From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>
Date: Fri, Mar 5, 2004
Here's my theory, and early results are bearing it out.
A whole lot of SubGeniuses sorta halfway kinda wanted
to buy an ARISE
DVD but will put it off forever.
So I announce that a good copy is FREE FREE FREE on
this Usenet
newsgroup. And it is. It's free, it's a good copy, and
it's made and
posted in exactly the same standard way that MOST internet
movie piracy
is done. (It happens in this one case not to be piracy
since it's the
producer/owner himself who's bootlegging it!)
BUT -- 99% of SubGeniuses (and people also) have never
downloaded a
movie from Usenet. In fact, 80% don't know what Usenet
IS, and of the
ones that do, most of them stick to text newsgroups
like alt.slack,
which can be read through a common browser (albeit in
a difficult
fashion).
They might download MP3s of pop songs, and naked pictures,
but that's
mostly done through browsers too, or file sharing.
So they hear ARISE is now FREE and their interest is
perked. In fact,
the more they think about it, and hear about it, the
more they want it.
And it's FREE and, as Stang says, HUMAN BABIES are downloading
movied
from Usenet all the time and BRAGGING about how easy
it is.
So they embark on their first attempt to download a movie.
MAYBE they have a "shiny thumb" and new computer
skills come easily to
them, and they already had a DSL broadband line, and
their ISP happens
to ALREADY CARRY alt.binaries.monter-movies. Maybe.
Then they get
their free movie and everything's keen, in fact, they
now can get TONS
of free movies. (And they'll soon find that Internet
copies are not the
best way to see a movie, but they are often the ONLY
way to see MANY
movies and incredible shorts.)
But PROBABLY they first find that when they click on
my link to
alt.binaries.monter-movies, they're told "this
newsgroup is not
available" by their browser. Or they get to it,
but what they're seeing
through Netscape is a JUMBLED MESS of THOUSANDS of individual
posts
full of baffling numbers. Or, they already have Agent
or Thoth or some
newsreader program, and they can download the movie,
and it doesn't
even take that long, but it comes in as 12 RAR files
instead of a
movie! So they have to figure out how to turn the RAR
files into the
movie (WinRAR or StuffIt Expander). Or some RARs are
incomplete so they
have to use the PAR program (MacPar or fsraid).
FINALLY they have the movie and they click on it and
their movie viewer
says it can play the soundtrack but no picture (or vice
versa) because
the movie viewer needs some exotic "codec".
So they download the codec (DivX, say) and it installs
itself just fine
and they can watch the movie!
OR -- and this is the real key to my PLAN -- they go,
"HOLY FUCKING
SHIT!! This is WAY too much troubl,e for a movie that
ONLY PLAYS ON MY
COMPUTER! Maybe I'll just spend the fucking $20 and
SAVE A FEW DAYS'
WORK!"
Certainly ONE NOBLE SUBGENIUS could download the movie
and then send
CD-R copies to all his friends. Chances are half those
friends won't be
able to play those CD-Rs for one reason or another.
(Most DVD players
DON'T play avis and many don't play CERTAIN VCDs or
SVCDs.)
So my fond hope is, I'll actually sell more copies by giving them away.
An even fonder hope is that several people will find
that this
"downloading movies and everything god damn else"
from Usenet is JUST
GREAT, and they'll thank me (and nu-monet) for dragging
them, kicking
and screaming, into the Internet's PAST -- USENET. Which
really is
still like the lawless Wild West. And then they too
will eventually
become participants instead of just spectators.
Some people prefer file sharing, but they'll all be
in the
concentration camps starting TOMORROW AT NOON.
--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath
of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
PRABOB
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "nu-monet v6.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
> Here's my theory, and early results are
> bearing it out...
>
> ...99% of SubGeniuses...have never downloaded a
> movie from Usenet.
>
> In fact, 80% don't know what Usenet IS, and of
> the ones that do, most of them stick to text
> newsgroups like alt.slack, which can be read
> through a common browser (albeit in a difficult
> fashion).
75% have discovered their genitalia, so they are
busy.
63.5% are still living with their parent(s), and
have the same esteem as the family pet.
58.2% use Preparation H. improperly.
37% regularly eat weird and unhealthy foods as
part of a failed fad diet.
16% really want the world to end so the pain will
stop.
11% are actively stalking Reverend Stang.
3% believe anything they read on USENET.
--
"It's like the Roman Empire. Wasn't everybody
running around just covered with syphilis?
And then it was destroyed by the volcano."
--Joan Collins
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Selfs Layer <SelfsLayer@spam-me-not-autobot.cod>
damn! he's onto me!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: bobdiddley@aol.com (Bobdiddley)
nu monet one-upped Stang as follows:
>75% have discovered their genitalia, so they are
>busy.
