BWAAAHAHAHAAAA LOOK AT STANG!!!

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Date: Sun, May 11, 2003

Rev. Magdalen <magdalen@subgenius.com> wrote:
> Seriously dudes, you guys NEED the new "As they see "Bob"" VCD set!!!
> We are watching it right now! You can't BELIEVE how young Stang is in
> this footage! He looks like he's about nineteen! So do all the other
> Old Doktors. And you should see the CROWDS at the devivals! OH and
> there's this great shot of CNN looking all crappy and early-eighties.
> YOU NEED TO SEE THIS, if only so that you can confront Sterno some day
> and say, "Hey Sterno, what was WITH that HAIR back in the eighties????"

The really horrible thing about this collection is that it's
chronological, from 1980 to 1999. So, if you fast-forward through the
DVD, on which fast-forward looks like a fast slide show, you
essentially get a kind of crude time-lapse of us aging, especially me,
since I'm on camera second most next to "Bob." "Bob" DOESN'T age in the
SLIGHTEST, of course.

I tell you, it's horrific to see a time-lapse movie of yourself aging
20 years. Especially if, when the sequence ends, you look REALLY OLD,
and THAT LAST PICTURE was taken FOUR YEARS AGO.

I have another reel of even older footage that is too horrible and
stupid for anyone to see, ever, I have decided. What's so horrible is
knowing how UGLY I THOUGHT I was back then, at age 17, while seeing how
ACTUALLY CUTE I WAS. God damn, what waste can be caused by low self
esteem. The moral of the story truly is, "Fuck 'em if they can't take a
joke." I should have been DROWNING in perfect plumper pussy at that
age, but I was PARALYZED by FEAR, and couldn't just be myself around
girls. Always trying to be cool. As if I had any vestige of a clue. I
know that this same nightmare is even now being re-enacted hideously in
the lives of lonely nerd boys and girls, alt.slack-over, and it just
breaks my heart, because it's so needless, yet so very typical and
common. If our X-Day Drills can continue to serve that secondary
purpose of matching clumsy awkward nerd boys up with clumsy awkward
nerd girls, or, whatever, vice-vera or whatnot, or even just simply
give the REALLY isolated ones that ONE TINY MICROSCOPIC LAST-SECOND
SHRED of HOPE that SOMEDAY it MIGHT HAPPEN, "TRUE LOVE," a True Yeti
Mate, well.... Satan will be all the more pleased when their hopes are
finally dashed.

Just kidding. I have actually seen the unlayable get laid at these
things... well I HEARD about it after the fact, really -- so maybe it's
not ALL just a big gyp.

There is a second existing later-day time-lapse video, starring you
young "90s SubGenii." "X Daze 1996-1998" has video of the first 3
X-days packed into 7 minutes, and "XXX-Days 99-00" is a video
slide-show of still photos (with loosely appropriate St. N and El Queso
musics). For various strange reasons I do not have these side by side
on the DVD. But if you skip through these in fast-play, you get to
watch certain X-Day regulars age, or in some cases swell up and then
shrink down again, or vice versa -- Modemac, Susie the Floozie, Jesus,
Legume, Evangela, you... lotta people... Nickie... Ah yes. Mmmm.
Yesssss.

Where was I.

Oh yeah, well, anyway, you'll see what I mean. It's uncanny.

For various reasons I have started delving into boxes of stuff of mine
from HIGH SCHOOL that I have not looked at in 25 years.

Take my word for this -- when you're nigh on to 50 and do this, it is
FUCKING WEIRD. Among the more joltingly altered states of consciousness
I have ever experienced. I'm talking about photos, notes, diaries, old
screenplays, old movies, tapes, etc. Just holding the FILE FOLDERS and
BOXES brings back floods of memories, including banished ones, but then
actually VIEWING the MOVIES -- Jeepers the Fuck, it is shocking and
wonderful. The really SHOCKING part is HOW RECENT it ALL seems. Life is
SHORT, god damn it. Actually I must say I'm glad I started looking
through this old stuff because it was a great recharge to almost
depleted memories, and it helps put life in general in perspective, so
everything doesn't seem, you know, UTTERLY CRAZY. When you step back
and look at the big picture, you can kind of see how most of it makes
sense, and that's reassuring. At least, in my case it has been. Proving
only that I must have honed my own personal system of craziness,
excuses and denial into a dependable working method. SO FAR! Pride
cometh just before a fall, they say. Well, I'm only proud of my total
lack of vanity.

That's a joke.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com> wrote:
> "Rev. Nickie" wrote:
> > What do you mean, "swell up"? Oh, right.
> >
> Yeah, he means when you GOT SO FAT.

No, I meant when everybody I mentioned got so fat or so skinny and then
went back again. They all did over that 5 year period. Some started fat
and got skinny and then fat again; some the other way around. Actually
I could have thrown in even more names, but those were the most
noticeable weight-fluctuators on the videos that I had been
fast-forwarding through.

Medium-Fat is my favorite, generally, and Nickie Deathchick at
Medium-Fat Size is just about PERFECT, at least for photography and
gawking, in my view. As long as she's not my employee, I can say that
kind of thing.

My own wife was medium fat before I married her. But, OF COURSE, the
MINUTE we were married, she TRIMMED DOWN to normal weight. #@$%#^^#$@!!

*"Figures."*

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

Rev. Nickie <nickie@subgenius.com> wrote:
> Heh. Well, you're in luck, because I'm smaller than I was in 1996, but
> larger than I was in 2001. I was well underweight that year. Anyway, I
> just got back from the Dr., and I've just lost 3 more pounds, so I'm on
> the shrinking side of things again. It's a bitch keeping a wardrobe, I'll
> tell you that.

Show Us Your Tits

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Original file name: Re- BWAAAHAHAHAAAA L#1AD09B.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05