WORST MOVIE POSTERS OF ALL TIME: A Treasury Of Trash
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey Date: Sat, 20 Nov 2004 03:44:44 GMT
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WORST MOVIE POSTERS OF ALL TIME: A Treasury Of Trash
by Gregory J. Edwards and Robin Cross
published 1984 by Sphere Books, Ltd.; London & Sydney
64 pgs.
Sure, WORST MOVIE POSTERS is organized in a manner of clever
categorization, with such chapter titles as "Where Ghouls Rush In",
"Naughty
Naughty", "The Great Outdoors" and "Alien Bosoms And Blobs". But the
visual material (particularly the decent depiction on the back cover of
the
younger curve-laden Zsa Zsa Gabor from "Queen Of Outer Space") renders
the chapter titles and all other copy almost moot. Such bait entices
immediate random page flips, as one careens through the lurid
promotional material.
For sheer spectacle, standout examples would include the
two-page reproduction of a poster from "Godzilla: King Of The Monsters",
which unwisely depicts the bosomy blonde caucasian refugees of Tokyo
with faces suggesting nausea or incontinence rather than fright. There's
the expressionistic bombast of the poster from 1955's "Timberjack"
(which the copy notes was directed by the same Joe Kane who'd just
previously directed 42 Roy Rogers films in a row). This one stresses the
loudly plaid presence of leading man Sterling Hayden. In spite of Hayden
being depicted while applying a rapist's grab to Vera Ralston (for some
reason dressed like Carmen Miranda fresh from Rio while the view behind
them incongruously displays middle-of-nowhere Pacific northwest
vistas), Hayden's expression is that of a confused man who wonders why
he
agreed to do this turkey of a project.
And then one beholds the artistic
snafus of the poster from the Jack Palance sword-and-sandal epic (yes,
that's what I said!) "Sword Of The Conqueror". The cartoonish rendition
of Palance in a Flintstones costume suffers from the scale of the
sword-bearing right arm, which appears to be a leg growing out of his
shoulder. Pile on top of THAT the experience of seeing the full-page
reproduction of the poster from "Girl On The Run", which features six
slightly
overweight women in black lace underwear and small black "robber" masks
that conceal mainly the eyebrows. One channels an alternate-universe
Opie as he walks in on Aunt Bea and her friends putting together
costumes for community theater; this row of women looks disturbingly
like a
bunch of your pals' moms.
WORST MOVIE POSTERS suffers a bit from organizational oversights, such
as the lack of an index. Also, chapter titling is small and crammed
into the corners of page layouts, rather than centered on a new page.
This makes it hard to distinguish where one chapter stops and another
starts.
However, these are minor issues, since the visual spectacle (the
whole point of the book) blasts from page to page unabated, in
impressive
and apparently accurate color, as best I can recall from what examples
I've seen elsewhere. But the book's copy affords value as well and
the poster reproductions in most cases allow one to read the cast lists
and other credits along the bottom edges.
All this brings out history probably unknown to the reader. Who woulda
thought that Hammer girl
Martine Beswicke had done a softcore porn epic with Phil (Sgt. Bilko)
Silvers ("Hollywood Blue")? I was surprised to have learned that
top-flight actor Joseph Cotten had slummed in such fare as "Lady
Frankenstein".
And what the hell was Robert Lansing doing in the 1959 Harold Robbins
tale "The Pusher"? (Probably paying some bills...)
Although it's a little difficult to picture this book's market (who
would buy such a thing? Oh, Stang & Nenslo, I figger...), for the
thrill-seeker with a strong stomach,
amazements abound. Remember Cloris Leachman/Nurse Diesel's bra in "High
Anxiety"? Well, there the damn thing is again on some bimbo in the
poster for Roger Corman's "Demons Of The Swamp".
Thrill to the discovery that Robert "Long John Silver" Newton headlined
in the sleazefest
"Waterfront Women"! And I've got to hand it to the whole crew that
produced
WORST MOVIE POSTERS for resurrecting the one from that cultural
cornerstone "The Groove Tube", a favorite of mine. The ineptly rendered
work
features six scenes from various skits in the movie and most female
faces look like men, while the male faces' coloration is appropriate to
someone vomiting in a steam room. The kicker is in the bottom right
corner, in the section from the skit in which Ken Shapiro and Richard
Belzer have to eat some pot to avoid getting busted for possession. A
word balloon above the two faces thoughtfully explains the situation
with
the question "Why are they eating grass?" But even the literal clue-in
can't deflect the inevitable conclusion of the viewer that something
ELSE is going on: the 'grass' in the mouths of Shapiro and Belzer is
rendered off-color and too finely, not in dark-green leafy fashion but
black and whiskery. From a visual standpoint, one is led to conclude
that
the two comedians are forcing themselves to eat handfuls of pubic hair.
