I BROKE MY PLASTIC JESUS

Posted by:: HellPope Huey
Date: Wed, 30 Mar 2005 02:12:10 GMT

--------

I kept accidentally knocking Him off the corner of my synth module as I
dabbled in my music and He finally popped off His little stand. Rats!

There was a great gnashing of teeth until I used some E6000 goo to
restore Him to His throne. Now He's on top of the TV where I can keep an
EYE on Him. Moral: Keep Jesus within sight but at a respectful distance
or there COULD be trouble. He knows each time a sparrow falls, but who
can answer all his calls? Good for God!

--

HellPope Huey ~ www.subgenius.com
"POPE HUEY IN 2020,
'cause if its gonna get UGLY,
it might as well be FUNNY!"

There are men to whom the satisfaction
of throwing down a triumphant fallacy
is as great as that which attends
the discovery of a new truth.
- T. H. Huxley

"Thanks for ruining my mileage, Anvil Butt."
- "The Drew Carey Show"

Posted by:: "rev_cletus"
Date: Wed, 30 Mar 2005 02:36:28 GMT

--------

"HellPope Huey" wrote in message
news:cussedomer-1B770C.20124629032005@news1.west.earthlink.net...
>
> I kept accidentally knocking Him off the corner of my synth module as I
> dabbled in my music and He finally popped off His little stand. Rats!

"Dabbled"?

Hooey, when the fsck have you EVER "dabbled" at ANYTHING? (Well, exceptin'
that wee bidness wif yer cousin Rosetta down behind the five-'n-dime when
y'all were just pups...'member? It was a game of Pobucker Peek-a-Boo gone
horribly wrong, and yer uncle the county magistrate had to promise yer Aunty
Griselda and Sherf Thigpen you'd go in fer couselin' *first thing* next
week, if you could get time off from the cotton gin...)

Oh...you didn't say *diddled*, didja?

Never mind.

> There was a great gnashing of teeth until I used some E6000 goo to
> restore Him to His throne. Now He's on top of the TV where I can keep an
> EYE on Him.

Oh. "E6000." Is *that* what we're callin' it these days?

> Moral: Keep Jesus within sight but at a respectful distance
> or there COULD be trouble. He knows each time a sparrow falls, but who
> can answer all his calls? Good for God!

Um...*yeah*. Only problem is, Yahweh's got Jesse Jackson on hold, is
in-processing Johnny Cochran, and has a whole *raft* of in-triplicate
paperwork in his "pending" basket in anticipation of having to increase the
capacity of the freight elevator to Hades for Jerry Fallwell's thrill ride
to Purgatory; tell me the old fsck ain't two-blocked.

--
rev_c
.sig hopin' fer a righteous triple-header in the next twenty-four...

Posted by:: "krustymadfaker"
Date: 29 Mar 2005 19:27:41 -0800

--------
I'm going to let you in on a little secret.
HE DID IT ON PURPOSE! You think
he wants to do your chores when you
are not at home? Heck no he has had
it! Just because he is small, plastic and
Jesus does not mean he gets in fights with
your Batman figure either! If I was
you I would get him a microchip to
keep track of him when he goes out
on his (Do Gooder Binger missions)
at night!

Rev-Sci-Fi-entist KrustyMADfaker
"1980's sh*t! Pump up the volume!!! Stick Live Aid wrist bands to the
equation! Q-Bert not included!!"

"This is the most uncomfortable coffin I've ever been in."
-Bela Lugosi

Posted by:: John Cook
Date: Wed, 30 Mar 2005 14:12:39 +1000

--------
krustymadfaker wrote:
> I'm going to let you in on a little secret.
> HE DID IT ON PURPOSE! You think

Of Course - Jesus got famous for his mad suicide martyr act

'n he just did it AGAIN

AND it WORKED!

Sucked in

--
John Cook

The Bandwidth of reality is Wonderfully wide

Posted by:: HellPope Huey
Date: Wed, 30 Mar 2005 18:13:20 GMT

--------
In article <1112153261.902097.314710@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com>,
"krustymadfaker" wrote:

> I'm going to let you in on a little secret.
> HE DID IT ON PURPOSE! You think
> he wants to do your chores when you
> are not at home? Heck no he has had
> it! Just because he is small, plastic and
> Jesus does not mean he gets in fights with
> your Batman figure either! If I was
> you I would get him a microchip to
> keep track of him when he goes out
> on his (Do Gooder Binger missions)
> at night!

Naw, Jesus and Batman get along fine, although Jesus is a little
bollixed by the way Batman treats his villains. He doesn't smite enough
for The Lord and as for that sodomy thing, well, He just turns a blind
eye because Batman is really Good. Its a somewhat contentious friendship
at times, as Jesus is always having to forgive the sodomite who goes out
at night dressed like a bat. What's up with that? What a mess.

