John Trubee's Tales for Wretched Children: Things to See, Say and PEE about
Correspondent:: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)
Date: 6 Oct 2004 20:13:14 -0700
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The author of the beloved children's songs "Blind Man's Penis" and
"Hag Marcella" sent me this questionnaire. See if your answers might
differ from mine. Well, maybe not by much in THIS crowd, but maybe.
>>>>Did Hector give back those vouchers to Belinda
about what had happened at the reception in April?
He was going to, but when he saw that the baby had three eyes and
horns, he cashed them in and bought a case of Old Snort. Drank it all
in one sitting and cacked it from alcohol poisoning during "Rescue
Me."
>>>> How come so many people have lotsa money but I don't?
That's not fair, is it?
No, what's unfair is that a crazy man was giving away $50 bills on
the corner and I didn't call to let you know before they were all
gone.
>>>> How can Satan be overcome in our lifetime?
Some say through temperance and faith, but I say "Baseball Bats" for
$400, Alex.
>>>> If the evils of Satan are such a great problem, can we somehow
stop them through government programs? Government spending on
on various beneficial programs has successfully ended many
awful problems such as the War on Drugs, the War on Terror,
the War on Poverty, the War against Drunken Driving, and the
War Against Unwed Teenage Mothers. Couldn't such a government
program also effectively work against Satan?
It could theoretically be helpful, but as Satan is the senior member
of the House Ways and Means Committee, blow it out your ass, white
boy.
>>> What do I have to do to get laid? I don't know how. Please help
me.
Well for starters, take a damned BATH, mufugger. She won't like your
stank member any more than you'd like her stank no-no. Also, most
women are not turned on by misogyny. You have a lotta scrubbin' to do
on both ends, bucko.
>>>>Kenneth, what's the frequency?
Usually 3 to 4 times a week, unless she has Saturday AND Sunday
off. Then its 5 to 7.
>>>> When you flush the toilet, what happens to all the shit?
I never figured this out.
There are so many possible answers to this one, its like asking a
Commodore 64 to calculate pi; it'll just pop and let out a little
smoke. Short answer: its divided between two pipes that lead to Sun
Myung Moon's head and the writers' den of The Ellen Degeneres Show.
>>>> Did you hear what Barbara and Jim said to Tammy yesterday
afterwards
when Carol confronted Pete about the thing that had happened with
Tiffany?
Hear it, hell, I have a video. Its very nasty; want a copy?
>>>> On those 'Girls Go Wild' videos, do you think if I wrote to
the
producers they'd give me the phone numbers of those women? Just
curious.
You have about as much chance of that as you do of getting tongue
from Snoop Dogg.
>>>>What's your favorite kind of candy?
Gummi China White heroin gazelles.
>>>>If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?
I am already an animal; I am a Man and I don't know why, it just
IS.
>>>> How come when people get shot on TV and in movies they don't
writhe and scream in agony and gush copious amounts of blood
for a really long time like they do in real life?
Sometimes they do, if the technician is hung over and puts the
bullet pack in backwards, but as a rule, the good stuff stays on the
cutting room floor due to time constraints. However, if you really
want to see it, there is a blooper video of the last 12 years of such
footage from 20th-Century Fox called "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THAT HURTS
OOOOWWWW YOU BASTARDS!!!!!"
>>>>Are people becoming less civil and more pugnacious and hostile
due to the frayed nerves that result from the increased and
accelerated information flow from all our amazing new Jim Dandy
electronic, digital, technological novelties which mean nothing
and which actually often degrade the quality of human life?
No, they're just inherently bastards as a biological thing because
God likes to see us squirm and the ever-increasing population keeps
triggering the fight-or-flight response, which partially explains the
content of your songs, your puzzlement over how plumbing works, your
obsession with candy and your sick yet oddly NON-homosexual belief
that Snoop Dogg wants to french kiss you.
Anythin' else ah can hep yo' wif, bwana?
--
HellPope Huey
That's what you get when
your mama smokes during gestation
and then weans you on limes.
I loathe people who keep dogs.
They are cowards who haven't got the guts
to bite people themselves.
- August Strindberg
"And God said:
You are not serving me, you're serving something else
Cause I don't need to be pleased, just get over yourself
You can't suck up to me, I know you all too well
But I don't dwell upon you, so get over yourself
Cause you're not praying to me, you're praying to yourself
And you're not worshipping me you're worshipping yourself
And you will kill in my name and heaven knows what else
When you can't prove I exist so get over yourself."
- Todd Rundgren, "God Said"
Correspondent:: asscoassc@aol.com (AssCo Assc)
Date: 07 Oct 2004 18:28:20 GMT
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<< On those 'Girls Go Wild' videos, do you think if I wrote to the producers
they'd give me the phone numbers of those women? Just curious. >>
Only one difference, HPH,
He should CALL THEM UP and ASK THEM.
Considering the exploitive and mercenary
qualities to those fucks IT IS possible.
I hear TROUT'S DAUGHTER is working for
them now.
Of course, RECORD THOSE PHONECALLS
and send them to me.