STERNO-4; MICHAEL BOLTON-0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From: Sternodox <sternodox@aristotle.net>
Date: Sun, Oct 12, 2003

The Bog Plantation

By Rev. Sternodox

Once upon a time there was this one guy that thought the only way he
could have a decent orgasm was by jacking off after jumping out of a
jet airplane and parachuting down to earth using a parachute made out
of the skin from his own dick. But he decided to experiment first using
the skin from other people's dicks before he skinned his own dick
because he wanted to make sure it would really be a good orgasm before
he did that. So he started in putting these ads all in the newspaper
that said he wanted to hire somebody to come to his house and clean the
grout that had got stuck all in the cracks in his bathroom shower and
planned on strangling whoever answered the ad and using the skin from
that guy's dick for the parachute. So this one guy showed up because of
the ad and had two bottles of muriatic acid and a couple bottles of
Gallo wine so that he could scrub off the grout and get drunk at the
same time. But he decided to bring his cousin along, who was moderately
retarded, and who by a cosmic quirk of anachronistic synchronicity,
thought that the only way HE could get a decent orgasm was by jacking
off while jumping on a trampoline that was made out of the skin from
HIS own dick. But the retarded cousin wrote his dick-skin trampoline
fantasy down in his journal (that had shit all over it because he never
washed his hands after taking a crap and didn't use toilet paper
because he was a retard) and he accidentally left the journal in the
pool hall where this other guy (who was half Mexican) found it. The
half-Mexican guy read about the skinned dick trampoline and was totally
freaked out because he'd always known in his heart of hearts that the
only way he could ever get a completely satisfactory orgasm was by
jacking off while SCUBA diving and wearing a wetsuit made out of the
skin from HIS own dick. So the half-Mexican guy instantly became a homo
and fell in love with the retard and decided to go find him and get
married and skin both of their dicks and jack each other off while
trampoline jumping and wearing wetsuits at the same time. But the first
guy got too impatient and went ahead and skinned his own dick while the
second guy and his retarded cousin were cleaning the grout off of the
shower stall. He made a parachute out of it and got on Expedia.com and
bought a plane ticket so he could jump out of the plane. But the retard
accidentally got lost while looking for a place to take a shit and saw
the guy stuffing the dick-skin parachute into a backpack and he all of
the sudden turned into a homo and fell in love with the guy and started
shitting at the same time. But the grout-scrubbing guy went looking for
his cousin and found him in the hallway jacking off with shit all
coming out of his pants and all over the floor and he looked in the
bedroom and saw the guy who had just stuffed the dick-skin parachute
into the backpack laying on the floor where he had just bled to death
because of cutting too close to veins in his dick. Then the
half-Mexican guy pulled into the driveway to ask directions and didn't
know that the retard was in that same house by a miracle and as soon as
he saw him jacking off with shit all on his hands and all in his mouth,
he fell even more in love with him and ran over and started in
buttfucking him in the dick. But the scrubber guy was grossed out by
seeing his retarded cousin getting buttfucked in the dick by a
half-Mexican and tried to get his grout scraper out of his pocket to
kill the guy but he had a heart attack and died just when he got the
grout scraper half way out of his pocket. But the Gallo wine had
radioactive isotopes in it and it brought the guy back to life as a
zombie and he ran over and killed the half-Mexican guy. Then he
accidentally became a homo and asked his retarded cousin to marry him
and explained that they could buttfuck each other and eat the skin from
the two dead guys' dicks and live happily ever after. But the retard
got some of the isotopes all in his eyes and it went into his brain and
turned him into a genius that was eighty trillion dozen times smarter
than Einstein, Jesus and Hitler all put together. But just then the
doorbell rang and it was two girl scouts selling girl scout cookies and
the zombie homo and the retard homo thought that the girl scouts were
real good looking and wanted to buttfuck them both to death after
stuffing dick skin up their assholes but then they realized that they
were homos and couldn't fuck girls even if it was in the butt. But the
retard was so smart that, without using a calculator or even pencil and
paper, he figured out that if the girl's assholes were lined with dick
skin then it would be SORT of a homo thing to do and they voted on it
and decided to do it but the girl scouts ran out the front door and so
the zombie and the retard ended up eating all the dick skins and even
ate the dicks from the first guy and the Mexican but they didn't know
that eating dicks without the skins was poisonous to zombies and the
zombie came back to life because of it and was so completely horrified
by what he'd done that he ran out the front door and got in the
half-Mexican's car and peeled out of the driveway in a complete daze
and ran over the girl scouts and killed them and got arrested for
man-slaughter and was sent to prison for two life sentences and his
cell mate was a homo that made condoms out of sandpaper soaked in lemon
juice and buttfucked the guy in the dick, mouth and anus every ten
minutes for his entire sentence.

