STERNO'S OTHER NEW STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From: KILLME@killme.com (Rev. Sternodox)
Date: Tue, Jul 29, 2003

Braided Nut Paste Sedan

by Rev. Sternodox

There was this one fucked up guy who was not only fucked up in the head
naturally but was also usually fucked up on sniffing gasoline and carpet
cleaner and shoe sole glue too. Not only that but he usually huffed paint
thinner out of a Dr. Pepper can and shot up Mogan David grape wine and
smoked nutmeg mixed with cayenne pepper too. Plus he usually drank about a
quart of Everclear mixed with peach pop first thing in the morning after
he snorted about fifty grams of ground up Contact Capsules (just the red
ones). One day he wanted to know what it would be like to take a real
sharp knife, dip it in battery acid and cut his own dick off. But he was
paranoid that it would really hurt bad so he went out and bought a couple
bags of crack and a handful of bootleg Mexican Quaaludes and a packet of
Jimson Weed and a film canister full of old Morning Glory seeds and a
gallon of Vodka and a quart of Peppermint Schnapps and some clove
cigarettes and took them all at once. But once he got to really tripping
on all that shit, he changed his mind and decided to cut off everyone
else's dick instead. So he got everybody who wasn't a girl or a
preoperative transvestite or real faggy looking and lined them all up and
tied their hands behind their back after he had drugged them so they
couldn't wake up and he got this, like, garden pruning machine that was
out in the shed and he took it over to the first guy who was snoring and
had shit his pants and he pulled his pants down and placed the hydraulic
cutting portion of the pruning device around that guy's dick and he
pressed on the lever with his foot and it went *schtup* real loud and cut
the guy's dick off. Then he went to the next guy who was also passed out
but sort of waking up and pulled that guy's pants down and put the thing
on his dick and pressed the lever and it cut his dick off too. Then he got
to the third guy who was just really starting to be awake enough to scream
real loud when his dick got cut off which totally woke up the guy next to
him (the fourth guy) which caused enough of a commotion that every one of
the guys who was still alive and tied up and hadn't bled to death started
begging the crazy guy to not cut off their dicks. But the guy was so
stoked on being fucked up on all the stuff he took and on cutting
somebody's dick off that he just ignored them and went on down the line
cutting their dicks off. By 10:30 that night he had cut off the dicks of
10,453 people and decided to get some rest. So he went to sleep and got up
the next morning and worked all day long and cut off the dicks of 22,539
more guys because he did some real strong coke and a couple grams of crank
and some espresso and got going real fast. He kept it up for a few weeks
and had cut off over 600,000,000 guy's dicks and decided to go on a
vacation. When he got back he started cutting off more dicks again and
worked all summer, through the fall and by mid-winter had cut off the
dicks of close to three and a half billion guys. Pretty soon the guy
started to come down off all the shit he was doing and realized that there
was only one guy left who had a dick except him. So he ran over and cut
that guy's dick off too and then he could fuck any girl in the world. But
then he took too much meth and couldn't get a hard on and couldn't fuck
them and he got depressed and committed suicide on account of not being
able to fuck a girl any more.

The End

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Original file name: STERNO'S OTHER NEW S#192F11.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05