Church Newsletter 11-08-04

Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Tue, 09 Nov 2004 15:51:34 -0500

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(All of this is old news to alt.slackers, but posting it is a quick way
for me to reformat the text for some other mailing lists I'm using for
mailing it to less less familiar Members at large out there. (I need
line-breaks in the text and don't want to do them manually!))

SubGenius Church Newsletter
11-09-04

Hello and PRAISE ³BOB² from your old prayer partner, Rev. Ivan Stang.

None of us likes spam, except possibly for the kind that comes in cans,
so I¹ll try to keep this short. Some of this IS of a spamlike nature,
but it¹s the kind that you theoretically requested.

1. WE HAVE MOVED.

The Church Headquarters is now in Cleveland, Ohio. The Austin and
Dallas offices are completely closed. Hopefully, mail will be forwarded
but don¹t count on it!

To make a long story short, my biz partners, Jesus and Magdalen, had to
leave Austin, and they couldn¹t bring the Church Mail order office with
them to their new home in Columbus, Georgia. It has become simpler for
me to run the operation from our roomy Slackermansion in Cleveland,
where I have lived with princess Wei ³R.² Doe for the past 5 years. I
have been very busy doing some much-needed Churchly re-organizing and
updating.

So, delete all your Texas addresses for the Church! Everything is
happening from the new SubGenius Foundation HQ at PO Box 181417,
Cleveland Hts, OH 44118. Our toll-free phone line, 888-669-2323, now
goes to my answering machine, and my office is the main one responsible
for Memberships, videos, CDs, and all other business.

2. There¹s a HUGE brand new Stark Fist of Removal magazine, with
hundreds of pages of articles, rants, and reviews, and probably over a
thousand new color illustrations, charts, etc. a lot of great
SubGenius art and writing has built up over the last year! This can all
be seen at
http://subgenius.com/bigfist/FIST2004-1/FIST2004-1.html
and the special art and video stash is at
http://subgenius.com/bigfist/eyes/gallery20.html

Comics! Rare old historical SubGenius art and sexy photos! Intense
political rants and fights! Hilarious reviews of everything from movies
to wars. Dozens of new SubG contacts and projects. ALL the artwork from
the geniuses at alt.binaries.slack!

3. CHRISTMAS SALE!

We don¹t care about Xmas or even Xistlessnessmas all that much, but our
partner in sales, CAFEPRESS.COM, sure does.

We have two catalogs my Bulldada Time Control Labs catalog, with our
most important materials such as Memberships, Book of the SubGenius,
ARISE and other DVDs, Hour of Slack radio show CDs, etc. etc. That
stuff is NOT on sale because it¹s already as cheap as it can be.

But the SubGenius Store at CafePress.com, where our ACCESSORIES are
sold, including literally hundreds of designs in shirts, toys, posters,
bumper stickers and so on they are having a HUGE SALE for the month
of November, and it includes many of the cool SubGenius products like
the 2005 calendar, greeting cards, tile stash boxes, hooded
sweatshirts, Jr. Raglan shirts, baseball jerseys, and large drink mugs.

We have added a zillion new button and bumper sticker designs! There
are new stickers, and now some of the posters are also available as
fancy framed prints. The INWO SubGenius role-playing game is in stock;
there are nutty Teddy Bears and Frisbees, clocks and aprons, lunchboxes
and mouse pads. For a limited time only (just November) there are the
rare ORNAMENT DISKS, which we use as jewelry (Pinks use them as Xmas
ornaments). Each product is now available in dozens of beloved SubG
graphic designs and in various colors.
http://www.cafepress.com/subgen
is the address.

4. NEW VIDEOS and CD-Rs!

These are available only through Bulldada Time Control Laboratories:
http://subgenius.com/scatalog/mediashack.html
(or, if you¹re a poverty-stricken SubGenius with computer skills,
they¹re FREE on alt.binaries.slack and alt.binaries.monter-movies, on
Usenet!)

³DOBBSEDELIASTESES² is our grandest new release, with TWO FULL HOURS of
extremely intense music videos and computer animation basically the
new Bobsongs 6 album brought to visual life. Also recommended is the
new ³6 X-Day² DVD, which has been carefully edited and re-edited until
it is very much like an Hour of Slack that you can SEE as well as hear.

We also offer new compilations of HOUR OF SLACK syndicated radio shows
from the past year -- dozens of shows in MP3, or individually as normal
audio CDs by subscription. There are new stickers, BLACK Dobbshead
T-shirts, and, of course, the old stand-bys like Pamphlets, Memberships
and The Book of the SubGenius.