>
>63.5% are still living with their parent(s), and
>have the same esteem as the family pet.
>
>58.2% use Preparation H. improperly.
>
>37% regularly eat weird and unhealthy foods as
>part of a failed fad diet.
>
>16% really want the world to end so the pain will
>stop.
>
>11% are actively stalking Reverend Stang.
>
>3% believe anything they read on USENET.
>
Larf? We larfed, did my mate and I, for this was funny
enough.
=================================================
"When I grow up, I want to be a has-been."
- Dobbs Biddley
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)
"nu-monet v6.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
wrote:
> 75% have discovered their genitalia, so they are
> busy.
> 63.5% are still living with their parent(s), and
> have the same esteem as the family pet.
> 58.2% use Preparation H. improperly.
> 37% regularly eat weird and unhealthy foods as
> part of a failed fad diet.
> 16% really want the world to end so the pain will
stop.
> 11% are actively stalking Reverend Stang.
> 3% believe anything they read on USENET.
Exactly TWO are black, but will never reveal themselves
at ALL
because "Bob" is INCREDIBLY WHITE and they
are utterly mortified to
have any interest in the Church whatsoever. Plus they
are afraid of
Legume.
I soon expect to see an interactive, downloadable Stang
that responds
only to insults and physcial assaults, at which point
the number of
actual stalkers will drop to about 3% because the rest
will be too
fascinated by the holographic Scribe. Talk about your
online
masturbators! WUGGA WUGGA WUGGA!!
--
HellPope Huey
The Church of the Subgenius a RELIGION?
I thought we were an unruly gang
who was too poor to afford motorcycles
Anybody remotely interesting is mad,
in some way or another.
- "Doctor Who"
You kids today have it easy.
When I was a kid everything was HUGE.
My dad was nearly four times bigger than me.
You couldn't even see the tops of counters...
Then gradually everything became smaller
until it was the manageable size it is today.
- Bizarro
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Doktor DynaSoar <targeting@OMCL.mil>
"nu-monet v6.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
wrote:
} 58.2% use Preparation H. improperly.
I've always wondered what happened to the people who
volunteered for
the clinical trials for Preperation A though G.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Selfs Layer <SelfsLayer@spam-me-not-autobot.cod>
"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>
quipped and warbled and generally
subthunked:
>An even fonder hope is that several people will
find that this
>"downloading movies and everything god damn
else" from Usenet is JUST
>GREAT, and they'll thank me (and nu-monet) for dragging
them, kicking
>and screaming, into the Internet's PAST -- USENET.
Which really is
>still like the lawless Wild West. And then they
too will eventually
>become participants instead of just spectators.
Hey, did I ever mention that a.b.s. is the ONLY reason
I started
wading through the enormous amount of work just to download
awesome
(if not whacky) SubGenius mp3's and vids, and I thank
you thank you
thank you for finally giving me a reason to find out
where the Usenet
Oracle of my teenage years came from? It in itself,
although gaily
proliferous (or something), was not sufficient reason,
but now I found
a way to interact with Al Yal from first L.A. then London
then France,
where there's only one other SubGenius I know, and he
hasn't sent his
$30 to "Bob" yet.... As Jack Frost sings,
"It's lonely being one of a
kiiiiiiiiind, etc ect ad infinicum"
ummm, did I mention thanks?
Selfs Layer the not-quite-so-unwashed-as-Fang-but-pretty-damn-close
http://www.reflectionsdivide.com
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Klyf Fenderson <blargh3TURNIP@lycos.com>
Rev. Ivan Stang <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com> heard
voices:
> Here's my theory, and early results are bearing
it out.
>
> A whole lot of SubGeniuses sorta halfway kinda
wanted to buy an ARISE
> DVD but will put it off forever.
>
> So I announce that a good copy is FREE FREE FREE
on this Usenet
> newsgroup. And it is. It's free, it's a good copy,
and it's made and
> posted in exactly the same standard way that MOST
internet movie piracy
> is done. (It happens in this one case not to be
piracy since it's the
> producer/owner himself who's bootlegging it!)
>
> BUT -- 99% of SubGeniuses (and people also) have
never downloaded a
> movie from Usenet. In fact, 80% don't know what
Usenet IS, and of the
> ones that do, most of them stick to text newsgroups
like alt.slack,
> which can be read through a common browser (albeit
in a difficult
> fashion).
And some of us are on lame servers that don't give us
enough daily
bandwidth.
--
Rev. Klyf S""-M257 the Not-Quite-Sane Fenderson
== Remove "TURNIP" when replying ==
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All your base are belong to us.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>
No. ALL of us are on lame servers.
Some of us ALSO rent bandwidth on SPECIAL servers like Giganews.
My actual Net account is on apk.net. They provide nice
DSL service.
