Dear Subgenius human sexuality answer person
Posted by:: Baldin Pramer
Date: Sun, 13 Mar 2005 12:37:58 -0700
--------
I have been hearing the term "old people sex" a lot recently, and I
would like to know what it means. Can young people have old people sex
if they want?
--
Sir Baldin Pramer, R.P.A.
Posted by:: "frater S.O.D.D.I."
Date: 13 Mar 2005 13:38:33 -0800
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Nope.
You just ain't got the stamina for it.
Posted by:: Zapanaz
Date: Sun, 13 Mar 2005 14:03:37 -0800
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On Sun, 13 Mar 2005 12:37:58 -0700, Baldin Pramer
wrote:
>I have been hearing the term "old people sex" a lot recently, and I
>would like to know what it means. Can young people have old people sex
>if they want?
old people do not have sex, or if they do it's just too disgusting to
think about.
When I was younger I figured that meant that old people should not be
allowed to have sex at all, but now it is starting to dawn on me that
what it really means is that young people should be forced at gunpoint
to service older people sexually so that it is never "old people sex"
precisely. It's funny how obvious that is to me now but how I never
noticed it before.
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
Who struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury ,
Signifying nothing.
The Scottish Play. Act V, Scene V
Posted by:: "Doktor Dark"
Date: 13 Mar 2005 14:18:58 -0800
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If young people did, THAT WOULD BE A NEW WRINKLE!
HAR, HAR, HAR!!
Posted by:: "Rev. Richard Skull"
Date: 13 Mar 2005 14:43:29 -0800
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<
would like to know what it means. Can young people have old people sex
if they want? >>
Yes, under Bush's propsed Social Security Reform.
Posted by:: König Prüße, GfbAEV
Date: Sun, 13 Mar 2005 22:53:09 GMT
--------
"Rev. Richard Skull" wrote:
><
>would like to know what it means. Can young people have old people sex
>if they want? >>
>
>Yes, under Bush's propsed Social Security Reform.
>
For a preview of things to come,
get the vid, "Grannies Gone Wild!"
(bring your spork!)
Posted by:: Rev DJ Epoch
Date: 13 Mar 2005 23:15:39 GMT
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Baldin Pramer wrote in news:4234964e$1
@nntp.zianet.com:
> I have been hearing the term "old people sex" a lot recently, and I
> would like to know what it means. Can young people have old people sex
> if they want?
>
"DAMMIT KID! GET OFF MY LAWN! CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE BUMPIN' UGLIES HERE????"
Posted by:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Sun, 13 Mar 2005 16:46:15 -0700
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Baldin Pramer wrote:
>
> I have been hearing the term "old people sex"
> a lot recently, and I would like to know what
> it means.
Well, first of all, it's a lot different from what
you think of when you think of "sex".
1) Genitalia are different. First of all, penii
don't work after the age of 45. Vaginas are huge.
Teeth are often missing, which leads to a lot of
oral sex with stinky tooth sockets. Semen changes
color and consistency, so it may be green or brown
or look like tapioca. Vaginas are either dry and
sand-papery-like or ooze a substance that looks
and smells like mucilage glue. And is, in fact,
mucilage glue.
2) Stimulation is different. A woman can still
be vaginally stimulated, but only with like, a
table leg or a baseball bat with a warm-up weight
on it. Men can only be stimulated by having their
prostate massaged, which means strap-on city.
More modest couples give each other enemas a lot.
3) Expectations are far lower. Often a couple
will have their best sex as a false memory after
having forgotten to have sex the night before.
When they have what passes for sex, often it
results from, or is indistinguishable from,
urinary and bowel incontinence. After a while,
they get lazy, so just scrape off the chunks and
sleep on dirty linen.
4) Reactions are far harsher. The general public
regard any display of affection between old people
as "sex", and strongly discourage it. Even adult
children have been known to be so disgusted with
imagining their old parents having sex that they
use power of attorney to have them sent to the
"nursing home", where old people alternatively
have orgies, smoke crank, and play bingo.
Hope this clears things up for you.
--
Be Sure To Visit the 'SubGenius Reverend' Blog:
http://slackoff.blogspot.com/
***********
"Remember that it's not just paranoia.
That is just what they want you to think."
--nu-monet
Posted by:: HellPope Huey
Date: Mon, 14 Mar 2005 02:14:47 GMT
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In article <4234D0C7.2478@succeeds.com>,
"nu-monet v7.0" wrote:
> Baldin Pramer wrote:
> >
> > I have been hearing the term "old people sex"
> > a lot recently, and I would like to know what
> > it means.
>
> Well, first of all, it's a lot different from what
> you think of when you think of "sex".
> 1) Genitalia are different. First of all, penii
> don't work after the age of 45.
Geez, then I'm 5 years overdue for Big Jim and the twins to falter.
Thanks for bringing it to my attention, you FUCKER. Geez.
--
HellPope Huey ~ Creator of "Slack-A-Mole"
Darned humans:
Great on the sprint,
Lousy over the long haul
If you embrace sloth,
its the last thing you ever have to do again.
~ Wendy Wasserstein
"You know you're a workaholic
when you're so pale from sitting in the office
that people keep telling you
they loved you in 'Powder.'"
~ Dennis Miller,
"I Rant, Therefore I Am"
Posted by:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Sun, 13 Mar 2005 19:31:41 -0700
--------
HellPope Huey wrote:
>
> > 1) Genitalia are different. First of all, penii
> > don't work after the age of 45.
>
> Geez, then I'm 5 years overdue for Big Jim and the
> twins to falter. Thanks for bringing it to my attention,
> you FUCKER. Geez.
>
Nope. Sorry. Mandatory retirement age for penii.
From now on, no more work, only play.
That, and your condoms have to be pulled on extra high
and kept there with both an elastic belt and suspenders.
You can now legally purchase condoms in both tartan and
paisley.
And, you are now authorized to sit on benches and tap
your penii vigorously whenever cute wenches wiggle by.
--
Be Sure To Visit the 'SubGenius Reverend' Blog:
http://slackoff.blogspot.com/
Posted by:: HellPope Huey
Date: Mon, 14 Mar 2005 03:59:18 GMT
--------
In article <4234F78D.2C22@succeeds.com>,
"nu-monet v7.0" wrote:
> And, you are now authorized to sit on benches and tap
> your penii vigorously whenever cute wenches wiggle by.
"Hey ya little hottie, wanna see Uncle Wiggly do the Bouncin'
Bump-A-Roo?"
--
HellPope Huey
Hey Nenslo,
you said "feeble peevish tripe,"
hehhehhehhehhehheh...
"So you can see, children,
that our whole society is nothing more
than a perilous house of cards,
destined to collapse
under its own weight."
- "Invader Zim"
"How about that alien thing?"
"Don't patronize me!
I'm going to Dallas
and clear this thing up."
- "King of the Hill"
Posted by:: nenslo
Date: Mon, 14 Mar 2005 21:23:18 -0800
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Baldin Pramer wrote:
>
> I have been hearing the term "old people sex" a lot recently, and I
> would like to know what it means. Can young people have old people sex
> if they want?
>
It will certainly save them quite a lot of time.