Random Cinematic Question

Correspondent:: Rabbi Jacklyn Hyde
Date: Tue, 09 Nov 2004 22:36:30 GMT

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How did Flash Gordon turn out to be such an awful, cheesy movie despite
all the classically trained actors (including one Oscar winner) in the
cast? The blame can't solely land on the Queen soundtrack, can it?

--With love, the Rabbs

Correspondent:: nikolai kingsley
Date: Wed, 10 Nov 2004 11:44:19 +1100

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> How did Flash Gordon turn out to be such an awful, cheesy movie despite
> all the classically trained actors (including one Oscar winner) in the
> cast? The blame can't solely land on the Queen soundtrack, can it?

it was made by the same asshole who turned out the campy 60's "Batman",
that's how. it didn't look like much effort was made to capture the
original feel of the series; they went for the kind of waxy polish you
see on apples in the fruit department at safeway's.

Correspondent:: Zapanaz
Date: Tue, 09 Nov 2004 20:02:26 -0800

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On Wed, 10 Nov 2004 11:44:19 +1100, nikolai kingsley
wrote:

>
>> How did Flash Gordon turn out to be such an awful, cheesy movie despite
>> all the classically trained actors (including one Oscar winner) in the
>> cast? The blame can't solely land on the Queen soundtrack, can it?
>
>
>
>it was made by the same asshole who turned out the campy 60's "Batman",
>that's how. it didn't look like much effort was made to capture the
>original feel of the series; they went for the kind of waxy polish you
>see on apples in the fruit department at safeway's.

It always makes me laugh a little when they do that.

They do some remake/"cover" movie like that. Why? Because the
original book/serial/TV show or whatever had something which people
liked so they remember it. REMEMBER THAT.

Then it enters the Hollywood committee process, or whatever the fuck
those people do out there. And WELL, we've gotta change THIS, this
just isn't MOVIE-WORTHY. And they talk about how they SO MUCH wanted
to respect the SPIRIT of the original. And OF COURSE the female lead
has to be rewritten to fit Cameron Diaz or whoever the fuck. And well
we can't use THAT music, I mean it's GREAT, we love it, but we CAN'T
use THAT music.

And so on and so on and so on they pick away at it. To FIX it. To
FIX this thing which, if there wasn't something about it that people
liked, they wouldn't be MAKING the thing. (remember?)

And they ALWAYS end up with another generic Hollywood photocopy.
Bearing little or no resemblence to the original.

The problem with people in movies is they believe TOO MUCH. People
think they are so cynical that they will rape a good idea for the sake
of making a few bucks (which, probably they are). But the crap movies
they make which completely fuck up the original idea like that always
lose big money anyway. The problem is they believe EVERY LITTLE
THING. They believe they can get a PERFECT version of the source, AND
throw in every little "modernization" they can think of, and it will
all work together.

Even when it's all put together, and the whole PIECE OF CRAP is there,
they still believe that it works. They see what they were trying to
do, not what they did.

Not until it gets released to the general public and bombs do they
show any form of awareness that something has gone wrong.

And then they blink.

And they simultaneously believe that they did a PERFECT job, and know
that they FUCKED IT UP COMPLETELY.

Double-think. They don't bat an eye at it.

Then they go do another.

--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
HONK IF YOU LOVE CHEESES

Correspondent:: nikolai kingsley
Date: Wed, 10 Nov 2004 16:45:24 +1100

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> And they ALWAYS end up with another generic Hollywood photocopy.
> Bearing little or no resemblence to the original.

if Lucas was serious about nostalgia, Star Wars would have been shot in
black and white, and all the sets would have been made of cardboard.

Correspondent:: HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer
Date: Tue, 09 Nov 2004 18:48:58 -0600

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On Tue, 09 Nov 2004 22:36:30 GMT, Rabbi Jacklyn Hyde
wrote:

>How did Flash Gordon turn out to be such an awful, cheesy movie despite
>all the classically trained actors (including one Oscar winner) in the
>cast? The blame can't solely land on the Queen soundtrack, can it?
>
>--With love, the Rabbs

Same with Clash of the Titans. GREAT crappy movie.
Fighting skeletons, laurence Olivier, Stop motion monsters, Maggie
Smith. Fun fun fun.

Correspondent:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Tue, 09 Nov 2004 18:28:43 -0700

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Rabbi Jacklyn Hyde wrote:
>
> How did Flash Gordon turn out to be such an awful,
> cheesy movie despite all the classically trained
> actors (including one Oscar winner) in the cast?
> The blame can't solely land on the Queen soundtrack,
> can it?
>

You can actually identify exactly where in the movie
it went sour. Big chunks of the movie were fine, but
little "cringers" sucked much of the lifeforce out of
it.

