Living will is the best revenge
By ROBERT FRIEDMAN, Perspective Editor, St. Petersburg Times
Published March 27, 2005
Like many of you, I have been compelled by recent events to prepare a
more detailed advance directive dealing with end-of-life issues. Here's
what mine says:
* In the event I lapse into a persistent vegetative state, I want
medical authorities to resort to extraordinary means to prolong my
hellish semiexistence. Fifteen years wouldn't be long enough for me.
* I want my wife and my parents to compound their misery by engaging in
a bitter and protracted feud that depletes their emotions and their bank
accounts.
* I want my wife to ruin the rest of her life by maintaining an
interminable vigil at my bedside. I'd be really jealous if she waited
less than a decade to start dating again or otherwise rebuilding a
semblance of a normal life.
* I want my case to be turned into a circus by losers and crackpots
from around the country who hope to bring meaning to their empty lives
by investing the same transient emotion in me that they once reserved
for Laci Peterson, Chandra Levy and that little girl who got stuck in a
well.
* I want those crackpots to spread vicious lies about my wife.
* I want to be placed in a hospice where protesters can gather to bring
further grief and disruption to the lives of dozens of dying patients
and families whose stories are sadder than my own.
* I want the people who attach themselves to my case because of their
deep devotion to the sanctity of life to make death threats against any
judges, elected officials or health care professionals who disagree with
them.
* I want the medical geniuses and philosopher kings who populate the
Florida Legislature to ignore me for more than a decade and then turn my
case into a forum for weeks of politically calculated bloviation.
* I want total strangers - oily politicians, maudlin news anchors,
ersatz friars and all other hangers-on - to start calling me "Bobby," as
if they had known me since childhood.
* I'm not insisting on this as part of my directive, but it would be
nice if Congress passed a "Bobby's Law" that applied only to me and
ignored the medical needs of tens of millions of other Americans without
adequate health coverage.
* Even if the "Bobby's Law" idea doesn't work out, I want Congress -
especially all those self-described conservatives who claim to believe
in "less government and more freedom" - to trample on the decisions of
doctors, judges and other experts who actually know something about my
case. And I want members of Congress to launch into an extended debate
that gives them another excuse to avoid pesky issues such as national
security and the economy.
* In particular, I want House Majority Leader Tom DeLay to use my case
as an opportunity to divert the country's attention from the mounting
political and legal troubles stemming from his slimy misbehavior.
* And I want Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist to make a mockery of his
Harvard medical degree by misrepresenting the details of my case in ways
that might give a boost to his 2008 presidential campaign.
* I want Frist and the rest of the world to judge my medical condition
on the basis of a snippet of dated and demeaning videotape that should
have remained private.
* Because I think I would retain my sense of humor even in a persistent
vegetative state, I'd want President Bush - the same guy who publicly
mocked Karla Faye Tucker when signing off on her death warrant as
governor of Texas - to claim he was intervening in my case because it is
always best "to err on the side of life."
* I want the state Department of Children and Families to step in at
the last moment to take responsibility for my well-being, because
nothing bad could ever happen to anyone under DCF's care.
* And because Gov. Jeb Bush is the smartest and most righteous human
being on the face of the Earth, I want any and all of the aforementioned
directives to be disregarded if the governor happens to disagree with
them. If he says he knows what's best for me, I won't be in any position
to argue.
HellPope Huey ~ www.subgenius.com
"POPE HUEY IN 2020,
'cause if its gonna get UGLY,
it might as well be FUNNY!"
There are men to whom the satisfaction
of throwing down a triumphant fallacy
is as great as that which attends
the discovery of a new truth.
- T. H. Huxley
"Thanks for ruining my mileage, Anvil Butt."
- "The Drew Carey Show"
Posted by:: "SheBlewHimDidYouBlowHim" Date: Wed, 30 Mar 2005 02:26:03 GMT
--------
that summed it up perfectly, I wonder how the religious nutcases and the
republicscums will respond to this one.
"HellPope Huey" wrote in message
news:cussedomer-2FB63B.20072829032005@news1.west.earthlink.net...
