Am I an evil super-villian or not?

From: Joe Cosby <http://joecosby.com/code/mail.pl>

Date: Mon, Jul 26, 2004 11:03 PM

http://tinyurl.com/4ffxe

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.com/
"Hey, bud, what kind of underwear do you wear? Are they magic? Hahahaha!!"

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Subject: Re: Am I an evil super-villian or not?
From: "Rev. Beergoggles" <spammers_suck@post.replies.please>

Yes, I can see a radiation warning sign reflected in his headglare.

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Subject: Re: Am I an evil super-villian or not?
From: "nu-monet v7.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

Becoming an evil super-villain isn't easy.
The best way it to first join your local
Forces of Evil (FOE) chapter. Just joining
is a discriminator, because a lot of dummies
end up with the Fraternal Order of Eagles.

Then you have to avoid any job where you wear
a brightly colored jumpsuit with a safety
helmet and carry a submachine gun. Those
guys are definitely NOT fast track. Neither
are the "pursuit" guys who drive motocycles,
jet skis, or speedboats. They don't even
let them sign up for the company health plan.

Now, the best way to get through management
is either promotion by assassination, which
has its drawbacks, or by convincing your
unter-boss that he should be in charge, which
usually results in one fewer unter-boss or,
with luck, you becoming a loyal VP in charge
of hench.

Being a henchman is a good sign, unless it's
the VP henchman in charge of advertising.
Then you are a dead man. Human life means
nothing to an ad henchman. The only thing
worse is probably marketing.

Staying close to the Special Executive is
one of the safer places to be, unless you are
in between him and someone who wants to hurt
him, or if the airship is too heavy and you've
put on a few pounds during the holidays.

Remember to be nice to the Villainness Executive
Secretary. Just a card on Villainness Executive
Secretary Day, maybe some cut flowers, and she
might forget to push that trap door button until
you've made good your departure.

Maybe sometime I will give pointers on the
difference between being just an ordinary evil
villain and an evil super-villain.

--
Herring communicate with each other
via a high-pitched, "raspberry"-like
sound emitted from their anuses.
These noises are not produced by
digestive gases.
-- from 'The New Scientist'

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Subject: Re: Am I an evil super-villian or not?
From: "iDRMRSR" <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>

Hey, maybe you could help me parlay something into a small source of income
next year after I retire.

See, the thing is, I have this lair here, the Condominium of Solitude. It's
in a fairly secret location. I have it furnished just the way I like, with
trinkets from my birth planet all over the place. I even have quite a stash
of pictures of dead people from my birth planet. With enough of my magic
elixir in me, I can sometimes imagine them walking around and talking to me.

It's got cable modem and a couple of PC's, and golly, it would make a great
place to contemplate my next action and formulate my plots and that sort of
thing. Plus, I have a bit of room in one of the closets where I could
install a modest control center.

Yeah, the only thing is, there isn't much more room in here for minions of
any sort to do my bidding. The best I could do is develop the reach of my
mind control, or possibly I could incubate a few flying creatures who could
subjugate them by implanting instruments of obedience.

I don't think the condo association would go for anything that required me
to put up a radio telescope or anything substantial like that. I could
probably put up a decent 2.4GHZ Yagi antenna (inside). As long as I don't
have to drill through a wall.

Whatever plots I hatch would have to be kind of niche plots, like say,
cornering the market on yttrium or rubidium, so that color TV's would have
all washed out reds unless the world met my demands.

I might also be able to do something with the Noble Gases. Probably all the
xenon in the world would fit under the counter next to the dishwasher.
Something like that. Nobody could have bright headlights in their premium
SUVs unless they did my bidding.

Anyhow, it's one of the things I'm looking at after I retire at the end of
this year. Whatever I choose, I will certainly have the time to work on it
without the daily grind to contend with.

[*]
-----

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Subject: Re: Am I an evil super-villian or not?
From: "nu-monet v7.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

Hmmm. Maybe you should start out by becoming a
virtual evil super-villain. That would only
require an evil web page on a super-evil web
server.

I would strongly recommend upgrading your digs,
at least virtual digs, to a Caribbean island.
Maybe with a picture and a nice map. Then, show
a representation of your thousands of minions--
that is, mostly the guys in the jumpsuits. The
easy way is to make a picture of a small one, then
use it as a wallpaper background.

Anyway, be sure to describe your super-secret evil
plots and schemes in detail, but not with enough
detail to get you arrested by the Department of
Homeland Security.

--
"I'm Secret Agent D-V-8 from the land
of Twurtle-Dee"
-- Nurtle the Turtle (as voiced
by Arnold Stang), from the movie
'Pinocchio in Outer Space'

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From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>

On Tue, 27 Jul 2004 05:54:59 -0700, nu-monet v7.0 wrote:

> I would strongly recommend upgrading your digs,
> at least virtual digs, to a Caribbean island.

Yeah, a FALSE Caribbean island that is actually a
decommissioned battle ship whose fake island scenery
FOLDS UP to expose a vast array of advanced technology
evil weapons befitting of iDRMRSR, like a Fart Gas
Plasma Beam, a Curried Rice Assault Deflection Shield,
and an Ass Pimple-tipped Missile Battery.

> Then, show
> a representation of your thousands of minions--
> that is, mostly the guys in the jumpsuits. The
> easy way is to make a picture of a small one, then
> use it as a wallpaper background.

They should be tilable. I think there's some tilable
minion shareware at download.com.

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From: "HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer" <SeventhSqueal@SlowOnTheUptake.edu>

The only thing you lack DRMRSR, is motivation, see.

All the best supervillains from evil history and evil fiction have SNAPPED!
Big time!

You just need a nasty psychic breakdown and a burdensome chip of cryptonite
on your shoulders to light a fire under your evil ass.

How will you make it on your own???
This world is awfully big
Dr. this time you're all alone...but its time you started living
It's time you let someone else do some groveling
Hate is all inside no need to waste it
You can have the world why don't you take it
You might just make it after all
You might just make it after all
HTH,
~Salacia

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From: "iDRMRSR" <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>

HdMrs. Salacia the etc:
>>You just need a nasty psychic breakdown and a burdensome chip of
cryptonite
on your shoulders to light a fire under your evil ass.

Well, I've already had one of those, thank you. The result was, I sent my
$30 to the COTSG, became a card carrying member, and spent the rest of my
days posting to these newsgroups.

That's the funniest thing about anger, you just don't know WHERE all that
energy will get channelled once it gets loose. If anything, my epiphany
didn't occur in or near an election year. Thank Bob for that.

Heh, when people ask me what I plan to do after I retire, I usually answer
that I don't know for sure, except that it will involve drinking more.

[*]
-----

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From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>

On Tue, 27 Jul 2004 14:04:47 +0000, HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer wrote:

>
> How will you make it on your own???
> This world is awfully big
> Dr. this time you're all alone...but its time you started living
> It's time you let someone else do some groveling
> Hate is all inside no need to waste it
> You can have the world why don't you take it
> You might just make it after all
> You might just make it after all

**SNAP**

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From: wbarwell <wbarwell@munnnged.mylinuxisp.com>

**Crackle**

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From: SubGenius Spice <SGSpice@WHATEVER.ziplip.com>

BACON!

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Original file name: Am I an evil super-villi#1AD957 - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05