Isn't Dying Funny? RantOpus III - by LesLucid
Oh my Bob! I just got off a local BBS and you should have
read what I connected to. This girl that I "talked to" has
to go into the hospital for chemotherapy. Har! Har! Har!
She's dying of cancer. Ah Hah! Hah! Hah! Isn't that funny?
:) lol. But that's only part of the story. I really put
the moves on her. I could have bedded her tonight.
Tonight! I was going to, but then decided against it. It
was between her and this beautiful black girl that I picked
up yesterday who stayed overnight. Who is sleeping on my
couch right now, watching TV. Who slept through this whole
incident and is sleeping still, as far as I know. It was a
close call for a while, whom to spend tonight with, until I
learned the details of the BBS girl's plight.
It started innocently enough. I logged onto the BBS and
went immediately to the chat area. I threw out the usual
clever lines for a while and noticed that one apparent broad
consistently kept responding to me on a private channel. So
I started responding to her, privately. I quickly learned
she was a widow, 49 years old. Or so she said. I believed
it. Wouldn't a liar make up something else? Well, maybe
not. Anyway, I gave her my age as 44, which I'm not, and
told her I was single, which I am. Acceptable, no? After
establishing that neither of us were queers, the stage was
set.
I asked her, very diplomatically, about her widowhood. She
responded by giving me her phone number and asking me to
call her right then. Uhoh! Busted! I gave her this lame
excuse about wanting to stay on line for a while and having
only one phone line. She bought it. For about two seconds.
I had already told her I was single but she entered,
"Married, aren't you?" I responded cleverly by entering,
"No." Then I sent a message to the effect that I would call
her Monday. No response. I didn't know whether or not I
could take her for a fool; I was just testing. Finally she
responded, after a long pause, "OK".
Then, in a burst of self-serving honesty, I explained the
real situation to her. Why not? There was always the
possibility that she was bi, that she liked threesomes, etc.
No such luck, but she accepted my "explanation" gracefully.
She cautioned me to use protection. A Har! Har! Har! Can
you believe that? PROTECTION? A Har! Har! Har! I assured
her I would. A Har! Har! Har! That should have been the end
of it. It wasn't.
After about ten minutes of on-line foolishness with others I
suddenly get this message from HER that read, "What is SHE
doing now?" I immediately catch the drift. Jealousy. I
remember it from when I was married. Tell one woman you're
with another and all of a sudden it's a big deal. Well, I
played along, pretending that if I had met HER first that
SHE wouldn't be with me now, an unlikely scenario I can
assure you. All this time I'm seeing HER general comments
to the BBS chat intermixed with HER personal comments to me.
You know, a line oriented connection. She was like two
different people. On the BBS she was throwing out all this
weird, clever, inside-joke kind of stuff that you see
everywhere, including on alt.slack. On the private line to
me she was outputting a "normal" conversation. I saw her
mention on the chat that she had to go into the hospital. I
asked her privately about it. Then I got, privately, her
real situation.
She's dying of cancer. She's in the last stages and still
undergoing chemotherapy. She's scared. She's lonely. It
helps her to "talk to" people on line. She was divorced ten
years ago. She lived with an abusive boyfriend for years,
up until a few months ago. Her words: "He beat me." She
has no family, no friends, and no e-mail address.
OK. I'll call her Mon. I'll cheer her up. I'll laugh and
joke with her. She'll probably teach me a thing or two.
All I can say is "Isn't Dying Funny?"
L.L.
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Subject: Re: Isn't Dying Funny?
From: rwo@raptor.eng.ufl.edu (Lo-Cal Jesus)
i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang) wrote:
leslucid@aol.com (LesLucid) wrote:
:
: > Isn't Dying Funny? RantOpus III - by LesLucid
: >
:
: Thanks for writing and posting that. An incredible story. This is the sort
: of thing that JUSTIFIES alt.slack.
Hell, that ONE POST alone is the very reason why alt.slack is here!
I mean when you can't see the humor in a slow painful death then it's
time to join the Church of Euthanasia.
Besides, I justed *LOVED* the part where the middle-aged divorced
childless lady dialed up the BBS and left a message saying:
BE AT MY HOSPITAL ROOM TONIGHT AFTER ROUNDS
I WANT TO DIE IN YOUR ARMS
CHEMOTHERAPY MAKES ME SOOOOOO HORNY
....................TEAR.ALONG.THE.DOTTED.LINE.....................
Epopt of the Exploding Head of JFK. Licensed to blaspheme the Gods
My skull is bigger on the inside than the outside!
Send $1 to SubGenius Foundation, P.O. Box 140306, Dallas TX 75214
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