Their NEWSGROUP selection is FOR SHIT, like the selection
of EVERY
regular ISP. (Though I have always gotten my ISPs to
carry ngs I wanted
-- BY ASKING THEM TO -- they still get uneven coverage.)
For newsgroups
I have an account with Giganews (I used to use Newsguy
but Giga seemed
faster). which costs me $25 a month or so if I download
16 gigs of
stuff, or $6 a month if I download just a few movies
or, uh, "games".
So altogether I spend upwards of $70/month on Internet
connection and
Usenet. (SubSITE is on a commercial server and is a
whole different
expense, starting at $150/mo base rate. But it's a 3-gig
website with
8,000 visitors a day.) I'm sure many of you spend a
lot more than that
on gasoline. (I spend a lot LESS on gas -- because I
get everything
over the Internet!). But this goofy shit is my BUSINESS,
such as it is.
So for me it's a relatively small biz expense considering
what I get
back from it.
I am an unusual case however because I LOVE to TINKER
and learn new
programs. I am a real geek who is entranced by the tools
and the tools
that were used to make the tools. It's not just an
artsy fartsy or
religious attraction. It's not even the porno. It's
the TOOL-USING that
gives me the biggest kick.
Last night, Wei and I started learning a MUSIC MAKING
program called
GARAGE BAND. The doktor music we made is too horrible
to post EVEN ON
A.B.S. (although I might anyway) but by gobbs, just
seeing how it's
done was a gas.
What we made sounds like an entire room full of drunks
with VERY
EXPENSIVE MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS. But it only took about
half an hour and
no real drunks were injured in the making of it.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: chip@pobox.com (Chip Salzenberg)
According to stang@subgeniusNOSPUMMY.com:
>Some of us ALSO rent bandwidth on SPECIAL servers
like Giganews.
Or on Easynews.
Now Easynews has NNTP, which is no big deal ... in fact
it's a small
deal because their NNTP service is kind of spotty.
But Easynews has
one thing the others don't:
* They decode the binaries and put them on web pages for you. *
To get ARISE! I didn't have to download hundreds of
Usenet articles
and piece them together into 60 rar files, I downloaded
those 60 rar
files in a nice convenient .zip file that Easynews built
on the spot.
Select, Download, Unzip, Unrar, Enjoy. Kind of like
sex, except for
the download and unrar.
--
Chip Salzenberg - a.k.a. - <chip@pobox.com>
"It furthers one to have somewhere to
go."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Selfs Layer <SelfsLayer@spam-me-not-autobot.cod>
chip@pobox.com (Chip Salzenberg)
quipped and warbled and generally subthunked:
>Select, Download, Unzip, Unrar, Enjoy. Kind of
like sex, except for
>the download and unrar.
Damn man! You forgot the header surcharge!
- Saigneur Selfs Layer, KKP, the dude at the door who
acts really poor
(and who wouldn't know you if you stuck a firecracker
up his bum on Bastille Day)
Le Pape of all Fried Freedom and Little Pink Panty Inspector
http://www.reflectionsdivide.com
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Bob Q. McSqueedelyspooch" <sony@is.theantichrist>
"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com> wrote:
> Klyf Fenderson <blargh3TURNIP@lycos.com>
wrote:
>> > BUT -- 99% of SubGeniuses (and people
also) have never downloaded a
>> > movie from Usenet. In fact, 80% don't
know what Usenet IS, and of
the
>> > ones that do, most of them stick to text
newsgroups like alt.slack,
>> > which can be read through a common browser
(albeit in a difficult
>> > fashion).
>>
>> And some of us are on lame servers that don't
give us enough daily
>> bandwidth.
>
> No. ALL of us are on lame servers.
>
> Some of us ALSO rent bandwidth on SPECIAL servers
like Giganews.
>
> My actual Net account is on apk.net. They provide
nice DSL service.
> Their NEWSGROUP selection is FOR SHIT, like the
selection of EVERY
> regular ISP. (Though I have always gotten my ISPs
to carry ngs I wanted
> -- BY ASKING THEM TO -- they still get uneven coverage.)
For newsgroups
> I have an account with Giganews (I used to use
Newsguy but Giga seemed
> faster). which costs me $25 a month or so if I
download 16 gigs of
> stuff, or $6 a month if I download just a few movies
or, uh, "games".
>
> So altogether I spend upwards of $70/month on Internet
connection and
> Usenet. (SubSITE is on a commercial server and
is a whole different
> expense, starting at $150/mo base rate. But it's
a 3-gig website with
> 8,000 visitors a day.) I'm sure many of you spend
a lot more than that
> on gasoline. (I spend a lot LESS on gas -- because
I get everything
> over the Internet!). But this goofy shit is my
BUSINESS, such as it is.
> So for me it's a relatively small biz expense considering
what I get
> back from it.
