One... more... time...
Posted by:: "Anti Pope Lupus"
Date: 2 Mar 2005 13:15:46 -0800
--------
If one more vile, disgusting, fithy coworker flings the door of the
stall next to me open and parks his red, dimpled ass on the toilet next
to where I'm taking a more reasonable dump, and begins squeezing out
turds that fill the bathroom with an odor that is so bad the air around
me takes on a greenish-hue; if I have to hurriedly wipe my ass and flee
from the bathroom breathing through whatever fresh air still remains in
my shirtsleeves, if that fucking happens, one... more... time...
I'm going to fling myself over the stall wall and start strangling the
person next to me. And then he's going to die with his pants around
his ankles, and a steamy, horrid shitpie on his ass. That's what's
going to happen. And it'll be my life's quest to seek all you fuckers
out.
For christ SAKES! I can't even take a whiz without being completely
alone in a bathroom. How can these people be so fucking nonchalant
about this?
YOUR TURDS SMELL GOOD TO NO ONE EXCEPT YOURSELVES! You know who you
are. This is a warning to all you assmasters. Your time has come.
Spare yourself an embarrassing death worthy of INXS, and REMOVE YOUR
TURDS FROM OUR VICINITY.
Thank you,
-APLY
Posted by:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Wed, 02 Mar 2005 14:35:42 -0700
--------
Anti Pope Lupus wrote:
>
> If one more vile, disgusting, fithy coworker...
It's amazing that you expect more from your cow-orkers
than you would a puppy dog.
So, like puppy dogs, you have to train your cow-orkers
in a pavlovian manner to avoid that restroom entirely.
For example, put pressure-sensitive poppers underneath
the seat, so that when they sit down, bang!
Start a rumor that some uber-boss exclusively uses that
restroom, because he has an infectious skin disease
that covers his ass, and he doesn't disinfect because
he doesn't *have* to, since he's an uber-boss.
Put loathsome and non-water-soluble sticky gunk on the
seats every day for a week, then use a different room
yourself. Then bring in a solvent to remove the gunk.
Alternatively, with a small wrench, turn off the water
to the crappers every morning, and turn it on again in
the evening. See how *they* like a really stinky
restroom.
Hide all the paper products. Simple is good.
--
"YOU BELONG TO US NOW!"
"GET DOWN WITH MY SICKNESS!!"
--Kino Beman, brand name
Posted by:: Artemia Salina
Date: Thu, 03 Mar 2005 02:47:40 -0500
--------
On Wed, 02 Mar 2005 14:35:42 -0700, nu-monet v7.0 wrote:
> Hide all the paper products. Simple is good.
My favorite:
1: Go to vending machine and buy one of those inedible brownie squares.
2: Follow offending coworker to bathroom with brownie, making sure he
doesn't see you.
3: Go into stall next to him and have a seat.
4: Form brownie into crude turd shape.
5: Make all sorts of agonized crapping noises with much shuffling
of feet and groaning. Really ham it up.
6: Roll turd-shaped brownie under stall wall in front of coworker's feet.
7: Wait for reaction, then reach under stall wall, feel around, and
snatch brownie turd back.
8: Be sure to leave bathroom BEFORE terrified coworker, leaving him to
wonder who you were in his nightmares.
--
0:-) 0:-) 0:-) 0:-) (-:0 (-:0 (-:0 (-:0
0:-) Artemia Salina (-:0
0:-) Surrounded by Angels (-:0
0:-) 0:-) 0:-) 0:-) (-:0 (-:0 (-:0 (-:0
Posted by:: HellPope Huey
Date: Thu, 03 Mar 2005 14:20:29 GMT
--------
In article ,
Artemia Salina wrote:
> My favorite:
>
> 1: Go to vending machine and buy one of those inedible brownie squares.
> 2: Follow offending coworker to bathroom with brownie, making sure he
> doesn't see you.
> 3: Go into stall next to him and have a seat.
> 4: Form brownie into crude turd shape.
> 5: Make all sorts of agonized crapping noises with much shuffling
> of feet and groaning. Really ham it up.