5. DEVIVALS ALL OVER EUROPE!

From Nov. 13 through 26, we will be throwing big devivals in the
following cities in England, Germany and Holland: London, Hamburg,
Amsterdam, and then Brighton and London again. Princess Wei and I will
be joining Pope Black, Pope Phil Monty, Rev. Espira, IMBJR, Rev. ERRor
and other SubGenius preachers and bands for what will no doubt be some
of the more exotic devivals ever. We will also be showing the new
Dobbsedeliasteses video (and one finished JUST TODAY,
³Dobbsaanisqatsi²), and there¹s a SubGenius art show in Hamburg as
well.

Info is at http://www.eurosubs.subnet.dk/
And http://subgenius.com/newdevivals.html

Remember, XMAS IS COMING! You can get Slack TWO ways by doing your
shopping at subgenius.com during November. ACT SOON! (I leave the
office this Friday for Europe and I¹d like to get as much swag sold and
shipped before then as possible, because from then until November 29
there will only be Zombies and Bombies in the Church office and I
want to oversee filling those precious Xmas orders PERSONALLY.

See you online, in the SubGenius chat room, on SubGenius.com, at the
devivals, on alt.slack, or alt.binaries.slack, or maybe on the various
Yahoo SubGenius e-lists. However it happens, GET and KEEP SLACK!
Praise ³Bob,² and let there be plenty of it.

Your Prayer Partner, Sacred Scribe Rev. Ivan Stang
stang@subgenius.com

P.S. My apologies if you get this same letter through two or three of
our various mailing lists I¹m using ALL of them for this one!

--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB

Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Tue, 09 Nov 2004 16:09:44 -0500

--------
In article <091120041551341370%stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>, Rev. Ivan
Stang wrote:

>
> SubGenius Church Newsletter
> 11-09-04
>

Thank you for your patience. I'm sure I could have found an easier way
to generate the line breaks, but maybe not even trying to find one was
even easier.

--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB

Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Wed, 10 Nov 2004 16:59:30 -0500

--------
In article <091120041609446779%stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>, Rev. Ivan
Stang wrote:

> In article <091120041551341370%stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>, Rev. Ivan
> Stang wrote:
>
>
> >
> > SubGenius Church Newsletter
> > 11-09-04
> >
>
> Thank you for your patience. I'm sure I could have found an easier way
> to generate the line breaks, but maybe not even trying to find one was
> even easier.

The funny thing is, IT BACKFIRED! When the actual form letter went out
-- luckily to the SMALLEST list, generated from the OLDEST sign-up --
all the apostrophes and quote marks became different characters. That
was exactly what I was trying to AVOID. Oh these mortal follies.

I used a slick pay bulk mail list service for the main mailing, though,
and that one looked all fancy-schmancy. Tracking the responses is
interesting. You can see who followed which links, who has looked at
the mail and who hasn't, and what link they clicked on.

Kinda KINKY! Feels... SEXY to TRACK people.

Everybody clicks on the first link they come to (Stark Fist Online) but
not everybody clicks on the catalog links... nosiree... scared... I
don't blame 'em. Or maybe the Fist just GRIPS them and jacks them.

I combined some very old lists into the bulk emailing, and during the
course of the day heard from many old pals and oddball mail
correspondencees from the 80s, acquaintances mutually near-forgotten.

Of course, I would pick JUST BEFORE GOING TO EUROPE to do this...
proving my TRUE Emergentilism. But, Xistlessnessmas approacheth. People
need to be able to shower their nephews and nieces with SubGenius toys
and baseball jackets.

I had to make sure the stations have shows while I'm gone. That means,
make and send shows for THREE WEEKS IN ADVANCE. And by the grace of
G'broagfran, today I hewed from raw a.b.s. posts and old cassettes TWO
SHOWS, in 7 HOURS!! 3.5 hours per one-hour show! Now that is QUALITY!
Or quantity. One of the two. Gotta mail those AND the swag AND the
other swag AND update the website AND sleep before we get on the plane!
Oh yeah and PACK! That too.

Oh my god it is going to be SO GOOD to be TORN AWAY from this FUCKING
KEYBOARD!! Just in the NICK OF TIME no doubt... everything's STIFFENING
UP. Like my BRANE!! MY POOR BRANE!!

I hope no one has cars, and we have to WALK averywhere.

We will do our best to save souls in England, Germany and Holland, BY
EXAMPLE. We want them to look at us and think, "God damn, I'd give
anything to have as much Slack as those motherfuckers obviously have."
As opposed to looking at us and thinking, "Gee, poor old homeless
folks, I hope they don't start pestering me and begging." I'll live
with merely not being arrested.

I got almost all of the nineteen HoSlack #969 copies dubbed just while
writing this! Next, 970! And a few copies for the subscribers, of the
live pledge drive show we did Sunday night. That one's called either
968.5 or 969-B depending on which of my labels is on it.

Haven't slept much.

That long plane ride is looking GOOOOOD.

--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB