Memorial Day Contrastiness

From: Mammy <mammy@NOSPAM-toast.net>
Date: Tue, May 27, 2003

I, Stang, got me a dose of some for-real down-home Americanania today.

Being Down Home on the Range at the Stang Ranch is not actually all
that Americana-ey, although it has been extremely for-real lately,
which is why I'm here and not in Cleveland Heights. There is a Back 40
and acres of cacti and a herd of cattle and all like that. Even horses
and hay baling machines. There was a buzzard eating a dead rattlesnake
in the road leading to my folks' house this morning. However, it isn't
far from a small town, and the small town is only half an hour from a
medium sized town, which is only 40 minutes from Fort Worth. It ain't
exactly "Deliverance" land. Not where the Stang compound place is.

But there are outlying villages, remote poebucker encampments,
moonshiner caves and hillbilly cowfucker murderer cabins only 20
minutes deeper into Darkest Texas. Seriously -- hillbilly COW-FUCKING
MURDERERS. The kind that pray, and believe in God, and prefer to fuck
freshly killed cows instead of live ones when possible, because "then
it probably doesn't hurt them." The whole rest of my family moved out
here about 30 years ago from Dallas, and while they are all suburb folk
originally, they have been cowpokes and citizens of the county long
enough to have encountered the drastic far end of the redneck
evolutionary ladder, up close and personal.

Today was Memorial Day, and in the late afternoon my Dad and I drove
from cemetery to cemetery taking down flags. We hit all 6 bone yards in
the western side of the county. ("Hank" did the East.) Earlier this
morning, my father had officiated at a Memorial Day service at the town
square honoring the war dead, and then gone out with flags and poles
and raised them at the cemeteries, so now we were taking them down. I
guess these flags are only used on this holiday. It has been raining
recently, and the landscape -- the beginning of the Texas Hill Country
-- is temporarily as green as Ireland. GORGEOUS.

By chance, I was here last year and helped with the morning stuff, so
this was actually my second time tooling all over the farthest ends of
the county with Pappy, hearing blood curdling stories of the
cow-fucking lowest classes.

He also gave me some further insight into the word *poebucker.*

SubGenii who picked up the word from The Book of the SubGenius
generally assume it to be a derivation of "poor in bucks". In fact
"buckrah" is an African word meaning "master" or "monster," or both,
depending, and "po' buckrah" was the slave term for white trash.
However, since it literally meant "poor master," a poebucker in its
original sense has to be a Caucasian. A poor black person could not be
a poebucker; it would be a shame to appropriate the black slave's slur
word for the only people lower in status than themselves at that time,
the poor white trash, who had NO excuse for living and behaving so
grottily.

I had gotten to where I figured a poebucker was anyone of LOW VALUES,
of any ethnicity potentially. In my naivite I figured that was a less
racist outlook. (Thinking racism that simple is itself racism. And what
we're talking about here is really CLASSISM, not racism.) I have to
admit that the phrase "poebucker", to me, rings a bit false if, in my
very relative elitism, I try to apply it to, say, a black person, or,
say, a Native American. Perhaps because my father only used the word
for wretched white people, I too tend to use it in a racist way, that
is, as a denigration of whites only.

I am aware that the classism of this discussion is probably disgusting
to some people, but at least I can freely admit that any classism I
commit is itself due to my own non-topmost station in the vague
American class system. I'd like to think I was Class X, the people who
transcend class, but let's face it, I have more than a smattering of
poebucker roots myself, despite the illustrious and/or notorious
pedigrees of some ancestors. Like most Americans I'm the product of an
insane mixture of dirt farmers, senators, insane itinerate preachers,
coolies, Founding Fathers, etc. etc. I went to one poebucker normal
school and one rich kid private school. I was always too absent minded
to be slick so the best I could be was cool, and even then only in
specialized ways. So of course I'm jealous of the stupid rich and I'm
disgusted with the stupid poor. And in competition with the stupid
Middle Class, even if only subconsciously.

One thing that all of us Stangs have in common, I realized, is that we
have all withdrawn from the rat race as best we could. I became a
Sacred Scribe of a weird mail order cult and the rest of them became
ranchers, which is a fairly hermetic existence if one wants it to be.
Eventually, after I return here in few years, we'll dump the cows, sell
half the land and wall ourselves off totally. Just get food and
supplies UPSed in. We won't have to see anybody. Gradually we'll
devolve and become weird hidden cow fuckers ourselves.

AND "THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE" WILL NO LONGER BE JUST A LOW BUDGET
MOVIE!! It'll be a LIVE WEBCAM STREAM!

Praise "Bob" and Don't Mess with Strange Texas

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: bobdiddley@aol.com (Bobdiddley)

Mammy sez, so she does:
>But there are outlying villages, remote poebucker encampments,
>moonshiner caves and hillbilly cowfucker murderer cabins only 20
>minutes deeper into Darkest Texas. Seriously -- hillbilly COW-FUCKING
>MURDERERS. The kind that pray, and believe in God, and prefer to fuck
>freshly killed cows instead of live ones when possible, because "then
>it probably doesn't hurt them." The whole rest of my family moved out
>here about 30 years ago from Dallas, and while they are all suburb folk
>originally, they have been cowpokes and citizens of the county long
>enough to have encountered the drastic far end of the redneck
>evolutionary ladder, up close and personal.

