HUEY'S OBLIQUE Sub-SPLATTERGIES
Posted by:: HellPope Huey
Date: Tue, 01 Mar 2005 16:53:10 GMT
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Behold! The SubGenius version of THIS:
http://www.elephant-talk.com/articles/eno-obli.htm
and a site of related interest to those who like the music
http://www.roedelius.com/
Think of the radio. Then throw it in a yuppie's shower while its still
plugged in.
Turn it upside down. Whack it on the back until it coughs up $30.
Make an exhaustive list of everything you might do, toss it in the
trash and take a nap. The best idea will come to you when you stop
focusing so hard.
Simple subtraction doesn't always work and you might lose something
precious in the process, like your nads.
Take away the elements in order of apparent non-importance, then try to
put them back when you end up with too many bolts in the hubcap.
Remove specifics and convert to ambiguities. Its easier to cloud the
issue that way.
Don't be frightened of cliches; harpoon them and twist them to your own
uses.
What is the reality of the situation? Who cares? It will be different
again 12 hours from now anyway, unless there is a grudge glued to it.
Honor thy error as a hidden intention. Your screwups can be sacred and
sometimes more truth comes from speaking in tongues than taking an
honest stab at it prematurely.
Change instrument roles, but if you switch from tuba to piccolo, some
people will never hear it because they lost that part of their hearing
by listening to the Buzzcocks too loudly for 7 years between 1979 and
1986.
Humanize something free of error, IF YOU CAN FIND IT.
Use an old idea. Its easier than coming up with any new ones of your
own and they're easier to pervert because they are more commonly
familiar.
A line has two sides, but if you get drunk enough, you can fall right
on it and really inflame the One-Or-The-Other types.
Into the impossible. Head-first or ass-first, it doesn't matter much.
Ask people to work against their better judgement. Most of them will do
it if you promise them something stupid that looks glittery upfront, but
has almost no chance of bearing real fruit.
Disconnect from desire. Oh, that trick never works.
Don't be afraid of things because they're easy to do; be afraid of them
if they involve known nuts or more than 4 sharp objects.
Breathe more deeply. You can't spit as far on just half a lungful of
air.
Only one element of each kind. Remember, if any two are alike, one must
go.
Is there something missing? Heh, probably; isn't there always?
Use "unqualified" people. They're WAY more plentiful, they'll
appreciate the work and may really surprise you at the 11th hour.
How would you have done it? Big deal, the die is cast.
Emphasize differences. "Kill" anyone who has too many that you don't
like, especially if they do things YOU do that you do not like in
yourself.
Do nothing for as long as possible. Then look back on it with regret
from your wheelchair when your colostomy bag explodes.
Bridges: Build. Burn. Clone. Fuck. Nuke.
You don't have to be ashamed of using your own ideas, but its even
better to steal and sell someone else's.
Tidy up or at least hide things more carefully. The Feds might be
looking.
Do the words need changing? Oh hell yes, about every 10 minutes.
Water. If it turns some color besides yellow, consult physician.
Make a sudden, destructive, unpredictable action; incorporate. Take the
credit if someone laughs at it; blame the other guy if it tanks.
Consult other sources: -promising -unpromising, then do what you were
going to do anyway.
Use an unacceptable color. A bruised mauve is rather popular this
season.
Use filters for blocking out the truly hopeless assholes, as opposed to
the amusing ones who are easy to beat up. Pretend you are right with a
fierceness that increases with the level of your error.
Fill every beat with something. Beat everything with pills. Put pills
in the drinks of every self-appointed beat poet you can find. Use beats
as filler if you can't come up with a real melody.
Discard an axiom. Devise a vulgar catchphrase. Pervert a generally
accepted truism.
Decorate, decorate, with outmoded paradigms and Pink guts; they are
always "in."
Balance the consistency principle with the inconsistency principle, set
people against one another and giggle over the resulting melee from a
safe distance. Its an Irish thing.
Listen to the quiet voices when they say to KILL "BOB."
Is it finished? Of course not. There's always a way to make it either
better or far WORSE.
Put in earplugs. Do the next thing much more loudly.
Abandon normal instruments. In some cases, a toilet paper roll is as
good as a clarinet and does not honk as badly.
Use fewer notes, but pick better ones, if you can.
Repetition is a form of change. Oh not its not. Oh yes it is.
Give way to your worst impulse. Then you'll fit in better. Maybe.
Reverse. Reverse again suddenly. Run headlong into people who weren't
fast enough to reverse as fast as you did.
Trust in the you of now, grimace at the you of yesterday, give the you
of tomorrow an honest chance to regroup or kill me.
What would your closest friend do? To whom would he or she or it do it
and how many times before the cops come?
Distorting time. Hey, its in the FAQ.
Make a blank valuable by putting it in an exquisite frame, then hock
the frame and buy a better picture. Thumbtack it to the wall and stop
worrying about frames.
You can only make one dot at a time, but enough dots will make a
Dobbshead.
Just carry on... like a crack-crazed chimp riding an ether-addled
rhino.
The inconsistency principle is our rod, our shield, our downfall and
our glory, but please try not to wear it out, you fucker.
Don't just break the silence.... smash it into flinders.
Discover the recipes you are using and abandon them. Eat more badger
and microwave it rather than baking so you can get back to the computer
sooner.
Courage! Functional insanity is not for sissies.
What mistakes did you make last time and how can you make more money or
get more trim from using them differently the next time?
