SlackMaster Sam
Posted by:: "frater S.O.D.D.I."
Date: 5 Mar 2005 10:33:05 -0800
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The person I know who has the most Slack is not a Sub-Genius. I may
have mentioned The Church to him at one time or another, but I'm pretty
sure it didn't even register. He is as different from me and all of you
as day is to night.
He is Sam.
Sam is from East Texas, but has lived in NYC for decades.
On the scale of most stressful jobs, with prison guards and air traffic
controllers ranking highest at 100, Sam's job ranks at a 2. Sam is
North America's premier harp repairman.
Sam is still working well into his late 70s. Sam takes his time on his
jobs. If a client needs a harp tuned "before tonight", Sam tells them
that they should have called him weeks earlier.
Once a year, Canadian cultural foundations pay him to visit symphony
orchestras all over the country and tune and maintain their harps. This
takes a month.
Sam has a big sign that says "In THIS shop, A over middle C is 440!" He
trains a new apprentice every year.
Sam's hobby is restoring and rebuilding antique keyed metallaphones
(celestes and instruments like that). He has an extremely rare Scottish
keyed instrument called the Dulcitone that uses hammers to strike bent
metal bars like tuning forks. It sounds amazing.
He makes his own tuning forks and tuned metal bars (for the celestes).
I've gone shopping for steel and brass with Sam. He cannibalizes
xylophones for parts.
A big musical instrument rental house offered Sam a Hammond B-3 in lieu
of payment. He took it, but turned down the accompanying (free) Leslie
cabinet because he thought it made the B-3 sound phony. I told him he
should have just taken the Leslie because it was a valuable piece of
equipment. He didn't care.
Sam has a house FULL of musical instruments. No drums, though.
Sam is about as queer as anyone could get. Sam is not a screaming
show-tunes-singing queer. Sam has never fucked a woman. Sam has asked
me how I "could ever touch a thing like that" (meaning a vagina). Sams
acts (jokingly) dismayed that I'm heterosexual. But he likes women as
people... he likes them more than men sometimes.
Sam is a radical atheist. He likes to read astrophysics and Chinese
history and historical detective novels.
Sam said, "I may not know what Truth is, but I sure know what beauty
is."
He has played harp in churches all over the U.S. and Canada.
Sam is a retired alcoholic. Sam has emphysema from decades of smoking.
He dips snuff.
Sam is relaxed. He's easy to be around. He's hilarously funny.
Sam could give a fuck what YOU think. Sam could give a fuck what ANYONE
could think.
Sam has oceans of Slack.
Posted by:: "krustymadfaker"
Date: 5 Mar 2005 15:31:48 -0800
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You should do a documentary on this visionary while he is still around.
It would be a shame to see his life story go to waste.
"Why do you necessarily have to be wrong just because a few million
people
think you are?" -Frank Zappa
Posted by:: nenslo
Date: Sat, 05 Mar 2005 16:59:52 -0800
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"frater S.O.D.D.I." wrote:
>
> The person I know who has the most Slack is not a Sub-Genius.
Oh yes he is. He is the most subgeniusy SubGenius of all - the
unchurched. Praise Sam.
Posted by:: humanoid
Date: Sun, 06 Mar 2005 20:17:13 GMT
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On Sat, 05 Mar 2005 10:33:05 -0800, frater S.O.D.D.I. wrote:
>
> Sam's hobby is restoring and rebuilding antique keyed metallaphones
> (celestes and instruments like that). He has an extremely rare Scottish
> keyed instrument called the Dulcitone that uses hammers to strike bent
> metal bars like tuning forks. It sounds amazing.
>
>
> Sam has oceans of Slack.
Indeed. This post inspired me to search for the word dulcitone. I wound up
reading about vintage electronic keyboards for half an hour. That was very
slackful. Praize Sam! Praize germanium keyboard contacts!