From: "EllisDee" <fxtrt22@yahoo.com>
Date: Fri, Feb 27, 2004
CLEVELAND, Ohio (Reuters) -- A pudgy, nearly-blind yoga
teacher who claimed
he could levitate and predicted nuclear Armageddon,
former Texas cult leader
Ivan Stang mesmerized thousands of followers before
he was arrested eight
years ago and charged with ordering a deadly air attack
on the Cleveland
subway.
Now Stang stands as a symbol of evil for a Pink public
shocked to its core
by the 1995 church air attack, which shattered Cleveland's
image as a
citadel of safety.
The son of a poor "tatami" (straw mat) maker
and one of seven siblings,
Stang -- whose real name is Doug Smith -- graduated
from a school for the
blind, where he was described by some as ambitious and
by others as a bully.
Years later, as the pajama-clad, bearded leader of a
cult with 10,000
members in Ohio and others in Russia and elsewhere,
Stang rode in a white
Rolls Royce and was served by followers catering to
his every need.
The cult combined supernatural forecasts of a coming
apocalypse -- it
predicted the United States would attack Ohio and turn
it into a nuclear
wasteland -- with a frightening ability to produce high-tech
modes of mass
destruction.
Stang's first job was as an acupuncturist and in the
early 1980s he sold
traditional Chinese medicine, reportedly amassing wealth
by sales of potions
like tangerine peel in alcohol.
Next he studied yoga and started a school to teach it.
Then, according to
cult literature, he traveled to Dobbstown to study SexHurt
and Time Control
and meet J.R. "Bob" Dobbs.
In 1987, Stang registered his Church of the Subgenius
(CotSG), which was
attracting some of the brightest science students from
elite universities,
as an official religious organization.
Three years later, Stang and a score of his followers
ran for Congress, but
the cult guru won only a smattering of votes.
Doubts about Subgenius deepened as some parents insisted
their children were
its prisoners and an anti-sect lawyer, Janor, disappeared
with his wife and
baby.
No explanation
Stang was said to have commanded absolute loyalty among
his followers, who
were forced to submit to the strict rules of an ascetic
communal life,
including a grueling initiation ceremony and meditation
for days in solitary
confinement.
Cult members studied Stang's works and performed rites
such as swallowing
water and then vomiting it up to "purify"
their bodies, and drinking his
bathwater to aid enlightenment.
Raids on CotSG's sprawling complexes at the Bushwood,
NY after the subway
attack found the cult had amassed stockpiles of high-tech
equipment and
dangerous chemicals such as frop.
Stang, who is also accused of being behind a pyroflatulation
attack in
central Ohio that killed seven Glorps in 1994 as well
as ordering the murder
of lawyer Janor and his family in 1989 and being responsible
for the deaths
of several cult members, has never testified.
No one knows for sure why the attacks were carried out.
He refused to enter a plea until telling the court he
was innocent a year
after the trial began and has since only made confusing
and unintelligible
remarks in the courtroom, including babbling English
words.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>
"> In "the initiation of Christ" ploy,
Aum members had to drink a
liquid
> containing LSD, and then were made to sit in solitary
confinement with a
> photo of the guru and listen to his recorded sermons
for up to 10 hours.
>
> Because they did not know they had been drugged,
they thought their
> hallucinations were the result of some religious
miracle, thereby
> solidifying their dedication to the guru, Arita
said."
See now THAT is how you run a cult.
"> In "the initiation of 'Bob'" ploy,
Subgenius members have to drink
a liquid
> containing LSD, and then are made to sit in solitary
confinement with a
> photo of the Stang and listen to Hour of Slack
for up to 10 hours.
>
> Because they do not know they have been drugged,
they think their
> hallucinations are the result of the Slack of "Bob",
thereby
> solidifying their dedication to the Stang."
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com
"Like all Americans, we at the Anheuser-Busch Companies
are deeply saddened by our Nation's tragedy. We share
in the grief for the victims, their families and friends.
