Novocaine Wearing Off

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>
Date: Fri, Mar 5, 2004

I wish it would hurry and wear off because until it does, I DAST NOT
EAT, lest I chew my upper lip.

There's this nice gap between my two front teeth. I can shoot a stream
of water 30 feet through that thing. But on the OUTER sides of those
two front teeth, WEIRD GROOVES had dug themselves, by magic, and were
trapping food, and growing sensitive. I don't pay much attention to
clothes or hair, but TEETH, now that's different. So I went and got
some little fillings done. Didn't hurt a bit, not even the novocaine
shots.

But the god damned novocaine has my upper lip and NOSE feeling VERY
VERY WEIRD. Very very VERY weird.

Can't tell if the nose is DRIPPING or not. ("It'snot!") Mustache feels
like a walrun mustache, huge and thick. Touching the mustache only
makes the UPPER EDGES OF THE TOP OF MY NOSE TICKLE. As if there's NO
FRONT TEETH, no GUMS, nothing there at all. Tongue is there... lower
lip... cheeks... in fact THOSE parts are starting to feel a mite
BRUISED now from where the doc manhandled them during his drilling and
packing.

When I was 8, they yanked out FOUR of my permanent teeth in one day.
(To make room so the GAP in front could grow!) My whole mouth was so
numb I couldn't believe it. My little brother didn't believe it either.
To prove to my brother that I wasn't lying, I stuck my tongue out and
then CHEWED ON IT REAL REAL HARD... "See? Can't feel a thing."

Chewed it up like HAMBURGER. Family still makes fun of me to this day.

So now I am sitting here typing this, and waiting for the novocaine to
wear off, because I am FUCKING HUNGRY NOW, and not for ME-TONGUE.

That's all I wanted to say. If I actually say it out loud it'll sound
like So naw I an si-ing here tyting nis, an ai-ing or uh no-ocaie oo
aire ah, ecau I an UCKING HUNGRY NGOW, an ot or E-ONGUE.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com> wrote:
> But the god damned novocaine has my upper lip and NOSE feeling VERY
> VERY WEIRD. Very very VERY weird.

They have every right to experience the same thing so well-known to
our parietal lobes, that glow of the Weird. If we were not "weird," we
would be "good family stock" and that would be TRAGIC, so revel in
your numb nose, be ONE with the nose, so that it may recognize the
blessing of being attached to the Oneness of Dobbs' Sacred Idiocy.

> So now I am sitting here typing this, and waiting for the novocaine to
> wear off, because I am FUCKING HUNGRY NOW, and not for ME-TONGUE.
> That's all I wanted to say. If I actually say it out loud it'll sound
> like So naw I an si-ing here tyting nis, an ai-ing or uh no-ocaie oo
> aire ah, ecau I an UCKING HUNGRY NGOW, an ot or E-ONGUE.

BANANA PUDDING FOR MR. STANG!! Where there's a weird, there's a way.

HellPope Huey
Lordy, I'm so tired of sitting here,
I feel like running down the street nude
and yelling "LOCUSTS!! LOCUSTS!!!"

Rev. Onan says the world needs a Pope Huey CD.
I say it needs a 400 degree mineral oil enema.
- H-Pee Huey

"You are an oratorical snob."
"Yes and God loves me for it."
- "The West Wing"

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Original file name: Novocaine Wearing Off.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05