Consider different fading systems. Make fun of those you see in others,
but try to bolster your own. If within a musical system, try using a
foot pedal and pump a loaf at odd moments.
It is quite possible (after all) that only a few people are as crazy as
you think they are and vice-versa.
Don't stress one thing more than another; many structures weren't up to
code to begin with.
You are an engineer. Build a better doghouse, with a bigger playroom, a
catapault by the back door and a nicer bondage suite.
Remove ambiguities and convert to specifics. Watch who you express them
to or bunk bunk on the head!
Look at the order in which you do things. Scratch your head and say
"What the fuck...?"
Go outside. Shut the door. Set fire to the doghouse.
Do we need holes? Aside from Connie's and an Out port for your doody?
Clusterfuck analysis.
Cut a vital connection, then try to glue it back together in a
hurricane.
Define an area as 'safe' and use it as an anchor. Make sure the chain
is not wrapped around your ankle first.
Overtly resist change. Oh yeah, that'll work.
Accept advice from the loudest schizophrenic or hypocrite you can find.
Sometimes they are right on the money.
Look closely at the most embarrasing details and amplify them until the
original thread is a mere wisp of its former self.
Mechanicalize something idiosyncratic; it might pay off in some weird
way.
Emphasize the flaws, as those are usually the most interesting aspects.
Remember those quiet evenings before everyone went insane.
Take a break. If you don't remove the headphones once in a while, your
ears will go numb and it will spoil the final mix.
Change nothing and continue with immaculate consistency. It'll either
turn out swimmingly or you'll wake up with your own dick & balls sewn to
your chin.
The tape is now the music is now the MP3 is now the copyright violation
is now the tool of Satang.
Be dirty, REALLY dirty, hehehehehehehe.....
Imagine the music as a chain or a caterpillar or a crapping seagull or
a gift from the gods or a gift to entropy or something else entirely.
Imagine the piece as a set of disconnected events. Imagine a set of
disconnected events as a tiara on a pig.
What are you really thinking about just now? Well stop it, that stuff
is bankrupt.
Assemble some of the elements as a group and then treat the group as
the mess it really is.
Shut the door and listen from outside. Did the cherry bomb in the
toilet go off?
Is the intonation correct? If you hear applause, yes. If you get a
canteloupe to the side of the head, re-tune.
Feed the recording back out of the medium and onto an MP3 player. Zeet!
Not building a wall but shitting a brick.
Reevaluation (a warm feeling)... unless it leaves frost on your
privates.
Idiot glee (?). Hey, its our heritage and our main goal.
Intentions: -nobility of -humility of- credibility of. Aw, nobody gives
a damn about that crap.
State the problem in words as clearly as possible. Then duck.
Question the heroic approach. In a world of cowards, it sometimes makes
you look like a target or a ninny.
Lost in useless territory. Well, you paid to get in, shut up.
Always give yourself credit for having more than personality, but let's
not overdo it or you will get a name as a narcissitic numbnut.
Faced with a choice, do both. Then wear a wig or hankie for several
months until your hair grows back.
Tape your mouth. Start early and don't wait until after the bad words
get out; the tape won't suck them back in once they're uttered.
Get your neck massaged, but preferably not with a chainsaw.
Convert a melodic element into a rhythmic element. Don't remove a fly
from a friend's forehead with an axe, unless you are Wotaning.
Spectrum analysis only identifies the enemy, not how to handle 'im.
Twist the spine until you hear a sound like celery being crunched
through a Marshal stack. Oh yeah, that'll help.
Left channel, right channel, centre channel, Dobbs channel
Retrace your steps, try to figure out exactly where the pooch got
screwed; don't go there again, if at all possible.
Go to an extreme, move back to a more comfortable place, then go to an
even greater extreme.
Once the search is in progress, something will be found, usually under
the couch or the house.
From nothing to more than nothing to WAY more than something, all the
way to What The Fuck, as fast as possible.
Be less critical more often and just pray that it sticks.
The most important thing is the most easily forgotten. Uh... what was
it again?
--
HellPope Huey
I like to gouge wattled matrons with sporks
I do not have a psychiatrist
and I do not want one,
for the simple reason
that if he listened to me long enough,
he might become disturbed.
~ "Carpe Noctem, If You Can",
Credos and Curios
My father had a profound influence on me.
He was a lunatic.
~ Spike Milligan
Posted by:: nenslo
Date: Tue, 01 Mar 2005 11:54:09 -0800
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This is not getting any funnier. TOO MANY WORDS.
Posted by:: HellPope Huey
Date: Tue, 01 Mar 2005 20:15:56 GMT
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In article <4224C861.AAE89F85@yahoox.com>, nenslo
wrote:
> This is not getting any funnier. TOO MANY WORDS.
You could say the same thing about alt.slack, but you're still here.
--
HellPope Huey
I like to gouge wattled matrons with sporks
I do not have a psychiatrist
and I do not want one,
for the simple reason
that if he listened to me long enough,
he might become disturbed.
~ "Carpe Noctem, If You Can",
Credos and Curios
My father had a profound influence on me.
He was a lunatic.
~ Spike Milligan
Posted by:: nikolai kingsley
Date: Wed, 02 Mar 2005 13:57:35 +1100
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> This is not getting any funnier. TOO MANY WORDS.
no-one ever said that to Jane Austen and walked away with their teeth
intact!