Doctor! Doctor!

Correspondent:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Sun, 03 Oct 2004 20:03:51 -0700

--------
(For historical purposes only)

Doctor! Doctor!...

It hurts when I do this!
Then don't do that!

It's curtains! Curtains!
Pull yourself together!

I swallowed a goose!
Feeling down in the mouth?

I've got manic depression!
Calm down! No, cheer up! No, calm down!

I'm feeling chalky all over!
Wait at the end of the queue!

My leg hurts! What should I do?
Limp!

My hair is falling out! What can I use to
keep it in?
A plastic bag?

What's good for too much wind?
A kite!

People tell me I'm a wheelbarrow!
Don't let them push you around!

I'm shrinking!
Be a little patient!

I'm a kleptomaniac!
If these pills don't work, I'd like a new TV!

I'm a kleptomaniac!
Have you taken anything for it?

I'm invisible!
I can see you right now!

I'm seeing spots!
Have you seen an eye doctor?
No, just spots!

I can't stop masturbating!
Get a hold of yourself!

I swallowed a cumquat!
Are you choking?
No, really! I swallowed a cumquat!

I need new glasses!
Would you like fries with that?

I'm turning gold!
Feeling gilty?

There are monsters under my bed!
Saw the legs off the bed!

No matter where I touch myself it hurts!
Your hand is broken!

I'm sleepwalking!
Here is a box of thumbtacks!

I have an Oedipus Complex!
Oedipus, Schmoedipus! As long as you
love your mother!

My children don't look like me!
Your wife thinks you're cheating on her?

I can't breath!
Let's see if we can stop that!

I've got brainworms!
How boring!



--
Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you
by the short rabbits and can now deliver you
violently to your gynecologist for a thorough
extermination.
-- Hong Kong movie subtitle


Correspondent:: Zapanaz
Date: Sun, 03 Oct 2004 22:29:32 -0700

--------
On Sun, 03 Oct 2004 20:03:51 -0700, "nu-monet v7.0"
wrote:

>(For historical purposes only)
>
>Doctor! Doctor!...
>
>It hurts when I do this!
>Then don't do that!
>
>It's curtains! Curtains!
>Pull yourself together!
>
>I swallowed a goose!
>Feeling down in the mouth?
>
>I've got manic depression!
>Calm down! No, cheer up! No, calm down!
>
>I'm feeling chalky all over!
>Wait at the end of the queue!
>
>My leg hurts! What should I do?
>Limp!
>
>My hair is falling out! What can I use to
> keep it in?
>A plastic bag?
>
>What's good for too much wind?
>A kite!
>
>People tell me I'm a wheelbarrow!
>Don't let them push you around!
>
>I'm shrinking!
>Be a little patient!
>
>I'm a kleptomaniac!
>If these pills don't work, I'd like a new TV!
>
>I'm a kleptomaniac!
>Have you taken anything for it?
>
>I'm invisible!
>I can see you right now!
>
>I'm seeing spots!
>Have you seen an eye doctor?
>No, just spots!
>
>I can't stop masturbating!
>Get a hold of yourself!
>
>I swallowed a cumquat!
>Are you choking?
>No, really! I swallowed a cumquat!
>
>I need new glasses!
>Would you like fries with that?
>
>I'm turning gold!
>Feeling gilty?
>
>There are monsters under my bed!
>Saw the legs off the bed!
>
>No matter where I touch myself it hurts!
>Your hand is broken!
>
>I'm sleepwalking!
>Here is a box of thumbtacks!
>
>I have an Oedipus Complex!
>Oedipus, Schmoedipus! As long as you
> love your mother!
>
>My children don't look like me!
>Your wife thinks you're cheating on her?
>
>I can't breath!
>Let's see if we can stop that!
>
>I've got brainworms!
>How boring!

(Usually ...)

Doctor, I have this lump under my arm, is it cancer!
Yes, you're going to die, but all your troubles will be over!


--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
mona lisa must have had the highway blues, you can tell by the way she smiles

- bob dylan



Correspondent:: asscoassc@aol.com (AssCo Assc)
Date: 05 Oct 2004 17:36:06 GMT

--------
When I worked at the psych hospital
there was a patient who cured himself
by cutting off his own testicles.

He didn't feel nuts anymore.