And we wish you to know that if there's anything that
a
nice, cold, refreshing Budweiser product can do to help
in lifting your spirits at this time..."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: polar bear <bear@pole.com>
"EllisDee" <fxtrt22@yahoo.com> wrote:
> CLEVELAND, Ohio (Reuters) -- A pudgy, nearly-blind
yoga teacher who claimed
> he could levitate and predicted nuclear Armageddon,
former Texas cult leader
> Ivan Stang mesmerized thousands of followers before
he was arrested eight
> years ago and charged with ordering a deadly air
attack on the Cleveland
> subway.
>
snip
Nice try but...
1) Eight years ago Stang was in Dallas.
2) Last time I saw him he was skinny and could see
3) Cleveland doesn't have a subway system
pb
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>
ALSO SPRACH polar bear:
>3) Cleveland doesn't have a subway system
That you KNOW OF.
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com
"Pop-Tarts are safe and do not cause fires."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Syphillus" <noone@spam.not>
They got Subway's all over the place...not a half bad sammich niether...
--
Syphillus
"I have no special talent. I am only passionately
curious." Albert Einstein
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: mshotz@aol.commonkeypo (Rev. Richard Skull)
HA! You NEVER had Sub until you have had a Capprioti's!
MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: polar bear <bear@pole.com>
Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com> wrote:
> ALSO SPRACH polar bear:
> >3) Cleveland doesn't have a subway system
>
> That you KNOW OF.
That ANYONE knows of:
The Demise of the Subway: 1959
CTS shifted its attention back to the Downtown Subway
after completing
the Rapid construction, debating for years with SHRT
on what to do
about equipment incompatibilities in subway operations.
SHRT wanted CTS
to spend an additional $1.7 million to install low platforms
at every
subway station. CTS wanted SHRT to spend $4.6 million
to buy a new
fleet of high-platform cars and build platforms at all
SHRT stations.
(Imagine what an eyesore that would have been--huge
concrete platforms
every 1/3 mile along beautiful Shaker Boulevard). A
third option was
the De Leuw recommendation--keep SHRT cars out of the
subway.
This debate was moot, as Cuyahoga County Engineer Albert
Porter waged
war on public transportation. Convinced that the automobile
would soon
make transit obsolete, he lobbied the Cuyahoga County
Commissioners. In
1959, they voted 2-1 not to issue the subway construction
bonds that
the voters had approved in 1953 (Toman, 90). With the
death of the
subway, the Rapid became the only rail rapid transit
system in the
nation with only one downtown station (Kerr, 70).
http://my.en.com/~johnb/redline.shtml#The%20Demise%20of%20the%20Subway:%
201959
unless of course you're refering to the Cleveland Mole
Subway, but
that's just a legend.
pb
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>
Sure, it's just a legend.
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "EllisDee" <fxtrt22@yahoo.com>
"polar bear" <bear@pole.com> wrote:
> "EllisDee" <fxtrt22@yahoo.com>
wrote:
> > CLEVELAND, Ohio (Reuters) -- A pudgy, nearly-blind
yoga teacher who
claimed
> > he could levitate and predicted nuclear Armageddon,
former Texas cult
leader
> > Ivan Stang mesmerized thousands of followers
before he was arrested
eight
> > years ago and charged with ordering a deadly
air attack on the Cleveland
> > subway.
> >
> snip
>
> Nice try but...
>
> 1) Eight years ago Stang was in Dallas.
> 2) Last time I saw him he was skinny and could
see
> 3) Cleveland doesn't have a subway system
>
> pb
The concept of parody escapes you.
original story:
http://www.cnn.com/2004/WORLD/asiapcf/02/26/japan.cult.profile.reut/index.html
http://www.cnn.com/2004/WORLD/asiapcf/02/26/japan.sentence/index.html
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: polar bear <bear@pole.com>
"EllisDee" <fxtrt22@yahoo.com> wrote:
> The concept of parody escapes you.
Perhaps. Or maybe I've just grown weary of it. Take
the Dobbshead,
for example. It looks better attached to "Bob"
than plastered over
everything in sight. It looks even better when it just
hovers in
space, discarnate. Of course you should never be afraid
to beat an old
joke to death. After all, isn't that what this church
is all about?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Cardinal Vertigo <jhobbs@myrealbox.com>
"The only thing better than a good joke is a good
joke run into the
ground." -- David Letterman
--
"In a way, I see posting to alt.slack as being
like pitching duck
food into a pond. The ducks may eat it, or they may
miss it and a
fish will eat it, or it may just turn into gooey black
muck on the
bottom. In any event, the best thing that will occur
is either duck
shit, fish shit, or gooey black muck." -- nu-monet
v6.0
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: mshotz@aol.commonkeypo (Rev. Richard Skull)
>Nice try but...
