :@) (oink)
****
Subj: Re:the REAL subgenius 95-01-23 00:03:54 EST
From: Mechanist
Despite the "Official" Church history, the real truth is that the Church
of the SubGenius (CoSG) is a splinter group which broke off from the
Weather Underground (WU) about 17 years ago. Since then they've practived
random terrorism in an effort to subvert western society. Despite recent
court cases, the World Trade Center bombing was masterminded by none other
than Ivan Stang and "Sterno" Keckhaver (may have spelled that one wrong).
Also, though I hate to let the secret out of the bag, the truth is that
Nicole Simpson was murdered by Janor Hypercleats, on direct orders of
"Bob".
The CoSG's largest effort to date, however, is the recent quake in Kobe,
Japan. The quake was triggered by numerous explosive charges, planted
over the course of several months by young apprentices trained at
Dobbstown. The reasons are not clear. What is clear is that these people
are a danger to the world. They must be stopped before any more disasters
occur.
"Bob", in case you're wondering, is the code name of the CoSG's US
Government mole, who has infiltrated the highest ranks of power and who
leads the group, while carefully manipulating events to the CoSG's
advantage.
Hope this helps! Make sure to use this in your book!! Or kill me!!
****
Subj: Re:the REAL subgenius 95-01-23 11:13:33 EST
From: CARMENN7
It's okay, I hear Newtie is hot on their trail, though it remains to be
seen whether he wants to chair their meetings or eradicate them for moral
reasons.
Wait, maybe we better worry...
***
Subj: real subgenius 95-01-28 19:42:21 EST
From: MRosencleo
The apparently innocuous substitution of words in my initial inquiry was
apparently intentional. The creator of the Hal Edit program must have
hidden this function to route ignorant Subgenius researchers in the right
direction. Obviously there is a deeply hidden conspiracy here, cutting
across all levels of computer society (further?). I now believe that,
contrary to anti-authoritarian and Discordian propaganda, the Subgenii and
their ilk are actually, already, ruling us all. Do you notice the disdain
in popular culture for boring, 'normal' types? Well, I am proud of my
normality! I enjoy watching '90210' in my cocoon with Hello Kitty products
surrounding me. The thought police, masquerading as 'hip', 'cool',
'types', want us all to think the way they do, eat the foods they eat
(especially after they have regurgitated them!), and sleep with the pods
they pick. The Republicans may look like they are rooting out the
subversives, but they are hand in claw with them. Earth-Firsters,
Trilateralists, Amish-they have EXACTLY the same goals for the world.
Compare their literature, substitute words like 'Nature' for 'Capital' or
'Homespun Linen' and you will see. Its time for all us normals to stand
together and assert those qualities that make us unique! What chance do we
have? A slim but hopeful one. These twisted bastards are so unprincipled
in their lust for one-worldism, they sell each other out at the merest
hint of ego-boo. I have in my hands a list of over 500 people, some well
known Subgenii, some in high government posts, who have admitted to their
involvement in this vast endeavor, and who have sworn themselves ready to
reveal all the 'dirt that would tear your head off' in exchange for
nothing more than an acknowledgment in my forthcoming book! Well, I
promise you they'll get what they deserve, as soon as Vantage Press
returns my calls-I sent them 500 dollars, what more do they want?! The ad
promises results! Yours in compassion, discriminating awareness and the
spirit of Coyote Old Man, MRosencleo
***
Yep, we were "had" just when we thought we were gonna "have" the guy.
Incidentally, before I left that $3/hour arena of pain I deposited this
spoor:
**
Subject: We All Went to alt.slack
From: SubGStang1
For some reason, AOL has dropped alt.slack from its list of available
newsgroups on the Net. Possibly because there's the occasional criticism
of AOL... at any rate, you can still get there from here. Keyword
"newsgroups," open "EXPERT ADD," type alt.slack in the blank, and it's
added to your newsgroups. You CAN get to it, and you WANT to get to it. As
far as I'm concerned, alt.slack is the best current SubGenius outlet
going. Besides a much higher level of sustained ranting than most people
here OR on the Mud Plane are used to, you get updates on current HOUR OF
SLACK radio airtimes & places, upcoming devival news, unbelievable clips
from the kookiest rival cults, high weirdness and shordurpersav
suggestions, the best SubG Web site addresses, staggeringly vicious
flaming (both real and imagined), gossip, REVELATION X out-takes, AND MUCH
MUCH WORSE. Many of the old-time Original Apostles of Dobbs are there now,
joining the heretofore unknown crop of Net Apostles. We have chased away
the inane crossposters, and Dobbs now stalks the bandwidth freely. THERE
IS NO ESCAPE.
I just learned of this place and have read the last year's worth of posts.
To update and confirm: yes, REVELATION X is out in stores everywhere...
publisher is Simon & Schuster/Fireside, author: The SubGenius Foundation.
THE HOUR OF SLACK is still on in 16 cities. That Producers for Bob Media
Ecology CD is indeed the nastiest, smarmiest, most low-down Conspiracy
rip-off EVER pulled on the Church at large, and I'm ALL TOO SERIOUS about
that. That idiot doesn't even make a good FAKE "Bob." We are working on
our own CD series project, with Negativland, and unlike the Canadian False
Bob, we don't have to trick them or pay them. We are also working on
getting funding from a suitable game company to produce a SubGenius CD-Rom
interactive, uh, "game," that will be utterly unlike anything ever
attempted in the CD-Rom world. Details, our catalog, etc. may be found on
alt.slack. NOTE: there is also a brand new newsgroup called
alt.binaries.slack, wherein will be stashed Dobbsful artwork, sound bites,
animation, etc.
And don't forget them SubGenius web pages. They're juicy already, and
promise to get WAY juicier.
Thank you, and we hope to hear from you over in alt.slack.
Rev. Ivan Stang
P.S. The "SubGenius" area under Philosophical Matters in AOL's Exchange
(Hobbies) is a terrible embarrassment to us all.
***
Pretty anticlimactic, huh?
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Original file name: Mum's Word(Rosencleo Scam)
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