[TROLL THREAD] Kerry vs. Burned out Light Bulb
Correspondent:: Zapanaz
Date: Mon, 18 Oct 2004 19:08:18 -0700
--------
On Mon, 18 Oct 2004 20:43:43 -0400, "iDRMRSR"
wrote:
>Kerry's plan to address a burned out lightbulb:
>
>1. Lay the blame for the disaster in the Bush camp.
>2. Convene a multilateral, international coalition to assemble a volunteer
>force to sanction the lamp and secure the lamp perimeter according to UN
>decree.
>3. Simultaneously raise the taxes of those with incomes over $200,000 a
>year to fund a replacement bulb. Use the excess funds to ensure future bulb
>purchases for the middle class.
>4. Convene an international task force to consider the environmental
>implications of allowing a free release of photons and heat to escape from
>the lamp area.
>5. Consider the fact that continued usage of lamps exposes us to further
>reliance on foreign energy sources, and that bulb waste disposal is a
>significant threat to the global ecology.
>6. In the end, convince everybody that it is sounder to sit in the dark,
>proclaiming:
>
>"Rather than change the light bulb, it is WE who must change!"
>
>[*]
>-----
>
Bush's plan to address a burned out light bulb:
1. Send in the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines. The CIA say that
this light bulb's extinction was directly the result of TERRORISTS.
Well what they said specifically if you want to belabor the details
was "the light bulb burning out had absolutely nothing whatsoever to
do with terrorism in any way, shape or form" and a commision of
international experts agreed, but General Electric is a TYRANNY. They
are ruled by some kind of despot called a "president" and I heard once
from THIS ONE GUY that they one time strip searched someone. The
employees of General Electric will hail us as god-like liberators if
we invade. Aw fuck it, I gotta invade SOMETHING. I got this whole
ARMY. They'll do whatever the fuck I tell them.
2. Go to congress and demand 200 billion trillion gazillion bajoogle
zillion million dollars for the invasion of General Electric (note:
get someone to help me with the math, I don't think those are real
numbers). Phrase the request in such a way that they will look like a
bunch of twisted anarchist unamerican grandmother-rapers if they say
no.
3. In order to offset the billion trillion gazillion bajoogle zillion
million dollar expense, lower taxes for the rich.
4. Inade some place in the middle east to draw attention away from
the fact that I seem to have made a little math error again in part 3
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
Have you had any formal psychotherapy?
>
******No. But I have a tuxedo.******
Correspondent:: Fair and Balanced Hyco-Limbaugh Fart Detector
Date: Tue, 19 Oct 2004 02:29:41 GMT
--------
On Mon, 18 Oct 2004 19:08:18 -0700, Zapanaz
wrote:
>On Mon, 18 Oct 2004 20:43:43 -0400, "iDRMRSR"
> wrote:
>
>>Kerry's plan to address a burned out lightbulb:
>>
>>1. Lay the blame for the disaster in the Bush camp.
>>2. Convene a multilateral, international coalition to assemble a volunteer
>>force to sanction the lamp and secure the lamp perimeter according to UN
>>decree.
>>3. Simultaneously raise the taxes of those with incomes over $200,000 a
>>year to fund a replacement bulb. Use the excess funds to ensure future bulb
>>purchases for the middle class.
>>4. Convene an international task force to consider the environmental
>>implications of allowing a free release of photons and heat to escape from
>>the lamp area.
>>5. Consider the fact that continued usage of lamps exposes us to further
>>reliance on foreign energy sources, and that bulb waste disposal is a
>>significant threat to the global ecology.
>>6. In the end, convince everybody that it is sounder to sit in the dark,
>>proclaiming:
>>
>>"Rather than change the light bulb, it is WE who must change!"
>>
>>[*]
>>-----
AWOL Bush method:
1. It was starting to burn out under Clinton
2. It was dark, true, but its getting lighter and lighter all the
time.
3. Exempt the rich from paying for the lightbulbs
4. Dick Cheney task force to see where to move the lamp.
5. Buy lightbulbs from Haliburton
>>
>
>Bush's plan to address a burned out light bulb:
>
>1. Send in the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines. The CIA say that
>this light bulb's extinction was directly the result of TERRORISTS.
>Well what they said specifically if you want to belabor the details
>was "the light bulb burning out had absolutely nothing whatsoever to
>do with terrorism in any way, shape or form" and a commision of
>international experts agreed, but General Electric is a TYRANNY. They
>are ruled by some kind of despot called a "president" and I heard once
>from THIS ONE GUY that they one time strip searched someone. The
>employees of General Electric will hail us as god-like liberators if
>we invade. Aw fuck it, I gotta invade SOMETHING. I got this whole
>ARMY. They'll do whatever the fuck I tell them.
>
>2. Go to congress and demand 200 billion trillion gazillion bajoogle
>zillion million dollars for the invasion of General Electric (note:
>get someone to help me with the math, I don't think those are real
>numbers). Phrase the request in such a way that they will look like a
>bunch of twisted anarchist unamerican grandmother-rapers if they say
>no.
>
>3. In order to offset the billion trillion gazillion bajoogle zillion
>million dollar expense, lower taxes for the rich.
>
>4. Inade some place in the middle east to draw attention away from
>the fact that I seem to have made a little math error again in part 3
>
>
>
>--
>Zapanaz
>International Satanic Conspiracy
>Customer Support Specialist
>http://joecosby.com/
>Have you had any formal psychotherapy?
>>
>******No. But I have a tuxedo.******
>
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Tue, 19 Oct 2004 15:28:43 GMT
--------
In article <41747b52.701153968@news.supernews.com>,
Fair and Balanced Hyco-Limbaugh Fart Detector wrote:
> AWOL Bush method:
>
> 1. It was starting to burn out under Clinton
> 2. It was dark, true, but its getting lighter and lighter all the
> time.
> 3. Exempt the rich from paying for the lightbulbs
> 4. Dick Cheney task force to see where to move the lamp.
> 5. Buy lightbulbs from Haliburton
DING! DING! DING! DING! WE HAVE A WINNER!!! Succinct, accurate and
galling. Gawdamn that Bushy sunumabitch anyway.
--
HellPope Huey
Pity the truly Lost, for they are the ones
who keep showing up at political rallies
and demanding scratch-&-sniff centerfolds
in Cat Fancy magazine.
To get the attention of a large animal,
be it an elephant or a bureaucracy,
it helps to know what part of it feels pain.
Be very sure, though, that you want its full attention.
- Kelvin Throop
"I'm not going to be your monkey."
- Jon Stewart
Correspondent:: GD
Date: 19 Oct 2004 22:31:22 +0950
--------
Zapanaz wrote in
news:0lt8n0d1q47aind3d48eob85is4umdgfp7@4ax.com:
> Bush's plan to address a burned out light bulb:
>
> 1. Send in the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines. The CIA say that
> this light bulb's extinction was directly the result of TERRORISTS.
1. Those terrorists burn out light bulbs!
later...
2. Those terrorists have burn out light bulb programs!
later...
3. Those terrorists have burn out light bulb program activities!
later...
4. Those terrorists have burn out light bulb program related activities!
later...
5. Those terrorists have the potential capacity to institute burn out light
bulb program related activities!