REPOST - Dia de los Fartos
Correspondent:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Sat, 30 Oct 2004 20:34:07 -0700
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Dia de los Fartos
The "Mexican" Day of the Fart traces it origins to
the prehistoric Olmec Empire. According to the
ancient tradition, the Olmec god Pootallotl, god of
the South Wind, gave beans to the Olmec peoples
that they might raise their behinds in audible
praise of him.
Unfortunately, these traditions doomed the Olmec
and later people to the effects of environmental
degradation. For after about 200 years of bean
consumption, each Empire would fall, the victim
to intolerable stinkyness, and the people would
have to move elsewhere.
Western eyes first witnessed one of the subsequent
rituals honoring Pootallotl when the Conquistadores
observed the following event on an Aztec temple:
"One could not but be overwhelmed by the grandeur
and festivity of this heathen ritual. We observed
the enormous and noisy crowd, bedecked in brightly-
colored feathers which swayed before even the
slightest waft of wind--gales of which were created
by the assembled.
The sacrificial victim had been fed large quantities
of beans in the proceeding week...whilst a large,
cork-like plug had been inserted...and thus, he had
become inflated as like an overfull bladder.
...the then laid their ovoid victim upon the stone
and gently pricked at his abdomen with their
knives...at which point the helpless creature
exploded with the force of a cannon."
-Cpt. Evacuito Explosivo y Noxious
Needless to say, the cult of Pootallotl was savagely
supressed by the Catholic Dominican Order, the Holy
Church being appalled by this "catering to the
weaknesses of all bowels."
Early Colonial Americans, soon after their arrival in
the new world, also wrote extensively of native gods
such as the Mohawk "Squeefraap", and the Seminole
"Toot-toot-a-whee-toot."
In modern times, though still referred to as the
"Mexican" Day of the Fart, this holiday has become
truly international, especially among wicked small
boys. Celebrated concurrently with Halloween, it
usually can only be distinguished if a celebrant
lets slip with a real barn-buster, or if one
listens very carefully to the small children who
have arrived at one's door for the telltale cry,
"Trick or Fart!"
--
I don't know what you're talking about.
I've never met you before in my life.
That story sounds like utter bullshit.
I wasn't there and it wasn't me.
I am *not* in denial. Shut up.
--nu-monet