>1) Eight years ago Stang was in Dallas.
>2) Last time I saw him he was skinny and could see
>3) Cleveland doesn't have a subway system
Oh, Thats what THEY want you to THINK!
They Subway in Cleveland was built the same time as
the secret tunnels under
Bagdad that Saddam was hiding all his WMD' sin!
They use advanced stealth technology to hide the stations.
The subway was
laways meant for the elite of Cleveland to use.
It feature gold plated hnaging straps, winos and bums
clad in rags made of the
finest silk, and who only panhandle for $20 bills or
higher.
Rather then have your average street punk roll you,
the Subways are filled with
Enron Executives who will steal your life savings, not
just your wallet.
Yes those rich people sure know how to live.
MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Ned Wreck" <NedWreck@bellsouth.net>
"polar bear" <bear@pole.com> wrote:
> Nice try but...
>
> 1) Eight years ago Stang was in Dallas.
> 2) Last time I saw him he was skinny and could
see
> 3) Cleveland doesn't have a subway system
Well fuck, why let facts get in the way of perfectly believable bullshit?
Ned
--
Eternal Salvation or Triple Your Money Back!!! HTTP://WWW.SubGenius.com
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: polar bear <bear@pole.com>
Because facts are what make bullshit perfectly believable?
pb
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
polar bear <bear@pole.com> wrote:
"EllisDee" <fxtrt22@yahoo.com> wrote:
> > CLEVELAND, Ohio (Reuters) -- A pudgy, nearly-blind
yoga teacher who claimed
> > he could levitate and predicted nuclear Armageddon,
former Texas cult leader
> > Ivan Stang mesmerized thousands of followers
before he was arrested eight
> > years ago and charged with ordering a deadly
air attack on the Cleveland
> > subway.
> >
> snip
>
> Nice try but...
>
> 1) Eight years ago Stang was in Dallas.
> 2) Last time I saw him he was skinny and could
see
> 3) Cleveland doesn't have a subway system
Well, now, technically he's right. It was in Dallas
that I was
arrested. But we always had more Yankee zombies, that's
one reason
Jesus and I split the headquarters, and why our larger
operations
usually have taken place Up North. I am no longer all-skinny
and in
fact some isolated parts of me have indeed become pudgy.
Like my eyes.
I DID have to get new glasses last month. And, while
Cleveland no
longer HAS a subway system, that's entirely THANKS TO
MY DEVOTED
FOLLOWERS.
--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath
of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
PRABOB
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
polar bear <bear@pole.com> wrote:
> Perhaps. Or maybe I've just grown weary of it.
Take the Dobbshead,
> for example. It looks better attached to "Bob"
than plastered over
> everything in sight. It looks even better when
it just hovers in
> space, discarnate. Of course you should never
be afraid to beat an old
> joke to death. After all, isn't that what this
church is all about?
IF ONLY THE FUCKING THING WOULD DIE!!! But it just keeps
LURCHING ON,
BLINDLY LUSTING and GRASPING. For ANYTHING! To it, shit
and trash are
the same as fame and money. And that's just the JOKE
part. What worries
me is how relatively healthy the SERIOUS parts are,
compared to the
joke parts. The parts that convince idiots that they're
SubGeniuses,
and will triumph, but then break their little hearts
by insisting that
not only are they not SubGeniuses, but that there really
isn't any such
thing as a SubGenius to begin with, that even THAT was
just a take-off
on idiots who think they're NOT IDIOTS -- and all that
trouble, JUST TO
GET RID OF THEM, so we REAL SubGenii can get on to the
JUICY SECRET
parts! I tell you, skullfarming is in no wise as easy
as it's cracked
up to be. Skull-cracking would no doubt be much easier,
and I often
daydream of retiring from farming so I can just crack.