>
> Living will is the best revenge
> By ROBERT FRIEDMAN, Perspective Editor, St. Petersburg Times
> Published March 27, 2005
>
> Like many of you, I have been compelled by recent events to prepare a
> more detailed advance directive dealing with end-of-life issues. Here's
> what mine says:
>
> * In the event I lapse into a persistent vegetative state, I want
> medical authorities to resort to extraordinary means to prolong my
> hellish semiexistence. Fifteen years wouldn't be long enough for me.
>
> * I want my wife and my parents to compound their misery by engaging in
> a bitter and protracted feud that depletes their emotions and their bank
> accounts.
>
> * I want my wife to ruin the rest of her life by maintaining an
> interminable vigil at my bedside. I'd be really jealous if she waited
> less than a decade to start dating again or otherwise rebuilding a
> semblance of a normal life.
>
> * I want my case to be turned into a circus by losers and crackpots
> from around the country who hope to bring meaning to their empty lives
> by investing the same transient emotion in me that they once reserved
> for Laci Peterson, Chandra Levy and that little girl who got stuck in a
> well.
>
> * I want those crackpots to spread vicious lies about my wife.
>
> * I want to be placed in a hospice where protesters can gather to bring
> further grief and disruption to the lives of dozens of dying patients
> and families whose stories are sadder than my own.
>
> * I want the people who attach themselves to my case because of their
> deep devotion to the sanctity of life to make death threats against any
> judges, elected officials or health care professionals who disagree with
> them.
>
> * I want the medical geniuses and philosopher kings who populate the
> Florida Legislature to ignore me for more than a decade and then turn my
> case into a forum for weeks of politically calculated bloviation.
>
> * I want total strangers - oily politicians, maudlin news anchors,
> ersatz friars and all other hangers-on - to start calling me "Bobby," as
> if they had known me since childhood.
>
> * I'm not insisting on this as part of my directive, but it would be
> nice if Congress passed a "Bobby's Law" that applied only to me and
> ignored the medical needs of tens of millions of other Americans without
> adequate health coverage.
>
> * Even if the "Bobby's Law" idea doesn't work out, I want Congress -
> especially all those self-described conservatives who claim to believe
> in "less government and more freedom" - to trample on the decisions of
> doctors, judges and other experts who actually know something about my
> case. And I want members of Congress to launch into an extended debate
> that gives them another excuse to avoid pesky issues such as national
> security and the economy.
>
> * In particular, I want House Majority Leader Tom DeLay to use my case
> as an opportunity to divert the country's attention from the mounting
> political and legal troubles stemming from his slimy misbehavior.
>
> * And I want Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist to make a mockery of his
> Harvard medical degree by misrepresenting the details of my case in ways
> that might give a boost to his 2008 presidential campaign.
>
> * I want Frist and the rest of the world to judge my medical condition
> on the basis of a snippet of dated and demeaning videotape that should
> have remained private.
>
> * Because I think I would retain my sense of humor even in a persistent
> vegetative state, I'd want President Bush - the same guy who publicly
> mocked Karla Faye Tucker when signing off on her death warrant as
> governor of Texas - to claim he was intervening in my case because it is
> always best "to err on the side of life."
>
> * I want the state Department of Children and Families to step in at
> the last moment to take responsibility for my well-being, because
> nothing bad could ever happen to anyone under DCF's care.
>
> * And because Gov. Jeb Bush is the smartest and most righteous human
> being on the face of the Earth, I want any and all of the aforementioned
> directives to be disregarded if the governor happens to disagree with
> them. If he says he knows what's best for me, I won't be in any position
> to argue.
>
> http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&addr
> ess=104x3
> 372651
>
> --
>
> HellPope Huey ~ www.subgenius.com
> "POPE HUEY IN 2020,
> 'cause if its gonna get UGLY,
> it might as well be FUNNY!"
>
> There are men to whom the satisfaction
> of throwing down a triumphant fallacy
> is as great as that which attends
> the discovery of a new truth.
> - T. H. Huxley
>
> "Thanks for ruining my mileage, Anvil Butt."
> - "The Drew Carey Show"
Posted by:: "Paul E. Jamison" Date: Tue, 29 Mar 2005 21:51:13 -0600
--------
I wonder, too. Probably something along the lines of "LA-LA-LA! I CAN'T
HEEEAR YOU!!"