> 6: Roll turd-shaped brownie under stall wall in front of coworker's feet.
> 7: Wait for reaction, then reach under stall wall, feel around, and
> snatch brownie turd back.
> 8: Be sure to leave bathroom BEFORE terrified coworker, leaving him to
> wonder who you were in his nightmares.
And people wonder why there is no SubGenius TV show. Goddamn you for
making me laugh at this filthy filthy thing.
--
HellPope Huey
Chord Junkie, Popanalia, PresBobtyrian
"How could they screw up 'Riverdance'?"
"I dunno, a bag of marbles?"
- "Nikki"
Whoever is most impertinent has the best chance.
- Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Posted by:: "Oxford"
Date: 2 Mar 2005 13:49:15 -0800
--------
And your shit doesn't stink?
Why not cut some slack and light a match...
Anti Pope Lupus wrote:
> If one more vile, disgusting, fithy coworker flings the door of the
> stall next to me open and parks his red, dimpled ass on the toilet
next
> to where I'm taking a more reasonable dump, and begins squeezing out
> turds that fill the bathroom with an odor that is so bad the air
around
> me takes on a greenish-hue; if I have to hurriedly wipe my ass and
flee
> from the bathroom breathing through whatever fresh air still remains
in
> my shirtsleeves, if that fucking happens, one... more... time...
>
> I'm going to fling myself over the stall wall and start strangling
the
> person next to me. And then he's going to die with his pants around
> his ankles, and a steamy, horrid shitpie on his ass. That's what's
> going to happen. And it'll be my life's quest to seek all you
fuckers
> out.
>
> For christ SAKES! I can't even take a whiz without being completely
> alone in a bathroom. How can these people be so fucking nonchalant
> about this?
>
> YOUR TURDS SMELL GOOD TO NO ONE EXCEPT YOURSELVES! You know who you
> are. This is a warning to all you assmasters. Your time has come.
> Spare yourself an embarrassing death worthy of INXS, and REMOVE YOUR
> TURDS FROM OUR VICINITY.
>
> Thank you,
> -APLY
Posted by:: "NeuroManson"
Date: Wed, 2 Mar 2005 13:54:12 -0800
--------
My shit smells vile to me, so I can only imagine how many pinks I sent to
the "showers" with the pstench.
"Anti Pope Lupus" wrote in message
news:1109798146.881886.287780@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
> If one more vile, disgusting, fithy coworker flings the door of the
> stall next to me open and parks his red, dimpled ass on the toilet next
> to where I'm taking a more reasonable dump, and begins squeezing out
> turds that fill the bathroom with an odor that is so bad the air around
> me takes on a greenish-hue; if I have to hurriedly wipe my ass and flee
> from the bathroom breathing through whatever fresh air still remains in
> my shirtsleeves, if that fucking happens, one... more... time...
>
> I'm going to fling myself over the stall wall and start strangling the
> person next to me. And then he's going to die with his pants around
> his ankles, and a steamy, horrid shitpie on his ass. That's what's
> going to happen. And it'll be my life's quest to seek all you fuckers
> out.
>
> For christ SAKES! I can't even take a whiz without being completely
> alone in a bathroom. How can these people be so fucking nonchalant
> about this?
>
> YOUR TURDS SMELL GOOD TO NO ONE EXCEPT YOURSELVES! You know who you
> are. This is a warning to all you assmasters. Your time has come.
> Spare yourself an embarrassing death worthy of INXS, and REMOVE YOUR
> TURDS FROM OUR VICINITY.
>
> Thank you,
> -APLY
>
Posted by:: brthrn@dangermedia.org
Date: 2 Mar 2005 14:01:06 -0800
--------
Get to itch. Bitch.
Posted by:: HellPope Huey
Date: Thu, 03 Mar 2005 00:02:25 GMT
--------
In article <1109798146.881886.287780@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com>,
"Anti Pope Lupus" wrote:
> If one more vile, disgusting, fithy coworker flings the door of the
> stall next to me open and parks his red, dimpled ass on the toilet next
> to where I'm taking a more reasonable dump, and begins squeezing out
> turds that fill the bathroom with an odor that is so bad the air around
> me takes on a greenish-hue; if I have to hurriedly wipe my ass and flee
> from the bathroom breathing through whatever fresh air still remains in
> my shirtsleeves, if that fucking happens, one... more... time...