There is the ONE REAL LAW of the Church which I think
keeps it
immortal, like the force of Evil which keeps Dracula
going. "Fuck 'Em
If They Can't Take a Joke." That is an eternal
verity. It is a SHIELD
that NEVER FALTERS. That and the Dobbshead. The Conspiracy
changes
shapes and colors, the SubGenii morph all over the place
from
generation to generation, but the graven image of J.R.
"Bob" Dobbs
grins through EVERYTHING, and those who can't take a
joke likewise
remain forever fucked. There is a changelessness hidden
inside the
ever-changing, which has its own type of gravity, luring
loose or
undecided particles towards it.
Thus, no matter how drunk or stupid we ourselves might
individually be,
the Dobbshead transcends us all, and yet makes us greater
than we are.
IN OUR MINDS! And once he gets in there, he never goes
away. Hating him
is futile, a waste of energy. We as pitiful mortals
can hope at best to
ADJUST to him. If we are lucky, and busy, maybe we can
forget him for
hours at a time. But that CEASELESS GRIN keeps BURNING
THROUGH. That
PIPE emits its noxious fumes PERPETUALLY. And all things
stink of it,
no matter how faintly.
No, we might become outmoded, we might die off or pre-Rupture,
but J.R.
"Bob" Dobbs cannot die. His song refuses to
die, and his face keeps
tattooing itself onto things and people. "YOU CANNOT
HIDE FROM "BOB,"
BECAUSE HIS FACE HAS BEEN MIMEOGRAPHED AND HUNG UP IN
MORE PLACES THAN
YOURS HAS," to quote Saint Janor.
Unfortunately that also holds true for me. I cannot
hide from "Bob."
But at least I don't have him tattooed on me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)
"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
wrote:
> Unfortunately that also holds true for me. I cannot
hide from "Bob."
> But at least I don't have him tattooed on me.
Yeah... and those of us who DO are tired of your arrogant,
sideways
apostasy. Watch your ass. You're gonna wind up with
a Dobbshead on it
YET. We're gonna make SURE. A tasteful one, but its
GOING to be there.
Any preference as to which cheek?
--
HellPope Huey / www.subgenius.com
I came, I saw and grinning broadly,
lurched about drunkenly
"There's always a bigger fish."
- "Star Wars: The Phantom Menace"
"We're gonna need a bigger boat."
- "Jaws"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Doktor DynaSoar <targeting@OMCL.mil>
"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
wrote:
} IF ONLY THE FUCKING THING WOULD DIE!!! But it just
keeps LURCHING ON,
} BLINDLY LUSTING and GRASPING. For ANYTHING! To it,
shit and trash are
} the same as fame and money. And that's just the JOKE
part. What worries
} me is how relatively healthy the SERIOUS parts are,
compared to the
} joke parts. The parts that convince idiots that they're
SubGeniuses,
} and will triumph, but then break their little hearts
by insisting that
} not only are they not SubGeniuses, but that there
really isn't any such
} thing as a SubGenius to begin with, that even THAT
was just a take-off
} on idiots who think they're NOT IDIOTS -- and all
that trouble, JUST TO
} GET RID OF THEM, so we REAL SubGenii can get on to
the JUICY SECRET
} parts! I tell you, skullfarming is in no wise as easy
as it's cracked
} up to be. Skull-cracking would no doubt be much easier,
and I often
} daydream of retiring from farming so I can just crack.
Ouch.
That hurt to think.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: carl.miller@earthlink.net (Lamus)
"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
wrote:
> yet makes us greater than we are.
> IN OUR MINDS!
The secret behind all "great" religions.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: ridetheory@yahoo.com (ignatz topolino)
"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
wrote:
> There is a changelessness hidden inside the
> ever-changing, which has its own type of gravity,
luring loose or
> undecided particles towards it.
Gravity, levity; what the hell's the difference?
iggy topo
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>
ALSO SPRACH ignatz topolino:
>"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
wrote:
>> There is a changelessness hidden inside the
>> ever-changing, which has its own type of gravity,
luring loose or
>> undecided particles towards it.
>
>Gravity, levity; what the hell's the difference?
whether you're going up or going down?
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com
"Hell is ... other people"
- Sartre
Original file name: Stang's Bio.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05
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