Fw: Clinton Opera

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"All over the world, boys, the demand for toilet-raised fish is growing!"
-Firesign Theatre, BOOM DOT BUST
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An opera in 4 acts

"Those who dance appear insane to those who cannot hear the music"

Act 1.

The Situation: Bill Clinton has been elected President of the United States by an overwhelming margin. The Republicans are devastated, angry and are trying to find their way back to power. As the curtain rises on the opera, the House Republicans are meeting with Ken Starr with the object of trying to find a way to remove Bill Clinton from the Presidency.

The opening chorale "We Must Find a Way" (Creatio grandissimo flooz scandala) is sung as a sextet. In an impressive recitative, Tom Delay sings "Where Will We find a Helper?" Dredgi uppulia una Granda Bimba). The House Republicans exit. Paula Jones enters stage right with a mirror, singing her plaintive "Why Can't I find a Man?" (Mi Schnoz es humongo.)

Tom Delay and Newt Gingrich enter from the other wing. They spot Paula and sing the duet "Why Not Her?" (La Flooza perfetta). They meet and take Paula to a small cafe where they hatch their plot in hushed tones. Paula tells them of her meeting in a hotel with Clinton years earlier and how her fortunes have collapsed since then. Delay and Gingrich offer to help. They sing the aria, "Your Luck has Changed" (Nozjobbo es rewardo).

Act 2.

The House Republicans reconvene with the news of Paula's revelations. They sing in jubilation "We must Tell the World" (Phono tabloido). The rear curtain raises to reveal the Chorus of Media who sing the chorale, "Tell Us More, But Only the Truth" (Sexio scandala hypo sweepi).

Gingrich enters with Pat Robertson. They sing the duet "He Must Go" (Hypocriti pious crappola). Robertson offers to make time on his television program to expose the charges. At the House Republicans' suggestion, Paula initiates a lawsuit. The Jones scandal becomes the topic of conversation throughout the country.

The Chorus of Lawyers enters from the right to sing the jubilant grand chorale "We Must do Our Duty" (Multi, multi grande moolah). Ken Starr meets with the House Republicans to plan the next steps. They sing the aria "We Will Save the Country" (Sleezi connivo). Starr promises to convene a grand jury which will send charges to the Congress He sings "The Truth Will be Known" (Whitewater non starto, probo la flooz epidemio). The Chorus of Lawyers sings a reprise of "We Must Do Our Duty" as the act ends.

Act 3.

Linda Tripp enters the stage arm in arm with Ken Starr. She is wearing a headset. She is singing "Monica is My Dearest Friend" (Mi es la wiccida witchi occidenta). She tells Starr about the secret tapes that she has made of conversations with Monica Lewinsky. Starr takes them from her and sings "We've Got Him Now" (Presidente droppo pantaloni). Starr hurries off to the Grand Jury to call Monica as a witness.

Monica enters the grand jury room where the Chorus of lawyers asks her questions. They sing the recitative "How Did It happen?" (Panti thongo, la flashi). Monica in the long passionate aria "We Were Meant for Each Other" (Non smoko El Pruducto, phalli symboglio).

In the third scene, Hilary and Bill are sitting in the Lincoln bedroom talking about the revelations about Monica. Hilary sings "I Will Stand By You" (Tu jercho estupido, mi removo su equippamento). Bill replies with "She Was the Only One" (non conto Gennifer, Paula, piu multi bimba forgetta). They embrace.

Act 4.

Sam Donaldson is interviewing Henry Hyde in the Capitol Building. The chorus of Lawyers hums in the background. Hyde sings the aria "We Believe in Something (Impeaccho hippi bastardo). Donaldson sings a recitative in answer, "We Only Want the Truth" (Toupee eslippo). The great trial begins in the Senate. Trent Lott reacts to public opinion polls showing that the President has a 76% approval rating with the public with the poignant aria, "What is Right is Not Popular" (Partia Repubblico committini suicido). The Chorus of Lawyers sings the chorale "Principles Come First" (Mi adultero non conto).

With great flourish, Henry Hyde, Bill McCullom and Tom Delay stand before the Senate to present their case. They sing the somber trio "How Can you Not Convict?" (Evidenso multi flimsioso).

Finally in a moving chorale, the Chorus Of Lawyers sings "For the Good of the Nation, We Must Acquit." (Senato non stupido.) After the vote is announced, Henry Hyde, Tom Delay, Trent Lott and Bill McCollum leave the Senate Chamber singing the grand quartet "We Still Know the Truth" (Wasto multi millioni) as the act ends.

Epilogue.

The President sings the contrite aria "I am Very Sorry" (Revengo futuro) as the Chorus of Media circles him, shouting their questions.

They sing "Who will now Believe us?" (Publicca degustanta es in media). Monica Lewinsky crosses the stage with her new literary agent, Ken Starr. They sing "It is Still Not Over" (Publishi grande bucchi, dollare millioni) as the curtain falls.

