> People at work are different. I was really noticing that
> today. You could take that several ways. 1) People at
> "work" (on the job) are really different. 2) PEOPLE AT WORK
> (people, while they are doing work) are really different.
> 3) People at Work (where I "work") are really different.
> Choice 3 is what I was thinking of. I don't know anything
> about choice 2 and little about choice 1.
>
> Different in what sense? First of all, different as black
> and white. Away from work I, a white boy, hang out mostly
> with bla.., ahh, Afro.., ahh, niggers. When I go to Work my
> "colleagues" are the usual, common riffraff of white
> businessmen, white white-collar "workers", etc. "White" is
> the key word. My Workplace is 100% white. Absolutely
> white. Not one nigger in sight. We don't even HAVE a back
> door. I stoop to this level from 9 to 5 just to make a
> buck. Lots of bucks, actually. Not only that, they provide
> me with the means to post this shit. Official business
> only, of course. At my $25/hr this is valuable material. Even
> so, my two worlds are literally as different as black and
> white.
>
> Now you're probably wondering how I can tell the difference
> between a nigger and a white person. It's a difficult
> challenge. Even many great american leaders, leaders of
> ALL the people, have struggled with this "problem". The
> differences are subtle. Niggers speak with a slight accent.
> They dress better than white people, when they "dress up".
> Musicwise, they clap on the off-beat while white people clap
> on the on-beat. Other differences exist. With experience
> it is possible to tell the difference, trust me.
>
> Attitudes between the races differ too, subtle as those
> differences may be.
>
> White attitude: Your average nigger is a drain on society.
> They are all criminals, drug addicts, or unwed mothers, not
> that those choices are mutually exclusive by any means. Put
> them in jail or send them back to Africa. Or kill them.
>
> Nigger attitude: Your average white mother fucker is a
> racist bigot. As long as they're getting theirs they don't
> care about excluding everybody else, especially us. What do
> I care for this society? What do I care if a white mother
> fucker gets beaten and robbed? Or killed.
>
> Now this is the epitome of Democracy. America - a
> marketplace of ideas. Where reasonable men can air their
> differences and, in the words of Lyndon Johnson, come to a
> consensus. Think of the millions who have sacrificed
> themselves for us to come so far. As a minor example, who
> doesn't know an american who either killed, or was killed
> by, a "gook" in Vietnam while defending our principles?
> (Think of that great american, McNamara, who has suddenly
> discovered the difference between right and wrong. I guess
> McGeorge is a little slow.) Yes, this is america, where all
> men are the same.
>
> Different in what other senses? Most of my older, 50-60,
> male "colleagues" have "problems" on the toilet. I first
> noticed this kind of thing when I "worked" at NASA on a
> student work-study project. There was this guy, an
> aeronautical engineer, named Clyde. Good old Clyde. Instead
> of doing something useful he spent all his time back-
> stabbing his rival for the position of department head. He
> did it constantly, all day and most of swing shift. His
> rival was Jewish, the focus of Clyde's attacks. Clyde was
> very tight with his ambition. It made him tight in the ass.
> He spent much of his time in the men's room, trying to take
> a shit, moaning and groaning. All that he ever produced
> were pathetic little high-pitched farts. Every time I went
> to take a piss he was in a stall: "Ohhh.." "Pituieee.." "Oh
> me.."
>
> It's the same here. The women are sexless and the men can't
> shit. The asses are so tight that they squeak. Everyone
> has big thick cushions on their chairs to ease the pain.
> They walk with short choppy steps, buttocks tense. It's
> comical once you notice it. After you notice it you can't
> ignore it and keep a straight face. It's like being in one
> of those old time movies, a Charlie Chaplin movie.
>
> That's just one example, a different kind of ass. They walk
> different, talk different, dress, act, smell,... The list
> is endless. As endless as some of my days. At least I have
> plenty of time to write to alt.slack.
>
> L.L.
----------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re; A Different Kind of Ass
From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
"His body is small, but his heart is large. So, from now on, he will be
called "Little Big Man." "
-- Little Big Man
A very long stretch of my life seemed like a series of one chameleon
routine after another, as I kept finding myself the only SubGenius for
miles around in one ethnic/classline group after another, each time just
long enough to halfway assimilate. Of course it is impossible for a
SubGenius to truly "go native" in ANY culture. Go "native" from WHAT? You
can't get there from here. But from within each succeeeding generic
paradigm you start seeing all the others in a different way. You get to
where you believe ALL races are equally racist -- that is, not quite enough
to have destroyed the world yet, but almost.
