Forgive me: FBI files on suspected gay cartoon characters uncovered
Posted by:: FRice@SkepticTank.ORG (Fredric L. Rice)
Date: Wed, 16 Mar 2005 05:01:58 GMT
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FBI files on suspected gay cartoon characters uncovered
http://babelogue.citypages.com:8080/canderson/2005/02/24
Cartoon characters have taken a pummelling by the Christian right
recently for their supposed promotion of the homosexual lifestyle.
SpongeBob SquarePants has been ridiculed for both chronic hand-holding
with his male friend Patrick and for joining with other cartoon
characters in singing "We Are Family" for a school video that accusers
contend promotes the "homosexual agenda." Buster the Bunny was recently
busted trying to visit a lesbian couple in Vermont on his public
television show. And Marge Simpson's sister, Patty Bouvier, recently
married her lesbian lover on "The Simpsons." Thanks to the Freedom of
Information Act, American Idle has uncovered an ongoing investigation
of cartoon characters that dates back to the 1930s, with overseers such
as J. Edgar Hoover, Sen. Joe McCarthy, Ed Meese, and John Ashcroft
monitoring supposed subversive activities by some of the most-beloved
children's entertainment figures. What follows may be shocking, and you
may never look at your favorite cartoon characters the same way again.
We ask that children not view anymore of this web page, for sanity's
sake.
Popeye the Sailor
Case opened: 1933; Case closed: 1984
Don't ask, don't tell was around long before Bill Clinton was even
born. Although Popeye had a brief fling with Betty Boop, and soon after
became the David Gest to Olive Oyl's Liza Minnelli, J. Edgar Hoover
launched the very first investigation of a cartoon in 1933, initially
over his concern about conduct unbecoming a member of the military. His
suspicions of Popeye's personal life ignited when the spinach-eater
seemed to have more physical contact with possible "bear" Bluto than
with Olive, who would later acquire a child without the coital
assistance of Popeye. Memos of Popeye's transfers to various National
Guard units in Texas and Alabama were deemed phony, thus, a complete
record of his military service has never been compiled.
Yogi Bear and Boo-Boo
Case opened: 1958; Case closed: 1994
The Hanna-Barbera company has been closely watched since the 1950s. HB,
more than any other animation house, used the most characters with the
vaguest sexual orientation. Lots of bottomless males, clothed only in
bowties and neckties. Yogi shared a cave in Jellystone Park with his
diminutive sidekick, Boo-Boo, and, as was the case across the country
during that era, would chronically defy authority and/or "the
establishment," in this case Ranger Smith. Was Yogi's knack for
stealing pic-a-nic baskets an effort to sate his post-homosexual-sex
appetite? The FBI never found out and closed the file on Yogi following
his possible conversion to a more wholesome lifestyle in the early
Nineties as depicted in "Yogi the Easter Bear."
Snagglepuss
Case opened: 1959; Case closed: 1985
The file on another Hanna-Barbera player, Snagglepuss, is probably the
largest of any cartoon character. Snagglepuss began his career as a
sheep-stealing mountain lion in Quick Draw McGraw cartoons, and
speculation as to what he did with those sheep filled hundreds of pages
alone. He also appeared in cartoons with Augie Dogg and Doggie Daddy,
rumored to have been a wealthy older dog and his "cabana boy," as it
were. Snagglepuss' "exit, stage left" catchphrase clearly put him in
the camp of theater-folk. Secret memos confirm Hoover ordered a certain
Major Minor, from a special ops unit called The Adventure Club, to
"bag" Snagglepuss, but was always unsuccessful. Huckleberry Hound was
also under surveillance, for a period of eight years, but no sexual
relationship between he and Snagglepuss could be proven.
Tennessee Tuxedo and Chumley the Walrus
Case opened: 1963; Case closed: 1966
While Tennessee and Chumley raised alarms initially due to the
possibly-gay naked-except-for-neckwear dynamic they both shared, the
FBI showed little concern as long as they were safely behind bars at
the Megopolis Zoo, under the watchful eye of Stanley Livingston and
Phineas J. Whoopee, who used an animated chalkboard as a re-education
tool.
The Great Gazoo
Case opened: 1964; Case closed: 1966
Was the Great Gazoo the original Queer Eye to Neanderthal straight guys
Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble? This spirited little alien began
dropping in on the Stone Age clods during the last two years The
Flintstones were broadcast, constantly giving the hopeless hubbies
advice while exhibiting a certain puckish flair and a penchant for
wearing green tights. At the show's end the Great Gazoo was seen in
public no more and the file was officially closed.
Velma Dinkley
Case opened: 1969; Case closed: N/A
The red flag went up as soon as Velma and her hippie friends came on
the scene in the late 1960s. Shaggy: Clearly a stoner who had imaginary
conversations with his Great Dane, Scooby-Do. Saucy minx Daphne: A
lipstick lesbian? And neckerchief-wearing Fred: Neckerchief-wearer.
They caused quite a stir within the top ranks of the FBI. Was their
mystery-solving and crime-fighting merely a ruse to lure people into
accepting homosexuals into these hetero-dominated vocational fields?
While the file on Velma was dormant for quite some time, her recent
reappearance in a shampoo commercial with Wilma Flintstone, Jane
Jetson, and others, has prompted FBI Director Robert Mueller to
reassign four agents to her case.
---
http://www.ElmerFudd.US/ http://www.notserver.com/
Scientology crooks: http://sf.irk.ru/www/ot3/otiii-gif.html
Scientology murder: http://PerkinsTragedy.org
Improving the herd: http://www.rightard.org/
Posted by:: nikolai kingsley
Date: Thu, 17 Mar 2005 16:20:34 +1100
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> FBI files on suspected gay cartoon characters uncovered
> Popeye the Sailor
> Yogi Bear and Boo-Boo
> Snagglepuss
> Tennessee Tuxedo and Chumley the Walrus
> The Great Gazoo
> Velma Dinkley
and all this time, Bugs Bunny is sashaying around in a dress, kissing
Elmer Fudd. where the fuck was the FBI then?
Posted by:: Mike Playle
Date: Thu, 17 Mar 2005 11:43:11 GMT
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On Thu, 17 Mar 2005 16:20:34 +1100, nikolai kingsley wrote:
>
>> FBI files on suspected gay cartoon characters uncovered
>
>> Popeye the Sailor
>> Yogi Bear and Boo-Boo
>> Snagglepuss
>> Tennessee Tuxedo and Chumley the Walrus
>> The Great Gazoo
>> Velma Dinkley
>
>
> and all this time, Bugs Bunny is sashaying around in a dress, kissing
> Elmer Fudd. where the fuck was the FBI then?
Bugs Bunny is one of their many undercover agents.
Posted by:: "frater S.O.D.D.I."
Date: 17 Mar 2005 09:37:54 -0800
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Mike Playle wrote:
> > and all this time, Bugs Bunny is sashaying around in a dress,
kissing
> > Elmer Fudd. where the fuck was the FBI then?
Bugs and Jedgar attended many transvestite parties together in the late
50s, with Clyde Tolson and Yosemite Sam as their escorts.