Random Church Wisdom. Free samples courtesy of the Yetii
Genetii InstiToot. Use as directed. Do not exceed
recommended dose. Was hands before returning to work.
=====
You can tuna fish, you can tuna casserole, but you can't
pick your friend's nose and look him in the mouth.
When in Rome, do as the tourists. Get diahrrea.
A stitch in time makes your clocks hit a bump.
Don't drink and drive. Drink and RUN 90 mph down the
highway until you pass out and run across the median strip
and smash into a truck head on.
In the beginning was the void, and darkness was on the face
of the void. And "Bob" said, "Say, friend, can I interest
you in a cosmology? Special rate, since this'll be the first
one in the neighborhood. We just want a place to show it
off."
No turn left unstoned.
Error reading volume in frontal lobe. Format ([Y]/y)?
When all you have is a hammer, everything starts to look
like the Corning, NY museum of glass working.
Do not shave the cat. It makes them hard to light.
"Why, yes, Governor Connelly, Dallas is a great city. Or
KILL ME."
The quality of mercy is not strained. There are a lot of
lumps floating in it that can make you choke.
When you walk through the storm, hold your head up high.
And climb a tree while holding a crow bar over your head.
Just say no to drugs. Keep saying no to them, no matter
what they say to you. In fact, scream at them and threaten
to kill them and roll around on the floor barking like a
dog. Pretty soon people will give you your own room, and
come every few hours to give you drugs.
I tried to love my neighbor as myself, but everytime I tried
to grab it he smacked my hand.
(@ @)\DynaSoar\___, Yetii Genetii Research InstiToot
ll ll SubGenius Church of Scienfictiontology
Clench of The One True Pipe Dream, Terran Occupation Forces
DynaSoar, Tibetian Rantarian, Chaplain dynasor@infi.net
"Praise "0100 0010 0110 1111 0110 0010" " -- MWOWM
--
dynasor@infi.net The Doctor is on.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Random Whizzdom
From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)
Rev. Ivan Stang (i.stang@metronet.com) wrote:
: Heck, with all them slogans I bet you could start you a damn religion.
Oh, you silly goose, I already got SEVERAL religions. I got some I haven't
even USED yet.
What I'm gonna do instead is develop an objective, reproducible set of
physical laws which PROVE the superiority of Yetisyny and hence the SubG.
All them other nambly-pamby soul suckers and Holy Whiners got religions
which are antithetical to science. I think what we need here is a TRUE
MERGER. And of course he technological spin-offs from such a religion would
be geared towards making life easier for the Yetish among us. Like Pink
Remover(tm), 4ever-Lok CONtainers(pat. pend.) and Assoul Self-Surgery
Kits(produced under FDA regs as an experimental procedure, to see what
all actually needs to be removed from a Pink to make them socially
acceptable to Yeti).
But first I have to work on the basics. Like the fundamental particles and
forces. So far we've got Bobyons, Wotrons and Mutions for particles, and
slackions, cashions and Mutaters for force waves. (This last is a recent
discovery. It's what turns TV watchers into couch potatoes).
So far the general reallyhoitytoit expression comes out
E = mc^$
Right now I'm working on a pocket Van Der Graff generator. I've been testing
it for, oh, ten or twelve years. Just want to make sure that tingle is JUST
right. You should see the looks on their faces when your pubic hair stands
STRAIGHT OUT like a little Don King in your shorts.
And I'm STILL looking for some Yetifems to clone with. They're all more than
willing to be willing, but they kind of blanch when I explain about cloning
and how they'd give birth to their own identical twin sister.
I'd think they'd appreciate it simply for its 50's sci-fi bulldada value.
Guess I just don't understand wyymmmyynnnn.
--
dynasor@infi.net The Doctor is on.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Random Whizzdom
From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
In article <3k7dm8$c6f@lucy.infi.net>, dynasor@infi.net (Dennis
McClain-Furmanski) wrote:
> But first I have to work on the basics. Like the fundamental particles and
> forces. So far we've got Bobyons, Wotrons and Mutions for particles, and
> slackions, cashions and Mutaters for force waves. (This last is a recent
> discovery. It's what turns TV watchers into couch potatoes).
Just make sure you don't leave out the new Standard Measurements:
philos of Slack
stangs of Pain
gordons of Terror
cleves of SexHurt
janors of Confusion
nenslos of Hate
vreedeez of Lies
g'broagfrans of Bulldada
sternos of MindFuck
howlls of Prophecy
dobbs of 'Frop
connies of Pleasure
legumes of Sin
etc. The measurements of the force are named for the (main) discoverer.
Hop aboard. We obviously haven't scoped out that many of them yet. These
were developed for use in Revelation X, but we decided to cut that sort of
thing because we had all jacked off "enough" (for now) in 3 FISTED TALES.
Notice that none of these are comupter-techno-specific. We need LOADS of
new inexplicable computer jargon for the Web/Game/Explosion script. YOU
KNOW WHAT TO DO.
--
Copyright 1995 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
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