1) The football scene in Ming's court. Arggh.
2) Dr Zarkov's "Jewishness". Again and again, movies
will splice in some crapola about one of the characters
Jewish background which may or may not include scenes
of Adolf Hitler. DO NOT PUT HITLER IN A NON-WORLD WAR
II MOVIE! Be it "Wizards", "The Fifth Element", etc.,
even the slightest snippet of Hitler fucks up a movie.
This one is fatal. Dr Zarkov's BRISS, fer fucks' sake!
3) The same applies to gratuitous references to Albert
Einstein.
4) Prince Vultan went "Haaaawwwwkkk" about a half a
dozen times too many.
5) When the villain Klytus dies, his eyes bug out.
That fucked up a perfectly good villain. Properly, he
and Kala (villainess) should have had a LOT more screen
time being bad.
6) Max Von Sydow also was underused as Ming. He was
really going places with character development, but they
kept cutting him short.
7) The Prince Barin scenes were almost really good,
except Flash mucked them up by being a poor cast choice.
8) Dale Arden is eye candy. Having her do a "half-
liberated" schtick was annoying.
9) Princess Aura seriously rocked, but the scene was
mucked up by using the telepathy machine while she was
trying to seduce Flash.
10) The dialogue team should have been made to fight
it out on the Hawkman's wheel of death. Damn poor
writing.
11) Superb sets and costumes for the most part. But if
you spend a gazillion dollars on a breathtaking scene,
revel in it a bit. It was also haphazard, for example,
Princess Aura's costume should befit a Princess. Even
if she has to do twenty costume changes, she can afford
it--she's a Princess.

--
"Money can't buy you happiness,
but when you're poor, you can't
buy shit, and nobody will loan
you happiness."
--nu-monet

Correspondent:: Don Radford
Date: Wed, 10 Nov 2004 02:24:09 GMT

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Rabbi Jacklyn Hyde wrote:
> How did Flash Gordon turn out to be such an awful, cheesy movie despite
> all the classically trained actors (including one Oscar winner) in the
> cast? The blame can't solely land on the Queen soundtrack, can it?

What I'd like to know is: When will we see a remake of Flesh Gordon?

--
Art and Fashion for the New Conspiracy

http://www.cafepress.com/luciddragon

the Mystical RevvedErrand Rockin' Don Radford
Certified God by the holy authority of
the White Lotus Fortune Cookie Company
June 23, 2004

Correspondent:: "rev_cletus"
Date: Wed, 10 Nov 2004 03:23:33 GMT

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"Rabbi Jacklyn Hyde" wrote in message
news:ODbkd.4428$Pd2.1860282@monger.newsread.com...

> How did Flash Gordon turn out to be such an awful, cheesy movie despite
> all the classically trained actors (including one Oscar winner) in the
> cast? The blame can't solely land on the Queen soundtrack, can it?

Nope; they knew they'd NEVER be able to compete with the film's vastly
superior alter-ego, FLESH Gordon.

I mean, dayum; Power-Pasties.

Duh.

--
rev_c
.sig *rilly* itchin' fer some Heavy Metal, Heavy Traffic, Eraserhead, and a
bucket o' frappy to waller in...

Correspondent:: chaos_israel@antisocial.com (The Rev. Dr. Lt. Chaos Israel)
Date: 9 Nov 2004 19:45:43 -0800

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Rabbi Jacklyn Hyde wrote in message news:...
> How did Flash Gordon turn out to be such an awful, cheesy movie despite
> all the classically trained actors (including one Oscar winner) in the
> cast? The blame can't solely land on the Queen soundtrack, can it?
>

uh....

I give Queen 50/50 blame with the Flash Gordon meme itself.

They almost samk "Highlander" after all.

--
C.

Correspondent:: "ouroboros rex"
Date: Wed, 10 Nov 2004 12:20:59 -0600

Correspondent:: mshotz@aol.commonkeypo (Rev. Richard Skull)
Date: 10 Nov 2004 23:10:41 GMT

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>How did Flash Gordon turn out to be such an awful, cheesy movie despite
>all the classically trained actors (including one Oscar winner) in the
>cast? The blame can't solely land on the Queen soundtrack, can it?
>
>--With love, the Rabbs
>
>

Helps to watch it stoned
MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man

"War hath no Fury like a non-combatants"

Charles E. Montague

Correspondent:: nenslo
Date: Wed, 10 Nov 2004 19:17:41 -0800

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"Rev. Richard Skull" wrote:
>
> >How did Flash Gordon turn out to be such an awful, cheesy movie despite
> >all the classically trained actors (including one Oscar winner) in the
> >cast? The blame can't solely land on the Queen soundtrack, can it?
> >
> >--With love, the Rabbs
> >
> >
>
> Helps to watch it stoned

There's no drug on earth can get you that stoned. What helps is just
renting Flesh Gordon instead.

Correspondent:: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)
Date: 11 Nov 2004 09:31:43 -0800

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nenslo wrote in message news:<4192D9D4.1ECD7E6B@yahoox.com>...
> "Rev. Richard Skull" wrote:
> >
> > >How did Flash Gordon turn out to be such an awful, cheesy movie despite
> > >all the classically trained actors (including one Oscar winner) in the
> > >cast? The blame can't solely land on the Queen soundtrack, can it?
> > >> > >--With love, the Rabbs
> > >> >
> > Helps to watch it stoned
>
> There's no drug on earth can get you that stoned. What helps is just
> renting Flesh Gordon instead.

Yeah, this crowd is entirely sympathetic with Screwbots.

--

HellPope Huey
Narcoleptic ninja weasels: Nature's lithe failures

I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor
and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it.
- Jimmy Stewart, in "Harvey"

"Do you know how hard it is
to get a nicotine patch
to stick to a monkey?"
- "Dharma & Greg"