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<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>- An opera in 4=20
acts "Those who dance appear insane to those who cannot hear = the=20
music" Act 1.     The Situation: Bill = Clinton=20
has been elected President of the     United States by = an=20
overwhelming margin. The Republicans are     = devastated, angry=20
and are trying to find their way back to     power. As = the=20
curtain rises on the opera, the House Republicans     = are=20
meeting with Ken Starr with the object of trying to find = a    =20
way to remove Bill Clinton from the =
Presidency.     The=20 opening chorale "We Must Find a Way" (Creatio=20 grandissimo     flooz scandala) is sung as a sextet. = In an=20
impressive     recitative, Tom Delay sings "Where = Will We=20
find a Helper?"     Dredgi uppulia una Granda = Bimba). The=20
House Republicans exit.     Paula Jones enters stage = right=20
with a mirror, singing her     plaintive "Why = Can't I=20
find a Man?" (Mi Schnoz es humongo.)     Tom = Delay=20
and Newt Gingrich enter from the other wing. They     = spot=20
Paula and sing the duet "Why Not Her?" (La Flooza     = perfetta).=20
They meet and take Paula to a small cafe where = they    =20
hatch their plot in hushed tones. Paula tells them of = her    =20
meeting in a hotel with Clinton years earlier and how = her    =20
fortunes have collapsed since then. Delay and Gingrich offer=20 to     help. They sing the aria, "Your Luck has=20 Changed" (Nozjobbo es     rewardo). Act=20 2.     The House Republicans reconvene with the = news of=20
Paula's     revelations. They sing in jubilation = "We must=20
Tell the World"     (Phono tabloido). The rear = curtain=20
raises to reveal the Chorus     of Media who sing the = chorale,=20
"Tell Us More, But Only the     Truth" = (Sexio=20
scandala hypo sweepi).     Gingrich enters with = Pat=20
Robertson. They sing the duet "He     Must = Go"=20
(Hypocriti pious crappola). Robertson offers to = make     time=20
on his television program to expose the charges. At = the    =20
House Republicans' suggestion, Paula initiates a lawsuit.=20 The     Jones scandal becomes the topic of = conversation=20
throughout the     country.     = The=20
Chorus of Lawyers enters from the right to sing the=20 jubilant     grand chorale "We Must do Our = Duty"=20
(Multi, multi grande     moolah). Ken Starr meets with = the=20
House Republicans to plan the     next steps. They = sing the=20
aria "We Will Save the Country"     (Sleezi=20 connivo). Starr promises to convene a grand jury = which    =20
will send charges to the Congress He sings "The Truth Will=20 be     Known" (Whitewater non starto, probo la = flooz=20
epidemio). The     Chorus of Lawyers sings a reprise = of=20
"We Must Do Our Duty" as     the act=20 ends. Act 3.     Linda Tripp enters the = stage arm=20
in arm with Ken Starr. She is     wearing a headset. = She is=20
singing "Monica is My Dearest Friend"     = (Mi es la=20
wiccida witchi occidenta). She tells Starr about = the    =20
secret tapes that she has made of conversations with=20 Monica     Lewinsky. Starr takes them from her and = sings=20
"We've Got Him Now"     (Presidente droppo=20 pantaloni). Starr hurries off to the Grand     Jury to = call=20
Monica as a witness.     Monica enters the grand = jury room=20
where the Chorus of lawyers     asks her questions. = They sing=20
the recitative "How Did It     happen?" = (Panti=20
thongo, la flashi). Monica in the long     passionate = aria=20
"We Were Meant for Each Other" (Non smoko = El    =20
Pruducto, phalli symboglio).     In the third = scene,=20
Hilary and Bill are sitting in the Lincoln     bedroom = talking=20
about the revelations about Monica. Hilary     sings = "I=20
Will Stand By You" (Tu jercho estupido, mi removo = su    =20
equippamento). Bill replies with "She Was the Only One"=20 (non     conto Gennifer, Paula, piu multi bimba = forgetta).=20
They embrace. Act 4.     Sam Donaldson is=20 interviewing Henry Hyde in the Capitol     Building. = The=20
chorus of Lawyers hums in the background. Hyde     = sings the=20
aria "We Believe in Something (Impeaccho = hippi    =20
bastardo). Donaldson sings a recitative in answer, "We Only=20 Want     the Truth" (Toupee eslippo). The great = trial=20
begins in the     Senate. Trent Lott reacts to public = opinion=20
polls showing that     the President has a 76% = approval rating=20
with the public with the     poignant aria, "What = is=20
Right is Not Popular" (Partia Repubblico     = committini=20
suicido). The Chorus of Lawyers sings the chorale    =20 "Principles Come First" (Mi adultero non=20 conto).     With great flourish, Henry Hyde, Bill = McCullom=20
and Tom Delay     stand before the Senate to present = their=20
case. They sing the     somber trio "How Can you = Not=20
Convict?" (Evidenso multi    =20 flimsioso).     Finally in a moving chorale, the = Chorus Of=20
Lawyers sings "For     the Good of the Nation, We = Must=20
Acquit." (Senato non stupido.)     After the vote = is=20
announced, Henry Hyde, Tom Delay, Trent Lott     and = Bill=20
McCollum leave the Senate Chamber singing the = grand    =20
quartet "We Still Know the Truth" (Wasto multi millioni)=20 as     the act=20
ends. Epilogue.     The President sings the =

contrite aria "I am Very Sorry"     (Revengo = futuro)=20
as the Chorus of Media circles him, shouting     their =

questions.     They sing "Who will now = Believe=20
us?" (Publicca degustanta es in     media). = Monica=20
Lewinsky crosses the stage with her new literary     = agent,=20
Ken Starr. They sing "It is Still Not Over"=20 (Publishi     grande bucchi, dollare millioni) as the = curtain=20
falls.</DIV></BODY></HTML>

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