>
> I'm going to fling myself over the stall wall and start strangling the
> person next to me. And then he's going to die with his pants around
> his ankles, and a steamy, horrid shitpie on his ass. That's what's
> going to happen. And it'll be my life's quest to seek all you fuckers
> out.
>
> For christ SAKES! I can't even take a whiz without being completely
> alone in a bathroom. How can these people be so fucking nonchalant
> about this?
>
> YOUR TURDS SMELL GOOD TO NO ONE EXCEPT YOURSELVES! You know who you
> are. This is a warning to all you assmasters. Your time has come.
> Spare yourself an embarrassing death worthy of INXS, and REMOVE YOUR
> TURDS FROM OUR VICINITY.
Now you've done it. You've given IDRMRSR a woody.
--
HellPope Huey
Yeah, verily, I say unto you,
stomp ye not the flaming fudge bag,
keepeth thy shoes pure.
Humor has as big a fist as any other form
or maybe bigger.
~ James Thurber
"It looks like Bob knows something
the other team doesn't!"
- Enzyte commercial
Posted by:: "iDRMRSR"
Date: Wed, 2 Mar 2005 19:16:45 -0500
--------
>>Now you've done it. You've given IDRMRSR a woody.
Yes, I've a hard on to get the stinky shitters myself.
This will be more information about myself than you will probably need, but,
I'm one of those crazy people that won't under any circumstances drop stool
in a public restroom. Every since I was tiny, dookie freaked me out so much
that I have to plan every day around finding a private loo and living my
life so as to prevent any possibility of an unscheduled loaf pinching while
away from home. Only exception is the occasional norovirus or German meal.
I wish more people were similarly inhibited. FYI, I am not a compulsive
handwasher and I don't count all the cars on passing trains. There are just
some activities which I simply do not regard as group oriented. Hey, it's
prolly number 437 on my list of peculiarities, not a biggie, so I can handle
it.
This would be such a pleasant world if everybody else simply left their caca
at home in the morning, trotting out in the world like horses prepared for
parade.
[*]
-----
Posted by:: HellPope Huey
Date: Thu, 03 Mar 2005 01:17:13 GMT
--------
In article ,
"iDRMRSR" wrote:
> >>Now you've done it. You've given IDRMRSR a woody.
>
> Yes, I've a hard on to get the stinky shitters myself.
> > This will be more information about myself than you will probably need, but,
> I'm one of those crazy people that won't under any circumstances drop stool
> in a public restroom. Every since I was tiny, dookie freaked me out so much
> that I have to plan every day around finding a private loo and living my
> life so as to prevent any possibility of an unscheduled loaf pinching while
> away from home. Only exception is the occasional norovirus or German meal.
> > I wish more people were similarly inhibited. FYI, I am not a compulsive
> handwasher and I don't count all the cars on passing trains. There are just
> some activities which I simply do not regard as group oriented. Hey, it's
> prolly number 437 on my list of peculiarities, not a biggie, so I can handle
> it.
> > This would be such a pleasant world if everybody else simply left their caca
> at home in the morning, trotting out in the world like horses prepared for
> parade.
You really know what to say to a person who has a mouthful of spinach,
don't you?
--
HellPope Huey
Yeah, verily, I say unto you,
stomp ye not the flaming fudge bag,
keepeth thy shoes pure.
Humor has as big a fist as any other form
or maybe bigger.
~ James Thurber
"It looks like Bob knows something
the other team doesn't!"
- Enzyte commercial
Posted by:: "«BONEHEAD>>"
Date: Thu, 03 Mar 2005 07:40:40 GMT
--------
"iDRMRSR" wrote in message
news:AMSdnUMpcaLwyrvfRVn-uA@giganews.com...
>>>Now you've done it. You've given IDRMRSR a woody.
>
> Yes, I've a hard on to get the stinky shitters myself.
