Happy Thursday to Stang

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subNOSPUMgenius.com>
Date: Sun, Dec 28, 2003

iDRMRSR <idrmrsr@subgenius.com> wrote:
> Glad to see you flew through the terrist thicket and arrived in Tejas OK.
> Even though, you're prolly right in the midst of a Mad Cow epidemic about to
> be discovered.

I'm beginning to have my suspicions about some of these cows my brother
herds around. A couple of them have taken to wearing turbans and one of
them was caught trying to set her hoof on fire with a Bic lighter on
the way to the slaughterhouse. No one has been able to figure that out.
But the inspectors just branded her Grade A and passed her right on
into the chute with the others.

> Sad to see that you are getting to the near zero sum game of
> Xistlessmass which I am now even way below of. It all begins when you
> discover that everybody in the shrunken family circle is SO adult, that you
> exchange equal amounts of $$$ as "gifts" instead of hard goods. Goes down
> from there, too.

It hasn't gotten that bad yet. We all give each other Chocolate
Oranges. That seems so much less COLD than just exchanging twenty
dollar bills.

> Until, it becomes just like for me HAPPY THURSDAY. Little Mister Sister had
> a tragic fall at school last Friday and lost a couple front teeth, and he's
> all sutures and plasters after having an emergency root canal on the one
> that looks like it's still gonna stay there. Took the patina off things a
> bit. He's doing just fine, though, better than I would be, but I've gotta
> keep him on a soft diet cuz I know he can't chew hard stuff even though he
> doesn't.

Oh jeeziz, what an Xmas present. As if the kid didn't already have
enough problems. Although, sometimes I wonder if he isn't better off,
not knowing something we do know. I can sympathize about the two front
teeth because when I was about his age, what, 13 or so, I took a stupid
misstep on the monkey bars and fell about 5 feet, landing teeth-first
on some metal bars, chipping my two front teeth down to about
half-length. (They've been repaired since.) I remember it vividly... it
was the first of several times that I've experienced that horror of
discovering that one of your body parts is no longer there, and that it
AIN'T gonna be magically re-attached. BOY, I HATE THAT FEELING OF
LOSING A BODY PART FOR GOOD. In fact, even as I type this with one
hand, I'm hanging on to my foreskin for dear life.

> To prove that I am free of the bonds of the season, I decided to go down the
> street to the Kosher place and buy myself some SUPER chopped liver. Place
> was really crowded, cuz, it's Thursday, they are closed tomorrow and
> Saturday, so lucky they were open to feed the people that don't believe
> quite as we.
>
> Kinda odd to find a SUPERMARKET absolutely WIDE OPEN a couple blocks away!
> Damn good chopped liver, BTW, and since it was frozen, I think it came from
> beef livers harvested in The Time Before Mad Cow, so probably is safe. I'll
> have to commit the taste of beef to memory, I suppose, and thus that makes
> This Thursday special in some way.

Wei and I wandered into that store recently. We felt like Astronaut
Taylor on the Planet of the Jews. Reminded me of the Supermercado
Boracho back in my old Dallas neighborhood, only with OPPOSITE SMELLS.

> Not wanting to disrespect anyone, as I paid my bill for the beef ice cream,
> I wished them all a Happy Thursday just like LeMur would of.

Speaking of, Mister F. LeMur is back in Denver where the job pickin's
are easier for him, and he has pals. His haunted computer is still at
my house, though. I think I'm supposed to exorcise it before I ship it
back but to tell the truth, I don't even know how to start. I guess I
could sprinkle Guru PeE on it in lieu of Holy Water but I'm afraid it
would just be a waste of perfectly good Guru PeE, which I hear is
getting harder and harder to squeeze out.

We had this nice quiet Xmas Day but then on Friday and Saturday, all
the former Stang grandkids, now grown college students and workers,
arrived. THERE WAS NOT ONE MINUTE WHEN THIS COMPUTER OF MY MOM'S WAS
NOT BEING USED BY SOMEBODY. In previous years it was only me or my son
who were using the thing. This time, EVERYONE BUT MY MOM were at the
damn thing, lined up like hawgs at a trough. (And it's my mom's
computer.) At one point it had 2 Mac laptops networked to it by the
buttplugs.

Heard this line from my dad:
"He's so bowlegged he could hem up a hog in a ditch."

And now, because I'm sure nobody but my friends has read this far down,
here's the website of MY TEENAGED NEPHEW and his buddies:

http://www.geocities.com/shipjo2006/pinkbandits

This is the website of 4 teenage boys who live in a small Texas town.