Until high school it was regular garden-variety po'buckers. Everybody was
white and a Baptist and every kid's dad was an auto mechanic. We thought
all other races or religions were legends, nothing more. I decided that
most Po'buckers were CRAZY.
Suddenly I was slingshotted into a fancy smancy high school, where half
the kids were UNTHINKABLY RICH and the rest were "UPPER CLASS" at least
(or else had INSANE PARENTS making a LAST DITCH EFFORT to get the clan out
of the gutter ONE MORE TIME, which was my situation, who were BLOWING WHAT
LITTLE MONEY THEY HAD). And there were NO GIRLS and we had to wear TIES
and called each other by last names like little businessmen. The only
black kid was the son of the Governor of Gambia. It broadened part of
one's experience while strait-jacketing other parts. I learned that most
rich people were CRAZY.
Then I was married and plunged back into near-poverty, which was a rude
shock at first but soon got familiar again. But we ended up living on an
Indian reservation in South Dakota in a teeny little town where the local
white folks were so square that we actually got along much better with the
Indians, many of whom at least had a highly developed sense of bulldada in
everyday life. But there are as many kinds of Native Americans as there are
white people, and after an initial gosh-wow impression I decided they
were just as crazy as everybody else.
After the reservation we settled in a Dallas inner city neighborhood that
was half Hispanic or Mexican-American, and half Mexican. With a
smattering of weirdos and starving artist types. Believe me, all of these
types are crazy as hell. We lived there for the entire stretch of my kids'
elementary and junior high educations. I could tell which pal my daughter
had been hanging out with the most each day by whether she had a Mexican
or black accent. For three or four of those years my Con job involved
writing and editing documentary films shot in China, Vietnam and Korea,
which involved a lot of travel and months working with translators.
They're all nuts too as far as I can tell. At one point I had been
surrounded by Chinese people, ONLY, for so long that when I suddenly
encountered an elevator disgorging a load of giant loud heaving dogfaced
monster-ghost GERMANS, SWISS, and ENGLISHMEN, gesticulating with bizarre
expansive movements, barking in a WEIRD, INHUMAN LANGUAGE, for ONE EIGHTH
OF AN INSTANT I saw my own people as the Chinese see us. It was COOL!!
We're SCARY sons-a-bitches! We're EVERY bit as scary as any FOREIGNER ever
looked to US! It was somehow reassuring. Makes one less on the defensive.
At any rate, the Church of the SubGenius finally swoll up to the point
that aside from a few key Normal shopkeepers, clerks and suppliers that I
have dealt with daily for so long they don't count, I am now surrounded
mostly by SubGeniuses. Imagine that. I don't know if anybody else is in
quite this situation. For ANY SubGenius, the world is MOSTLY Normals. For
me, after having this job as Sacred Scribe for 15 years (albeit part-time
until recently), the world is MOSTLY SUBGENIUSES. And you want to know
the ULTIMATE, MIND-NUMBING HORROR OF IT?? >THEY< ARE THE CRAZIEST OF
ALL!!! It makes one suspect that a planet of SubGeniuses only would be an
unthinkable LIVING NIGHTMARE. PRAISE DOBBS that when there are SubGeniuses
only, we will each HAVE a planet.
And I guess then we'll find out how crazy the XISTS are.
Rev. Ivan "Little Big Dick" Stang
--
Copyright 1995 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
---------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: A Different Kind of Ass
From: jlyons@haven.ios.com (John)
Date: 23 Apr 1995 03:20:28 GMT
LesLucid wrote:
: It's the same here. The women are sexless and the men can't
: shit. The asses are so tight that they squeak. Everyone
: has big thick cushions on their chairs to ease the pain.
: They walk with short choppy steps, buttocks tense. It's
: comical once you notice it. After you notice it you can't
: ignore it and keep a straight face. It's like being in one
: of those old time movies, a Charlie Chaplin movie.
This phenomenon is commonly referred to as "buttlock".
Hope this helps.
--
| John | |
| jlyons@haven.ios.com | (.sig under construction) |
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