The OTHER OTHER SubGenius Survey
Posted by:: "iDRMRSR"
Date: Fri, 25 Mar 2005 18:56:38 -0500
--------
The Church of the SubGenius takes pride in caring for its followers. We ask
at this time that you share a little of your Church Experience with us in an
effort to improve our offering:
1. How would you rate the quality of our Swag?
2. Do you find our online Newsgroups helpful to your spiritual experience?
3. How would you say the Church has changed the frequency or intensity of:
A. Orgasms
B. Bowel Movements
C. Periods of Altered Consciousness
4. Would you say that our membership fee of $30 (backed by our famous
triple-your-money back guarantee) is:
A. Expensive
B. Reasonable
C. About right
D. Dirt cheap
E. A fucking STEAL!
[*]
-----
Posted by:: "Rev Chain Smerker"
Date: Sat, 26 Mar 2005 00:11:20 GMT
--------
FINALLY THE FINALS!
1. How would you rate the quality of our Swag?
7.4/10
2. Do you find our online Newsgroups helpful to your spiritual experience?
Oh yes, you know in the real world im quite a polite, nice and pleasant
person, but here thanks to "Bob" I can realease my inner fuckwit
3. How would you say the Church has changed the frequency or intensity of:
A. Orgasms
Still about the same but more intense, im not afraid to say that "Bob"
helps in the youknowwhat department
B. Bowel Movements
MUCH BETTER!, Pamphet 2 is supurb, its so good I havent ever read the
whole thing!
C. Periods of Altered Consciousness
Altered? Consciousness?
4. Would you say that our membership fee of $30 (backed by our famous
triple-your-money back guarantee) is:
B. Reasonable
I was only expecting a letter with a cheap membership card when I sent
in $30, gosh was I shocked, Ive been meditating for years, yes years, I even
considered joining a Buddhist sect and becoming a lay Buddhist monk, ive
read my Watts and Suzuki, and many more, and I thought I was close enough to
complete enlightenment.
Then that great day arrived when a large yellow bubble wrap envelope from
the gods arrived, well what can I say, I now know everything I ever need to,
and its all thanks to that $30, a small act of faith.
Posted by:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Fri, 25 Mar 2005 17:50:58 -0700
--------
iDRMRSR wrote:
>
> The Church of the SubGenius takes pride in caring
> for its followers. We ask at this time that you
> share a little of your Church Experience with us
> in an effort to improve our offering:
>
> 1. How would you rate the quality of our Swag?
Church swag is, dare I say it?, too dang normal.
For example, I knew a guy who made a hemp fiber
cat-o-nine-tails, mostly to show how he could weave
hemp fiber. He advertised it on an adult web page,
and they got so many inquiries that they had to
pull the ad. People were bidding up to $500 for
the prototype, on a non-auction site.
The important thing is to sell cheap stuff that
is value added in some way. That's why a 20 cent
quartz crystal sells for $20 after someone says
it has New Age powers.
The trouble is that the Hierarchs find it really
hard to ripoff the rubes and still look themselves
in the face in a mirror.
Could they sell a cheap stainless steel spoon as
a "psychic bending spoon"? What about a book of
incantations to summon forth Cthulu? "How to use
the power of masturbation to make yourself smart,
attractive, wealthy and popular"?
--
Be Sure To Visit the 'SubGenius Reverend' Blog:
http://slackoff.blogspot.com/
***********
Come to think of it, I would really feel no guilt
whatsoever in killing brain-eating zombies before
they could eat my brain. In fact, why wait until
they're zombies? It's pretty easy to tell just by
looking who's going to turn into a zombie. If
they're all curled up on the floor yelling "Don't
shoot me! Don't shoot me!", they're a lot easier
to kill then when they're trying to eat your brain
and you have to shoot them a bunch of times before
they stop trying to eat your brain.
--nu-monet
Posted by:: "Rev. Richard Skull"
Date: 25 Mar 2005 17:10:48 -0800
--------
1. How would you rate the quality of our Swag?
I thought Swag was supposed to be FREE! If so why to we have to pay
for it?
2. Do you find our online Newsgroups helpful to your spiritual
experience? Why yes! Everyday I thank "Bob" that I don't have Stang or
Nenslo as my neighbors.
3. How would you say the Church has changed the frequency or intensity
of:
A. Orgasms : "Are you through yet? "
B. Bowel Movements : Firmer, plunger use up 45%.
C. Periods of Altered Consciousness : At this point I cannot tell
the differance between any level of concciousness.
4. Would you say that our membership fee of $30 (backed by our famous
triple-your-money back guarantee) is:
D. Dirt cheap
Posted by:: Zapanaz
Date: Fri, 25 Mar 2005 18:18:25 -0800
--------
On Fri, 25 Mar 2005 18:56:38 -0500, "iDRMRSR"
wrote:
>3. How would you say the Church has changed the frequency or intensity of:
>
> A. Orgasms
> B. Bowel Movements
> C. Periods of Altered Consciousness
those are different things?
GREAT, tell me NOW
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
The time flies faster backwards
- Three times
Posted by:: "Paul Casino"
Date: 26 Mar 2005 01:04:40 -0800
--------
>The Church of the SubGenius takes pride in >caring for its followers.
*cough,cough,cough*BULLSHIT!*cough, cough, cough*
>We ask at this time that you share a little of >your Church Experience
with us in an
>effort to improve our offering:
...fucking insomnia. Yeah, why not?
>1. How would you rate the quality of our Swag?
So long as everything keeps going the way it has been, our Swag will
continue it's long tradition of being FUCKING BULLSHIT. Like it's
SUPPOSED to be. That's the point! Next question.
>2. Do you find our online Newsgroups helpful to >your spiritual
experience?
Yeah, but I also find taking advantage of some drunked slut at a party
to be helpful to my spiritual experience, so what the fuck do I know?
>3. How would you say the Church has changed >the frequency or
intensity of:
I'm listening.
A. Orgasms
I've noticed no difference. They're still generally solo performances.
B. Bowel Movements
Ditto.
C. Periods of Altered Consciousness
A weekly ritual of mine is a 'frop stick as big as my finger, a big ham
sandwich, a set of headphones and the new Hour of Slack. It's helped
TERMENDOSLY.
4. Would you say that our membership fee of $30 (backed by our famous
triple-your-money back guarantee) is:
A. Expensive
B. Reasonable
C. About right
D. Dirt cheap
E. A fucking STEAL!
The only thing missing is "Our Prices Are...IN-SANE!"
Posted by:: Rich Clark aka Left Rev Egg Plant
Date: Sat, 26 Mar 2005 11:14:10 -0500
--------
iDRMRSR wrote:
> The Church of the SubGenius takes pride in caring for its followers. We ask
> at this time that you share a little of your Church Experience with us in an
> effort to improve our offering:
>
> 1. How would you rate the quality of our Swag?
It's not cheap enough. It should be flimsier than it really is.
> 2. Do you find our online Newsgroups helpful to your spiritual experience?
They're much more helpful than a kick to the nads.
> 3. How would you say the Church has changed the frequency or intensity of:
>
> A. Orgasms
Yes, both counts, whether I do the load by hand or have the wife do it.
> B. Bowel Movements
My bowel movements are more random in quality and more copious in
quantity. I attribute this to extra time spent reading BOTSG while
excremeditating.
> C. Periods of Altered Consciousness
Best time of the day to get fropped is while reading alt.slack.
> 4. Would you say that our membership fee of $30 (backed by our famous
> triple-your-money back guarantee) is:
A fucking STEAL!