The End

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From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)

Sternodox <sternodox@aristotle.net> wrote:
> Once upon a time there was this one guy that thought the only way he
> could have a decent orgasm was by jacking off after jumping out of a
> jet airplane and parachuting down to earth using a parachute made out
> of the skin from his own dick. ...........but the girl scouts ran out the front door and so
> the zombie and the retard ended up eating all the dick skins and even
> ate the dicks from the first guy and the Mexican but they didn't know
> that eating dicks without the skins was poisonous to zombies and the
> zombie came back to life because of it and was so completely horrified
> by what he'd done that he ran out the front door and got in the
> half-Mexican's car and peeled out of the driveway in a complete daze
> and ran over the girl scouts and killed them and got arrested for
> man-slaughter and was sent to prison for two life sentences and his
> cell mate was a homo that made condoms out of sandpaper soaked in lemon
> juice and buttfucked the guy in the dick, mouth and anus every ten
> minutes for his entire sentence.

Goddamned Mexicans, always nuthin' but trouble. Why, they can't even
buttfuck a guy in the DICK properly, much less shinny their assholes
up a dumptruck's exhaust and blow a load back up the system so hard it
makes the driver fly into a giant lesbian's knothole and knock her up
so she can squirt out a DECENT homo zombie. You can't count on NOBODY
no more.

HellPope Huey
I was kinda hoping to live like a gentleman at one point,
but that idea is pretty well trashed,
so what the hell, go with what you know.
No point in changing horses in mid-debauch.

Springfield Men's Shelter: We add God to your misery.
- "The Simpsons"

Every SubGenius brain IS a chemical weapons facility;
some are just more facile at producing the goods than others.
- HellPope Huey, Boy HellPope

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

Sternodox wrote:
> So he started in putting these ads all in the newspaper
> that said he wanted to hire somebody to come to his house and clean the
> grout that had got stuck all in the cracks in his bathroom shower...
> ...he could scrub off the grout...

This appears to imply that the object was to REMOVE the grout, i.e.
clean the grout OFF OF the shower. Actually grout is a sealer which
is placed between the tiles to render it waterproof. The damp
environment of a shower or bathroom, along with the effluvia and
residue of bathing, often provides a growth medium for molds and
mildews, and it is this which must be cleaned OFF OF THE GROUT, not
the grout itself which must be removed. UNLESS the object is to
re-grout the tiles, in which case the old grout should be removed.
However, no reference was made to re-grouting, leading to some
confusion over the author's meaning. It is to be hoped that this will
be clarified in future editions of this publication.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: KRONOS <null@void.com>

I think he meant scrub off the grout in the sense of beat off your
dick. One doesn't actually remove ones dick when one is beating off,
one merely engages in a vigorous...scrubbing like action.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

Possibly... but the statement that the grout "had got stuck all in the
cracks in his bathroom shower" is still confusing to me. Grout
doesn't really "get stuck in the cracks," since it is placed there
deliberately as an essential part of the tiling process. One might
equally well speak of the tiles that had got stuck all over the wall
of his shower.

You can be as "artistic" as you want to be when you are talking about
dick skin trampolines, but when you get to grout you better know what
you are talking about.

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Original file name: STERNO-4; MICHAEL BO#191742.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05