"SheBlewHimDidYouBlowHim" wrote in message
news:%6o2e.506$44.204@newsread1.news.atl.earthlink.net...
> that summed it up perfectly, I wonder how the religious nutcases and the
> republicscums will respond to this one.
>
> "HellPope Huey" wrote in message
> news:cussedomer-2FB63B.20072829032005@news1.west.earthlink.net...
> >
> > Living will is the best revenge
> > By ROBERT FRIEDMAN, Perspective Editor, St. Petersburg Times
> > Published March 27, 2005
> >
> > Like many of you, I have been compelled by recent events to prepare a
> > more detailed advance directive dealing with end-of-life issues. Here's
> > what mine says:
> >
> > * In the event I lapse into a persistent vegetative state, I want
> > medical authorities to resort to extraordinary means to prolong my
> > hellish semiexistence. Fifteen years wouldn't be long enough for me.
> >
> > * I want my wife and my parents to compound their misery by engaging in
> > a bitter and protracted feud that depletes their emotions and their bank
> > accounts.
> >
> > * I want my wife to ruin the rest of her life by maintaining an
> > interminable vigil at my bedside. I'd be really jealous if she waited
> > less than a decade to start dating again or otherwise rebuilding a
> > semblance of a normal life.
> >
> > * I want my case to be turned into a circus by losers and crackpots
> > from around the country who hope to bring meaning to their empty lives
> > by investing the same transient emotion in me that they once reserved
> > for Laci Peterson, Chandra Levy and that little girl who got stuck in a
> > well.
> >
> > * I want those crackpots to spread vicious lies about my wife.
> >
> > * I want to be placed in a hospice where protesters can gather to bring
> > further grief and disruption to the lives of dozens of dying patients
> > and families whose stories are sadder than my own.
> >
> > * I want the people who attach themselves to my case because of their
> > deep devotion to the sanctity of life to make death threats against any
> > judges, elected officials or health care professionals who disagree with
> > them.
> >
> > * I want the medical geniuses and philosopher kings who populate the
> > Florida Legislature to ignore me for more than a decade and then turn my
> > case into a forum for weeks of politically calculated bloviation.
> >
> > * I want total strangers - oily politicians, maudlin news anchors,
> > ersatz friars and all other hangers-on - to start calling me "Bobby," as
> > if they had known me since childhood.
> >
> > * I'm not insisting on this as part of my directive, but it would be
> > nice if Congress passed a "Bobby's Law" that applied only to me and
> > ignored the medical needs of tens of millions of other Americans without
> > adequate health coverage.
> >
> > * Even if the "Bobby's Law" idea doesn't work out, I want Congress -
> > especially all those self-described conservatives who claim to believe
> > in "less government and more freedom" - to trample on the decisions of
> > doctors, judges and other experts who actually know something about my
> > case. And I want members of Congress to launch into an extended debate
> > that gives them another excuse to avoid pesky issues such as national
> > security and the economy.
> >
> > * In particular, I want House Majority Leader Tom DeLay to use my case
> > as an opportunity to divert the country's attention from the mounting
> > political and legal troubles stemming from his slimy misbehavior.
> >
> > * And I want Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist to make a mockery of his
> > Harvard medical degree by misrepresenting the details of my case in ways
> > that might give a boost to his 2008 presidential campaign.
> >
> > * I want Frist and the rest of the world to judge my medical condition
> > on the basis of a snippet of dated and demeaning videotape that should
> > have remained private.
> >
> > * Because I think I would retain my sense of humor even in a persistent
> > vegetative state, I'd want President Bush - the same guy who publicly
> > mocked Karla Faye Tucker when signing off on her death warrant as
> > governor of Texas - to claim he was intervening in my case because it is
> > always best "to err on the side of life."
> >
> > * I want the state Department of Children and Families to step in at
> > the last moment to take responsibility for my well-being, because
> > nothing bad could ever happen to anyone under DCF's care.
> >
> > * And because Gov. Jeb Bush is the smartest and most righteous human
> > being on the face of the Earth, I want any and all of the aforementioned
> > directives to be disregarded if the governor happens to disagree with
> > them. If he says he knows what's best for me, I won't be in any position
> > to argue.