--

HellPope Huey
379 pounds of Samoan dynamite

"You can't kill them
just because they're annoying."
"You never know until you try!"
- " Dilbert"

"The biggest difference
between the psychiatrist and the patient
is that the psychiatrist
has learned how to live with it."
- (David Gerrold) Solomon Short

Posted by:: HellPope Huey
Date: Wed, 30 Mar 2005 03:40:12 GMT

--------
In article ,
"rev_cletus" wrote:

> "Dabbled"?
> Hooey, when the fsck have you EVER "dabbled" at ANYTHING?

There was my fulminate of mercury drive-through concession from the
garage, but it proved to have a bad cost/benefit ratio. I did better
selling porcelain Jesuses door-to-door until people figured out it was a
painted-up statue of Ricardo Montelban. They ran my ass out of town on a
RAIL, hoooo dawgies!

--

HellPope Huey ~ www.subgenius.com
"POPE HUEY IN 2020,
'cause if its gonna get UGLY,
it might as well be FUNNY!"

There are men to whom the satisfaction
of throwing down a triumphant fallacy
is as great as that which attends
the discovery of a new truth.
- T. H. Huxley

"Thanks for ruining my mileage, Anvil Butt."
- "The Drew Carey Show"

Posted by:: "Rev. 11D Meow!"
Date: 29 Mar 2005 20:38:29 -0800

--------
Don't you know they make this really Kewl
Multi-National-Corporation-Backed-Crypto stuff called sticky-back
Velcro these days?

It's way better than Plain-Old-Fashioned 'Sticky-Back Tape' for two
reasons.

One... You support North Korea's SubNuclear
Arms-For-Aborted-Already-Dead-People Initiative.

Two... You end up with this really kewl stuff that let's your knock
stuff over infinity times, then Velcro it back Exactly Right Where It
Was Before.

Note To Self... Invent stuff that makes stuff that breaks when it hits
the floor reassemble itself then 'ARISE' back to its former Velcro-ed
sticky point...

or...

like most people that do the same stupid-assed thing over and over
do...

"HEY! That was kewl! Do it again, "BOB"!

never-mind...

I was merely 'acting as if' being a Snub-Genius...

Well...

There's one thing to be said about the folks around here...

"BE STIFF"

Posted by:: "Am I Gay?"
Date: Wed, 30 Mar 2005 04:55:21 GMT

Posted by:: Faint Peter
Date: Wed, 30 Mar 2005 11:57:12 GMT

--------
In article , Am I Gay?
wrote:

> "HellPope Huey" wrote in message
> news:cussedomer-1B770C.20124629032005@news1.west.earthlink.net...
> >
> > I kept accidentally knocking Him off the corner of my synth module as I
> > dabbled in my music and He finally popped off His little stand. Rats!
> >
> > There was a great gnashing of teeth until I used some E6000 goo to
> > restore Him to His throne. Now He's on top of the TV where I can keep an
> > EYE on Him. Moral: Keep Jesus within sight but at a respectful distance
> > or there COULD be trouble. He knows each time a sparrow falls, but who
> > can answer all his calls? Good for God!
>
>
> oooooooooo....E6000 goo sounds like fun! wheeeeeeee!!!
>
>
Don't try this at home, kiddies. You might get your d*ck stuck!

But seriously guys, if the Plastic Jeez had stuck hisself back
together, THEN it might have been a story.

Posted by:: HellPope Huey
Date: Wed, 30 Mar 2005 18:14:51 GMT

--------
In article ,
"Am I Gay?" wrote:
> "HellPope Huey" wrote in message
> news:cussedomer-1B770C.20124629032005@news1.west.earthlink.net...
> >
> > I kept accidentally knocking Him off the corner of my synth module as I
> > dabbled in my music and He finally popped off His little stand. Rats!
> >
> > There was a great gnashing of teeth until I used some E6000 goo to
> > restore Him to His throne. Now He's on top of the TV where I can keep an
> > EYE on Him. Moral: Keep Jesus within sight but at a respectful distance
> > or there COULD be trouble. He knows each time a sparrow falls, but who
> > can answer all his calls? Good for God!
>
> oooooooooo....E6000 goo sounds like fun! wheeeeeeee!!!

Its a heavy duty glue. If you're kinky enough to trade in your
Astroglide for that, please have someone take pictures in the ER for the
archives.

--

HellPope Huey
379 pounds of Samoan dynamite

"You can't kill them
just because they're annoying."
"You never know until you try!"
- " Dilbert"

"The biggest difference
between the psychiatrist and the patient
is that the psychiatrist
has learned how to live with it."
- (David Gerrold) Solomon Short

Posted by:: "Doktor Dark"
Date: 30 Mar 2005 04:30:44 -0800

--------
SEE? The Resurrection is TRUE!!
WITH GLUE!

Posted by:: "PlanetEarth"
Date: Wed, 30 Mar 2005 21:13:22 -0500