>
> I am an unusual case however because I LOVE to
TINKER and learn new
> programs. I am a real geek who is entranced by
the tools and the tools
> that were used to make the tools. It's not just
an artsy fartsy or
> religious attraction. It's not even the porno.
It's the TOOL-USING that
> gives me the biggest kick.
>
> Last night, Wei and I started learning a MUSIC
MAKING program called
> GARAGE BAND. The doktor music we made is too horrible
to post EVEN ON
> A.B.S. (although I might anyway) but by gobbs,
just seeing how it's
> done was a gas.
>
> What we made sounds like an entire room full of
drunks with VERY
> EXPENSIVE MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS. But it only took
about half an hour and
> no real drunks were injured in the making of it.
me like tool users
now where my genetalia ?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: rhymeswith@starmail.com (C. Woolard)
"nu-monet v6.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
wrote;
>
> You can purchase software?
No you can purchase the *right to use* the software,
subject to the
dictatorial whims of the copyright holder. Never mind
you have the
disc in your hands right now. It's not yours.
This is on a good day, of course. Quite often I've seen
licensing
agreements that basically prevent you form using the
software for
anything even remotely resembling its intended purpose.
--
Life for Rent.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: nenslo <nenslo@yahoox.com>
"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
> So my fond hope is, I'll actually sell more copies
by giving them away.
You're one of those guys who elected Bush by voting for someone else.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>
Yeah, nenslo, that's what everybody thinks, keep believing
it. Bush
got elected because of who people VOTED FOR. Keep dreaming,
puppet
boy.
Politicians are owned by the most powerful forces on
earth, big money.
They dwarf the greatest empires in history in their
power and
influence. The whole election process and our puppet
government is AN
ILLUSION created for the SOLE purpose of preventing
violence by the
poor against the rich. Nothing else matters. When
was the last time
ANYTHING the government did bore any real resemblence
to the mandate
or will of the people? We are USED to our government
doing whatever
they feel like and fuck us if we don't like it. It's
become
synonymous with patriotism to NOT question the government,
to do what
they say, PURELY BECAUSE they say it. Democracy DOESN'T
WORK except
that letting people BELIEVE they are "free"
and self-ruling supresses
the natural human urge to KILL the ruling class when
they piss us off.
You think ANYBODY elected Bush? You think it MATTERS
who voted for
who?
So tell me, what exactly happens to your vote after
you cast it? How
do you KNOW that the election results they finally announce
have
anything to do with what people actually voted for across
the country?
All you know is that THEY (the same THEY who you are
theoretically
voting for or against) let you stand in a little machine
and pull a
lever and then THEY tell you who voted for who. THEY
control the
whole process! Does it make ANY SENSE that since THEY
control the
whole process, that they would not use it in their BEST
INTEREST?
So fuck it! Vote for Nader! Vote for Bush! Vote for
Kerry! Vote
for "Bob"! Vote for your cat! Because the
election PROCESS will do
what it was designed to do, it will fulfill the functions
which those
who run it intend it to. And if you think the most
powerful forces in
human history are going to spend millions of dollars
to make sure that
the person who some half-educated auto mechanic in Boise
Idaho thinks
will be the best ruler of the country becomes the ruler
of the
country, you are ON DRUGS. What kind of an idiotic
way to run a
corporation would THAT be?
The only purpose the election process serves is so when
the government
does something next year which completely fails to serve
the interest
of that mechanic in Idaho, rather than getting PISSED
and blowing up a
government building with a fertilizer bomb, he will
shrug his
shoulders in his oil-stained coveralls and say "well,
we elected them,
after all" and go to bed with a stomachache about
how bad everything
is, but hating HIMSELF rather than THEM.
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com
BLOW ME, OR BLOW ME UP!
- ICEKNIFE
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Dick Hertz (Hey, who's Dick Hertz?)" <me@example.com>
nu-monet v6.0 wrote:
> Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
>
>>Here's my theory, and early results are
>>bearing it out...
>>
>>...99% of SubGeniuses...have never downloaded
a
>>movie from Usenet.
>>
>>In fact, 80% don't know what Usenet IS, and
of
>>the ones that do, most of them stick to text
>>newsgroups like alt.slack, which can be read
>>through a common browser (albeit in a difficult
>>fashion).
>>
> 75% have discovered their genitalia, so they are
> busy.
>
> 63.5% are still living with their parent(s), and
> have the same esteem as the family pet.
>
> 58.2% use Preparation H. improperly.
>
> 37% regularly eat weird and unhealthy foods as
> part of a failed fad diet.
>
> 16% really want the world to end so the pain will
> stop.
>
> 11% are actively stalking Reverend Stang.
>
> 3% believe anything they read on USENET.
>
And 2.4% have an unhealthy obsession with statistics.
Original file name: My Theory About Post#1AD096.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05
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