> >
> >
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&addr
> > ess=104x3
> > 372651
> >
> > --
> >
> > HellPope Huey ~ www.subgenius.com
> > "POPE HUEY IN 2020,
> > 'cause if its gonna get UGLY,
> > it might as well be FUNNY!"
> >
> > There are men to whom the satisfaction
> > of throwing down a triumphant fallacy
> > is as great as that which attends
> > the discovery of a new truth.
> > - T. H. Huxley
> >
> > "Thanks for ruining my mileage, Anvil Butt."
> > - "The Drew Carey Show"
>
>
--------
HellPope Huey wrote:
>
> Living will is the best revenge
If I am in a persistant vegetative state, I DO NOT
want to be terminated by a doctor. They might screw
it up. I want my family to hire a professional killer
who will sneak into my hospital room cross-dressed like
a nurse, and then inject some lethal substance into
my I.V. tube, while the cops try to protect me so that
I can testify before a grand jury or unveil my 500
miles-per-gallon carburetor or something.
--
Be Sure To Visit the 'SubGenius Reverend' Blog:
http://slackoff.blogspot.com/
***********
Unless there is some reason for investigation,
the federal law and the Constitution still
protect the rights of citizens.
--FBI agent Greg Stejskal
Posted by:: "iDRMRSR" Date: Tue, 29 Mar 2005 22:26:42 -0500
--------
If I am in a PVS, I want to be cared for exclusively by Kirstie Alley.
Now that you all know my wishes, you can come to my defense if that becomes
necessary.
[*]
-----
Posted by:: "krustymadfaker" Date: 29 Mar 2005 19:34:12 -0800
--------
iDRMRSR wrote:
>If I am in a PVS, I want to be cared for >exclusively by Kirstie
Alley.
Why would you want that? She would just sit on you and steal all your
retirement coupons!
If anything happens to you I'll come and fix you up. I've been working
on a few experiments where nothing would go wrong buddy!!
Rev-Sci-Fi-entist KrustyMADfaker
"1980's sh*t! Pump up the volume!!! Stick Live Aid wrist bands to the
equation! Q-Bert not included!!"
"This is the most uncomfortable coffin I've ever been in."
-Bela Lugosi
Posted by:: "Rev. Richard Skull" Date: 30 Mar 2005 15:12:23 -0800
--------
<
retirement coupons! >>
They'd need a court order to full the damned food tube from her gullet
before she ends up like some trailer trash from Arkansas. Or worse,
Huey!
--------
In article <1112224343.785496.29620@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com>,
"Rev. Richard Skull" wrote:
> <
> > retirement coupons! >>
>
> They'd need a court order to full the damned food tube from her gullet
> before she ends up like some trailer trash from Arkansas. Or worse,
> Huey!
I AM a food tube, when you get down to it. Same goes for the rest of
you awful, awful ruffians. Barbed-wire Sterno-thongs for the LOT of you.
--
HellPope Huey
379 pounds of Samoan dynamite
"You can't kill them
just because they're annoying."
"You never know until you try!"
- " Dilbert"
"The biggest difference
between the psychiatrist and the patient
is that the psychiatrist
has learned how to live with it."
- (David Gerrold) Solomon Short
--------
In article <424A15B3.20D5@succeeds.com>,
"nu-monet v7.0" wrote:
> HellPope Huey wrote:
> >
> > Living will is the best revenge
>
> If I am in a persistant vegetative state, I DO NOT
> want to be terminated by a doctor. They might screw
> it up. I want my family to hire a professional killer
> who will sneak into my hospital room cross-dressed like
> a nurse, and then inject some lethal substance into
> my I.V. tube, while the cops try to protect me so that
> I can testify before a grand jury or unveil my 500
> miles-per-gallon carburetor or something.
I agree with this post. I also approve of its faint patchouli scent.
--
HellPope Huey ~ www.subgenius.com
"POPE HUEY IN 2020,
'cause if its gonna get UGLY,
it might as well be FUNNY!"
There are men to whom the satisfaction
of throwing down a triumphant fallacy
is as great as that which attends
the discovery of a new truth.
- T. H. Huxley
"Thanks for ruining my mileage, Anvil Butt."
