STERNO'S FIRST NOVEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From: KILLME@killme.com (Rev. Sternodox)
Date: Mon, Aug 4, 2003

The Battle of the World

by Rev. Sternodox

Once upon a time there was this one captain in the army and he said that
he would of killed Adolf Hitler if they would of let him. But the generals
and the president and the king said that they had spent all the money on
the giant navy and army that would land on the beach and end the war and
that they couldn't waste all that money by already killing Hitler and not
doing it. So the captain decided to go to Paraguay where there was this
cult that figured out how to bring a demon out of where all the demons
were and they sat around in the big circle and did a chant and threw some
of the herbs on the fire and did a chant some more and then the demon
showed up but in the wrong place. That demon didn't show up in the right
circle but instead showed up in this taxi that was in Montana. The taxi
driver didn't see the demon at first but the people in the back seat who
were fucking but they weren't married did but only just before the demon
landed on them and weighed twenty hundred pounds and they suffocated under
him. But then the cab driver had a major heart stroke and died and the car
lost control. But over in Germany where Hitler was, his men who were
torturing these retarded Mexicans found out that when they put the hot
poker on them that shit came out of their butts. So they put all the shit
in a bucket and saved it for Hitler to put on the tray. Then the
garbageman came accidently and put it in the truck and went to Belgium.
But the demon invaded a giant factory where they all built the other trays
that they put the cheese on and stuff and the factory burnt down because
of it and the cafes and stuff couldn't serve the cheese trays any more and
went out of business. But this one cafe owner liked to have sex with a
sewer rat and the neighbors saw it and called the police and they took him
to jail but he escaped and went to Singapore and was a spy. But the spy
equipment they gave him didn't work and he was injured when he put up a
plastic shower curtain to hide him when he fucked a pidgeon. Just then a
retarded shower curtain installer walked in and took the guy who was
fucking the pidgeon and put his head in a vice and squeezed it till the
guy was screaming in horrible agony and then the retard took eighty
hundred razor blades and jammed them into the guy's asshole one at a time
and took one of the razor blades and slowly peeled the skin back from the
guy's forehead just until it didn't kill him and he got a slit in the skin
and the retard was fucking the guy in the slit in the skin in his head.
Then the police came in but they were perverts and started jacking off at
the retard fucking this guy's slit in his skin while his head was in the
vice. Then they got close to where they were cumming and they walk over to
the retard and they squirt all on the guy's head and their cum turned into
sulfuric acid by magic and it melted the retard's dick off but it turned
into a giant magical dick with warts on it that had organic fish-hooks all
on it and it kept going in and out of the wound on the poor guy who's head
was in the vice. Then the dick turned into a giant chainsaw that had lemon
juice and paper cut stuff and acid and piss on the blades and it was still
fucking the guy in the wound in his head that was starting to get festered
and maggots were all in it. Then the huge magical dick turned into five
dicks: One of them had sixty-thousand hundred doberman pinscher dicks all
on it with nails instead of cum. The second one had a mutant lobster
growing out of it that clamped on the guy whose head was in the vice on
his balls and squeezed. The third one only squirted out giant retarded
Mexicans who had rabies and who all buttfucked the poor guy. The fourth
one was really made out of a zillion other dicks that had lice on them and
also ticks and maggot shit. The fifth one was also in another dimension at
the same time was fucking all kinds of different people who all had their
heads in vices by magic. But just then the second one turned into the
fifth one by mistake so it stopped fucking everybody except the one guy
who's head was in the vice. Then the first and second one turned into
eight more dicks and they all had warts on them that leaked raccoon sperm
onto the floor that was magic and turned into a bleeding rectum that was
worshipped as a god in this other dimension where none of the dicks were
fucking anything. But the guy's head was starting to swell up in the vice
and the pressure was becoming unendurable to him and so was the pain. But
all the other dicks studded themselves with iron spikes that were rusty
and covered with rodent shit and they all started competition to see which
one was going to fuck the wound in the guy's head the most. But the head
wound ripped and tore and hurt real bad so more of the metallic, spiked
and infected dicks could fuck it. They just kept fucking that guy in the
head over and over again for all eternity. Suddenly one of the dicks
stopped fucking the guy in the head wound for a second but started right
back up doing it again after a minute. Then almost half of the dicks
started to cum, but they came shit instead of cum and it increased the
guy's discomfort immensely to be covered all in stinky shit while being
head fucked by dozens and dozens (if not thousands) of demonic dicks. Then
a couple thousand MORE dicks showed up, some of which were endowed with
red hot anvils instead of glanses and they simultaneously began fucking
the guy's wound, hurting him even more. One of the dicks that had the
anvil instead of the glans split in two and each half sprouted a computer
program that somehow animated all the factories in Nazi Germany to start
producing these giant bionic dicks that each had thousands of separate
torture devices attached to them and they were all air-lifed, one by one,
to where the guy had his head in a vice and they stood in line to fuck him
in the head wound. Meanwhile some of the dicks who were waiting to fuck
the guy's head wound were standing around smoking cigarettes and talking
about stuff and then the whistle blew and they had to put out the
cigarettes and go in and fuck the guy in the head some more. But some of
the dicks started running out of energy and the guy noticed that there was
some relief in part of his head where a few of the dicks had stopped
fucking him in it, but then a whole load of brand new dick batteries were
brought and installed and the dicks that had stopped started fucking him
in the head wound again even harder and faster than before because of the
new batteries. But then one of the guards who was watching on the monitors
noticed that a couple of the dicks (the ones with brillo pads instead of
glans) had snuck away to the bathroom to fuck each other and the guard
told on them and they had to come back to start fucking the guy's head
wound some more. Then suddenly all the matter in the universe coalesced
into one giant dick and fucked the guy for a couple of weeks until the
energy build up caused a critical mass and the giant universe dick
exploded and turned into over SIXTY BILLION still fairly large dicks that
all had lesions all over them that leaked every disease known to man out
of them. Then this one real tiny dick was fucking the guy and he couldn't
even feel that one because of all the giant dicks that were fucking him in
the head, that somebody noticed that he couldn't feel that little tiny
dick and they turned it into the biggest dick yet by magic. Then some of
the dicks got injected with speed and started fucking him in the head READ
FAST until it all hurt so bad that the guy started screaming and vomiting.
But all the dicks just scarfed up the vomit and mixed it with their acid
cum and squirted all over the guy in his head wound again. And this went
on for the rest of the guy's life and to all his kids and neighbors too.

The End

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From: subspecies23@aol.comyourmom (SubSpecies23)

That was the weirdest story yet.

--
Beware! The Paranoids are watching you!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "nikolai kingsley" <nikolai@broadway.net.au>

dude, you should either print this out yourself or get someone to make a
book out of it. i'm visualising 24-point type using Comic Sans. something a
little like a colouring book.

maybe if the text was all in capitals. yeah.

nikolai
---
actually printing out the stuff you write and making
extremely limited edition books can be kinda fun.

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Original file name: STERNO'S FIRST NOVEL#191747.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05