Is this sort of thing up your alley? No? Then what are you doing
reading this? WORST MOVIE POSTERS OF ALL TIME delivers on its promise
of yanking the reader past scene after scene of barely-describable
bungling in the attempt to promote "films." Some mistakes are subtle,
being
single poor choices amidst many other effective aspects of a work.
Other posters feature wall-to-wall flubs: oceans of wrong perspective,
clashing color and cockeyed angles. Whatever the work included in
this book, the poster will have that "Ed Wood" feel, that esthetic
texture that radiates a fun-loving sincerity that can emerge even in the
midst
of ineptitude. Buy this one with confidence. Four stars and a quart of
Maalox.
--
HellPope Huey
I clicked my ruby slippers together,
but nothing happened
and the bikers beat the crap out of me anyway
We are here on Earth to do good to others.
What the others are here for, I don't know.
- W. H. Auden
"In the event of an emergency,
I stand in a field with a cow and wait to be airlifted."
- "The West Wing"
Correspondent:: "Paul E. Jamison" Date: Fri, 19 Nov 2004 23:35:34 -0600
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"HellPope Huey" wrote in message
news:hulkturds-CBEC7B.21445619112004@news1.west.earthlink.net...
>
> WORST MOVIE POSTERS OF ALL TIME: A Treasury Of Trash
> by Gregory J. Edwards and Robin Cross
> published 1984 by Sphere Books, Ltd.; London & Sydney
> 64 pgs.
>
Waaay ahead of ya on this one, HellPope. I picked up my copy years ago at a
local comic-book shop that I used to favor. This book is everything you say
and more. Some of those posters are hideous.
Paul
Correspondent:: drdark@37.com (DoktorDark)
Date: 20 Nov 2004 05:32:35 -0800
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HellPope Huey wrote in message news:...
> WORST MOVIE POSTERS OF ALL TIME: A Treasury Of Trash
> by Gregory J. Edwards and Robin Cross
> published 1984 by Sphere Books, Ltd.; London & Sydney
> 64 pgs.
>
>
> Although it's a little difficult to picture this book's market (who
> would buy such a thing? Oh, Stang & Nenslo, I figger...),
and me. Ebay here I come!
Correspondent:: lensman1955@hotmail.com (lensman1955)
Date: 20 Nov 2004 21:26:23 -0800
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drdark@37.com (DoktorDark) wrote in message news:<56be7db3.0411200532.160ec8ae@posting.google.com>...
> HellPope Huey wrote in message news:...
> > WORST MOVIE POSTERS OF ALL TIME: A Treasury Of Trash
> > by Gregory J. Edwards and Robin Cross
> > published 1984 by Sphere Books, Ltd.; London & Sydney
> > 64 pgs.
> >
> >
> > Although it's a little difficult to picture this book's market (who
> > would buy such a thing? Oh, Stang & Nenslo, I figger...),
>
> and me. Ebay here I come!
I remember hearing that there was a poster for "Barb Wire" at Caanes.
One of the participants looked at the picture of Pamela Anderson and
is reported to have said; "RuPaul made a movie?"
Correspondent:: nenslo Date: Sun, 21 Nov 2004 21:59:39 -0800
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HellPope Huey wrote:
>
> WORST MOVIE POSTERS OF ALL TIME: A Treasury Of Trash
> by Gregory J. Edwards and Robin Cross
> published 1984 by Sphere Books, Ltd.; London & Sydney
> 64 pgs.
There were some truly appalling 12th century movie posters they missed
entirely, and I notice there are no representatives of Sumerian or
Akkadian film.
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey Date: Mon, 22 Nov 2004 17:41:30 GMT
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In article <41A18049.D3359D7F@yahoox.com>, nenslo
wrote:
> HellPope Huey wrote:
> >
> > WORST MOVIE POSTERS OF ALL TIME: A Treasury Of Trash
> > by Gregory J. Edwards and Robin Cross
> > published 1984 by Sphere Books, Ltd.; London & Sydney
> > 64 pgs.
>
> There were some truly appalling 12th century movie posters they missed
> entirely, and I notice there are no representatives of Sumerian or
> Akkadian film.
Yeah, I used torn-off strips of a lobby card from "Cheese It! The
Copts!" as toilet paper for 4 months.
--
HellPope Huey
In real life, I am a warm and playful companion
hampered only by being a telekinetic alcoholic.
I never have to pay for a drop.
"You haven't hit rock bottom
until you've fought off three other drunks
to suck on a Hungarian booby-pickle."
- "The Drew Carey Show"
"They'll let anyone foster a kid.
They'd let me and I'm 100 years old and a Communist to boot."
- Don Rickles, "The Wool Cap"