It is of a remarkably "redneck SubGenius"-like nature although its
makers are not SubGeniuses, YET, and it is NOT for SubGenii who are
partial to Chevys or Dodges. In fact, if you drive a Chevy, you
probably should not look at this website.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>

Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
(Whether I qualify as a friend of yours is debatable, but I did get
this far none the less)

> And now, because I'm sure nobody but my friends has read this far down,
> here's the website of MY TEENAGED NEPHEW and his buddies:
>
> http://www.geocities.com/shipjo2006/pinkbandits
>
> This is the website of 4 teenage boys who live in a small Texas town.

One thing I noticed was that there are supposedly 15 Pink Bandits, but
as of the time that I visited the page there were only 14 hits. Excluding
my hit from the total indicates that two of the Pink Bandits have not
yet visited THEIR OWN WEB PAGE! I accuse these two Pink Bandits of SHIRKING!
What sort of loyalty is THIS?!? Where is their esprit de corps! These "Pink
Bandits" need to be FERRETED OUT AND EXPELLED!!

I was also disappointed that the explanation of the reason for forming the
Pink Bandits was cut short. The page ended with ''WE STARTED THE PINK
BANDITS AT GRANBURY WALMART BECAUSE SOME MEAN OLD BITCH WOULDN'T LET US
BUY ARMY OF DARKNESS. WE WERE LIKE, "OK, BUT WE WE'LL BUY THESE PINK...''
and it ended there! Was the author assassinated by a rouge Air Ninja before
he could finish the page?!!?

We may never know!

--
"There cannot possibly be a god in heaven watching all of this calmly."
-- Revi Shankar

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
> And now, because I'm sure nobody but my friends has read this far down,
> here's the website of MY TEENAGED NEPHEW and his buddies:
>
> http://www.geocities.com/shipjo2006/pinkbandits
>
> This is the website of 4 teenage boys who live in a small Texas town.
>
> It is of a remarkably "redneck SubGenius"-like nature although its
> makers are not SubGeniuses, YET, and it is NOT for SubGenii who are
> partial to Chevys or Dodges. In fact, if you drive a Chevy, you
> probably should not look at this website.

Well hell if you're going to drive a beanermobile you might as well
buy yourself a great big virgin mary t-shirt, some dingleballs to hang
around the windshield, and a cassette of circus music to blast out the windows.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: mshotz@aol.commonkeypo (Rev. Richard Skull)

>"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
>> And now, because I'm sure nobody but my friends has read this far down,
>> here's the website of MY TEENAGED NEPHEW and his buddies:
>>
>> http://www.geocities.com/shipjo2006/pinkbandits
>>
>> This is the website of 4 teenage boys who live in a small Texas town.
>>
>> It is of a remarkably "redneck SubGenius"-like nature although its
>> makers are not SubGeniuses, YET, and it is NOT for SubGenii who are
>> partial to Chevys or Dodges. In fact, if you drive a Chevy, you
>> probably should not look at this website.
>
>Well hell if you're going to drive a beanermobile you might as well
>buy yourself a great big virgin mary t-shirt, some dingleballs to hang
>around the windshield, and a cassette of circus music to blast out the
>windows.

Don't forget the airshocks to make it jump up & down!

How times have changed! When I was living in Texas, any white kid who drove on
of the those pimped up cars was surely dis-owned by his family!

Texas youth used to run those type cars off the the road and beat up its
occupants!

By the way Stang, which one of them was your nephew?

MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subNOSPUMgenius.com> wrote:
> BOY, I HATE THAT FEELING OF
> LOSING A BODY PART FOR GOOD.

Yeah.... I heard a little pop behind my right ear one day, then
another. Since then, I've had absolutely no remaining ability to
either process algebra or chow down on corporate middle-manager cock.
These have both cost me and cost me DEARLY at times, but all in all, I
think I'm better off for it. Maybe it helped. The slightest tip in the
wrong direction and I could have been one HELL of a Hinckley or a Ted
K. No, "Bob" is better, despite the disquieting smells.

HellPope Huey
Huey Back-Hair Ear Muffs:
when the minks are all dead in your area

A person reveals his character
by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.
- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

"PAIN IS THE CLEANSER! PAIN IS THE CLEANSER!"
- Ned Flanders

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Original file name: Re- Happy Thursday to Stang.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05