- "The Drew Carey Show"
Posted by:: Prism Date: Wed, 30 Mar 2005 03:42:41 GMT
--------
HellPope Huey wrote in news:cussedomer-
2FB63B.20072829032005@news1.west.earthlink.net:
>
> Living will is the best revenge
> By ROBERT FRIEDMAN, Perspective Editor, St. Petersburg Times
> Published March 27, 2005
>
> Like many of you, I have been compelled by recent events to prepare a
> more detailed advance directive dealing with end-of-life issues. Here's
> what mine says:
>
> * In the event I lapse into a persistent vegetative state, I want
> medical authorities to resort to extraordinary means to prolong my
> hellish semiexistence. Fifteen years wouldn't be long enough for me.
>
> * I want my wife and my parents to compound their misery by engaging in
> a bitter and protracted feud that depletes their emotions and their
bank
> accounts.
>
> * I want my wife to ruin the rest of her life by maintaining an
> interminable vigil at my bedside. I'd be really jealous if she waited
> less than a decade to start dating again or otherwise rebuilding a
> semblance of a normal life.
>
> * I want my case to be turned into a circus by losers and crackpots
> from around the country who hope to bring meaning to their empty lives
> by investing the same transient emotion in me that they once reserved
> for Laci Peterson, Chandra Levy and that little girl who got stuck in a
> well.
>
> * I want those crackpots to spread vicious lies about my wife.
>
> * I want to be placed in a hospice where protesters can gather to bring
> further grief and disruption to the lives of dozens of dying patients
> and families whose stories are sadder than my own.
>
> * I want the people who attach themselves to my case because of their
> deep devotion to the sanctity of life to make death threats against any
> judges, elected officials or health care professionals who disagree
with
> them.
>
> * I want the medical geniuses and philosopher kings who populate the
> Florida Legislature to ignore me for more than a decade and then turn
my
> case into a forum for weeks of politically calculated bloviation.
>
> * I want total strangers - oily politicians, maudlin news anchors,
> ersatz friars and all other hangers-on - to start calling me "Bobby,"
as
> if they had known me since childhood.
>
> * I'm not insisting on this as part of my directive, but it would be
> nice if Congress passed a "Bobby's Law" that applied only to me and
> ignored the medical needs of tens of millions of other Americans
without
> adequate health coverage.
>
> * Even if the "Bobby's Law" idea doesn't work out, I want Congress -
> especially all those self-described conservatives who claim to believe
> in "less government and more freedom" - to trample on the decisions of
> doctors, judges and other experts who actually know something about my
> case. And I want members of Congress to launch into an extended debate
> that gives them another excuse to avoid pesky issues such as national
> security and the economy.
>
> * In particular, I want House Majority Leader Tom DeLay to use my case
> as an opportunity to divert the country's attention from the mounting
> political and legal troubles stemming from his slimy misbehavior.
>
> * And I want Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist to make a mockery of his
> Harvard medical degree by misrepresenting the details of my case in
ways
> that might give a boost to his 2008 presidential campaign.
>
> * I want Frist and the rest of the world to judge my medical condition
> on the basis of a snippet of dated and demeaning videotape that should
> have remained private.
>
> * Because I think I would retain my sense of humor even in a persistent
> vegetative state, I'd want President Bush - the same guy who publicly
> mocked Karla Faye Tucker when signing off on her death warrant as
> governor of Texas - to claim he was intervening in my case because it
is
> always best "to err on the side of life."
>
> * I want the state Department of Children and Families to step in at
> the last moment to take responsibility for my well-being, because
> nothing bad could ever happen to anyone under DCF's care.
>
> * And because Gov. Jeb Bush is the smartest and most righteous human
> being on the face of the Earth, I want any and all of the
aforementioned
> directives to be disregarded if the governor happens to disagree with
> them. If he says he knows what's best for me, I won't be in any
position
> to argue.
>
> http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?
az=view_all&addr
> ess=104x3
> 372651
>
> --
>
> HellPope Huey ~ www.subgenius.com
> "POPE HUEY IN 2020,
> 'cause if its gonna get UGLY,
> it might as well be FUNNY!"
>
> There are men to whom the satisfaction
> of throwing down a triumphant fallacy
> is as great as that which attends
> the discovery of a new truth.
> - T. H. Huxley
>
> "Thanks for ruining my mileage, Anvil Butt."
> - "The Drew Carey Show"
>