>
> This will be more information about myself than you will probably need,
> but, I'm one of those crazy people that won't under any circumstances drop
> stool in a public restroom. Every since I was tiny, dookie freaked me out
> so much that I have to plan every day around finding a private loo and
> living my life so as to prevent any possibility of an unscheduled loaf
> pinching while away from home. Only exception is the occasional norovirus
> or German meal.
>
> I wish more people were similarly inhibited. FYI, I am not a compulsive
> handwasher and I don't count all the cars on passing trains. There are
> just some activities which I simply do not regard as group oriented. Hey,
> it's prolly number 437 on my list of peculiarities, not a biggie, so I can
> handle it.
>
> This would be such a pleasant world if everybody else simply left their
> caca at home in the morning, trotting out in the world like horses
> prepared for parade.
But see you are trying to hinder my slack...
I for one like to take a big ole shit whilst on the time clock...
Just one way to get my moneys worth...
Now if they would just provide the sports page, and something a
little thicker than a rolling paper to wipe my ass with....
Oh and maybe a magic marker on a string.. so I can draws pictures...
--
"I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious." Albert Einstein
Posted by:: Rich Clark aka Left Rev Egg Plant
Date: Thu, 03 Mar 2005 07:28:50 -0500
--------
iDRMRSR wrote:
>>>Now you've done it. You've given IDRMRSR a woody.
>
>
> Yes, I've a hard on to get the stinky shitters myself.
>
> This will be more information about myself than you will probably need, but,
> I'm one of those crazy people that won't under any circumstances drop stool
> in a public restroom. Every since I was tiny, dookie freaked me out so much
> that I have to plan every day around finding a private loo and living my
> life so as to prevent any possibility of an unscheduled loaf pinching while
> away from home. Only exception is the occasional norovirus or German meal.
>
> I wish more people were similarly inhibited. FYI, I am not a compulsive
> handwasher and I don't count all the cars on passing trains. There are just
> some activities which I simply do not regard as group oriented. Hey, it's
> prolly number 437 on my list of peculiarities, not a biggie, so I can handle
> it.
>
> This would be such a pleasant world if everybody else simply left their caca
> at home in the morning, trotting out in the world like horses prepared for
> parade.
Y'know, I just don't get this. When I gotta shit, I *GOTTA* shit. I
don't care where, I've been known to drop trou in an alleyway behind
supermarkets in emergent situations. So, if I happen to walk into a
stall and there's some poor fucker on the toilet in the stall next to
me, I don't care. That shit is comin' down my pipe like a freight train
and it's time to clear the tracks, if'n y'know what I mean.
Oh, and if you want really vile smelling shit, try a week's treatment
with Flagyl. Turns your stool and urine all dark and smelly. If yer
into that kind of thing.
Rich
Posted by:: "Rev. Glandgland"
Date: 3 Mar 2005 04:37:19 -0800
--------
did you know that when you smell their shit, it's the same as tasting
it?
it's funny. some farts smell like bologna. i'm vexed. i need
physical help. i can't understand cheese at all.
people weren't meant to smell other people's shit at all. there used
to be wind and space. no, we have to shit in our own water, and worry
about lasana at work functions. except, i don't work, cause i'm a no
good son of a bitch.
Posted by:: HellPope Huey
Date: Thu, 03 Mar 2005 14:25:02 GMT
--------
In article <1109853439.702450.288260@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com>,
"Rev. Glandgland" wrote:
> people weren't meant to smell other people's shit at all. there used
> to be wind and space. no, we have to shit in our own water, and worry
> about lasana at work functions. except, i don't work, cause i'm a no
> good son of a bitch.
You're in good company and by God, I am proud of you. Yes, there's no
grin quite as heady as that of the Unrepentant Societal Leech. I'd love
to be a hard-working member of a good, moral society; know where I can
find one?
--
HellPope Huey
Chord Junkie, Popanalia, PresBobtyrian
"How could they screw up 'Riverdance'?"
"I dunno, a bag of marbles?"
- "Nikki"
Whoever is most impertinent has the best chance.
- Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart