STERNO'S NEW PARABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From: KILLME@killme.com (Rev. Sternodox)
Date: Fri, Aug 8, 2003

Frontal Assault in Allegro Bastard

by Rev. Sternodox

Once upon a time there was this god of all the Egyptians called Ra, who
always liked to get his asshole reamed out by the god of all the Vikings,
who was named Wotan. One day, while Wotan was forthrightly plunging his
massive, iron-studded blue-veined throbber into Ra's horribly distended
rectal repository, a new kid came by and his name was Jehovah. Now Jehovah
had never seen parochial buttfucking before and he stopped to watch.
Suddenly, the Jews started a massive exodus from Egypt and this pissed
Wotan off, who started throwing giant, lightning bolt-shaped turds at the
Jews, who had just acquired anti-aircraft artillery because of a time
warp. But this one Jew was trying to become a fag but he was the one that
was ordered to be captain of the first cannon and blast Wotan from the
air. Just after he pushed the red button and the first giant nuclear
missile took off toward the celestial buggering, the Jew who was the
captain of that cannon decided to become a Catholic instead of a homo and
started worshipping the Pope, who was really Satan, according to this
other guy that wasn't a fag and that lived in California but used to have
a cult in Arkansas. Just then Satan appeared and he brought Hitler back to
life from the future and had him holding up the sky like in that book of
Greek Mythology by that one guy. So then Jesus comes by and asks Hitler if
he has a Chesterfield that he could smoke and Hitler asks Jesus to hold up
the sky so he can look in his pocket for one and Jesus decides to hire
these Mormons (some of whom turn out to be fags) to hold it up instead of
him doing it. Just then this god that nobody ever heard of or even
worshipped showed up in this giant bottle of Jamaican Rum Creme that he
had turned into a dick-shaped hot rod by magic. This new god's name was
Zxxqqqqqlna and he was a billion light years tall and suddenly jerked
Wotan's dick out of Ra's asshole and bit it in two and swallowed half of
it. Then Buddha started jacking off a donkey into Jayne Mansfield's face
and they were in a Corvette that suddenly lost control of its brakes and
went over the cliff and they died, but Jayne Mansfield bit off Buddha's
dick before they died and Zxxqqqqlna cracked up and spit Wotan's half of a
dick back out and it turned into this giant army of creatures that were
really dicks that shot out laser beams instead of cum. So then Jesus
teamed up with Hitler and they turned their dicks into giant Luger machine
pistols that shot out their own shit in the shape of armor-piercing,
hollow-point bullets. But this one guy who wasn't really dead, but had a
funeral and was buried in a grave, but was really a zombie and he could
give himself a blowjob, was in his grave and had his rotting, worm-riddled
dick in his own mouth and was giving himself a blowjob, which he had done
about a million times since that was all there was to do in that coffin
and he had been buried there four hundred years ago. So he just kept
sucking on his own knob and since all his teeth were rotted out it felt
pretty good. So he finally got to where he was ready to cum all in his own
mouth and then he couldn't because his dick all of the sudden came off
right in his own hand and didn't work any more. So the zombie who was
buried in that coffin couldn't give himself a blowjob anymore and got real
depressed but he couldn't kill himself because he was already dead. But he
just decided to keep his dick that fell off in his mouth just for old
time's sake and so he was rotting and a zombie and smelled horrible but he
kept pretending that he was giving himself a blowjob.

The End

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From: "Dunter Powries" <fech.redcap@spedlins>

I'm looking for a word for 'prolific' which also means 'horror' and 'dread'
and 'putrefying genitals.'

Dunter Powries,
Human Sacrifice

--
"For the first time ever, everything is in place for the Battle of
Armageddon and the Second Coming of Christ."
-Ronald W. Reagan

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: subspecies23@aol.comyourmom (SubSpecies23)

<< according to this
other guy that wasn't a fag and that lived in California but used to have
a cult in Arkansas. >>

Janor?

<< So then Jesus
teamed up with Hitler and >>

We need more stories about Jesus teaming up with Hitler. I'd read every one of
them.

--
Beware! The Paranoids are watching you!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)

The ones where JANOR teamed up with JESUS are the real killers. Janor
held everyones attention with his ranting while Jesus walked across a
lake to steal burgers and rubbers. They used to breakdance in unison,
too. It as wild. They did a "Who's On First?" variant that was banned
in 5 southern states. Some of it was about dicks & church ladies went
apeshit when their drunk hubbies came home spouting poorly-remembered
lines from it.
They had a killer act going until Janor lost his shit and started
claiming that he invented the Bible, so Jesus gave up on him. A list
of SubGs who lost it utterly and went apostate would skitter down the
street like a roll of unfurled toilet paper. Only the strong or the
DEEPLY insane survive. Pay attention, you goddamned roaches.

"Never mind 'fuck you," I say NUKE YOU and stop wasting your
nit-picking time with mere insults and guns!"
- HellPope Me, 'BOOM!" rant

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
I have B'obligations, so I AM trying harder

I base most of my fashion sense on whether or not it itches.
- Gilda Radner

"Perhaps it was something I said?"
"Perhaps it is EVERYTHING you say."
- "Babylon 5"

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From: subspecies23@aol.comyourmom (SubSpecies23)

This post just made me have an orgasm.

<< The ones where JANOR teamed up with JESUS are the real killers. Janor
held everyones attention with his ranting while Jesus walked across a
lake to steal burgers and rubbers. They used to breakdance in unison,
too. It as wild. They did a "Who's On First?" variant that was banned
in 5 southern states. Some of it was about dicks & church ladies went
apeshit when their drunk hubbies came home spouting poorly-remembered
lines from it.
They had a killer act going until Janor lost his shit and started
claiming that he invented the Bible, so Jesus gave up on him. A list
of SubGs who lost it utterly and went apostate would skitter down the
street like a roll of unfurled toilet paper. Only the strong or the
DEEPLY insane survive. Pay attention, you goddamned roaches. >>

--
Beware! The Paranoids are watching you!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)

Homo.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
Dazzled by the girl with kaleidoscope thighs

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.'
I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
- Tom Lehrer, lecturing in "The Nature of Math"

"Oh, sorry, this is 'Abuse.'"
- Monty Python

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Original file name: STERNO'S NEW PARABLE#191740.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05