See what I say? Mammy informs AND entertains, while others just blather. More
Mammy!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: mshotz@aol.commonkeypo (Rev. Richard Skull)

>I, Stang, got me a dose of some for-real down-home Americanania today.

Well, a good topical creame can clear it up!

>hillbilly cowfucker murderer cabins only 20
>minutes deeper into Darkest Texas. Seriously -- hillbilly COW-FUCKING
>MURDERERS.
>The kind that pray, and believe in God, and prefer to fuck
>freshly killed cows instead of live ones when possible, because "then
>it probably doesn't hurt them."

That potentially sounds like just about 90% of Texas.

>Today was Memorial Day, and in the late afternoon my Dad and I drove
>from cemetery to cemetery taking down flags. We hit all 6 bone yards in
>the western side of the county. ("Hank" did the East.) Earlier this
>morning, my father had officiated at a Memorial Day service at the town
>square honoring the war dead, and then gone out with flags and poles
>and raised them at the cemeteries, so now we were taking them down. I
>guess these flags are only used on this holiday.

They have to get them back to the Chinese Embassy by 7:00 PM or they get
charged an extra days rent.

>By chance, I was here last year and helped with the morning stuff, so
>this was actually my second time tooling all over the farthest ends of
>the county with Pappy, hearing blood curdling stories of the
>cow-fucking lowest classes.

You need to document these tales for future generations. 50 Years from now,
nobody would believe that a place like texas even existed if we do not record
the eyewitness accounts of it normal activities.

>One thing that all of us Stangs have in common, I realized, is that we
>have all withdrawn from the rat race as best we could.

Ah! Indeed, I wish I could do the same! But I am stuck in the Death Spiral of
normality that is this pink land we live in.

>Eventually, after I return here in few years, we'll dump the cows, sell
>half the land and wall ourselves off totally. Just get food and
>supplies UPSed in. We won't have to see anybody. Gradually we'll
>devolve and become weird hidden cow fuckers ourselves.

Kind of like the Branch Davidians, excpet with out the inbreeding.

MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man

There's no such thing as a soul! Its just something they made up to scare
little kids, like the Boogie-Man or Michael Jackson!.

Bart SImpson

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Alliekatt" <alleykatzen@hotmail.com>

"Mammy" <mammy@NOSPAM-toast.net> wrote:
> I, Stang, got me a dose of some for-real down-home Americanania today.

Lucky you, you get to be a temporary Yankthropologist, I have to manage them
constantly via their churches, selling them pictures of themselves, so that
when Dad gets drunk and beats the kids, the movie of their lives can pan
from the beating to the portrait of their smiling faces when I told them to
say "chocolate belly buttons" or some stupid shit, and fade out with the
screaming in the background soundtrack in an award winning moment of
ingenious ironic cinematography.

> But there are outlying villages, remote poebucker encampments,
> moonshiner caves and hillbilly cowfucker murderer cabins only 20
> minutes deeper into Darkest Texas. Seriously -- hillbilly COW-FUCKING
> MURDERERS. The kind that pray, and believe in God, and prefer to fuck
> freshly killed cows instead of live ones when possible, because "then
> it probably doesn't hurt them."

For some reason I find hillpaddy sheep-fucking punchdrunks who live in rock
huts in Darkest Cork to be much more forgivable for the sin of being white.
But that's probably because they pray and believe in Mary and all kinds of
cool fucked up fairy stuff.

> I am aware that the classism of this discussion is probably disgusting
> to some people, but at least I can freely admit that any classism I
> commit is itself due to my own non-topmost station in the vague
> American class system.

It's not that vague. It is entirely dictated by money.

This is why your church is confusing to the class conscious. It is a
seriously laughable antipro- nonlibertarian pseudoideological anticonspiracy
conspiracy dependent on greedy volunteerism. This is why I like it better
than all the others. It is the first true upwelling of an intact
interpretation of exclusively American Zen that can be attributed to a
wholeness in the inane insanity of our greedy and pointless culture. This
is also why I give you money when I can by buying shit, so that we all can
eventually buy SubGenius pro-frop lobbyists and become polluted by greed or
else just help you retire comfortably.

> I'd like to think I was Class X, the people who
> transcend class, but let's face it, I have more than a smattering of
> poebucker roots myself, despite the illustrious and/or notorious
> pedigrees of some ancestors. Like most Americans I'm the product of an
> insane mixture of dirt farmers, senators, insane itinerate preachers,
> coolies, Founding Fathers, etc. etc. I went to one poebucker normal
> school and one rich kid private school. I was always too absent minded
> to be slick so the best I could be was cool, and even then only in
> specialized ways. So of course I'm jealous of the stupid rich and I'm
> disgusted with the stupid poor. And in competition with the stupid
> Middle Class, even if only subconsciously.

Notice the word stupid surfaces repeatedly and it has something to do with
hating it when you see them slide by on stupidity, when you know Darwin
would have caught _you_. That shit pisses me off too. This is why "Bob"
deserves a bullet in the head and why I never pay attention to anyone,
unless they are truly willing to give me what I want, whether it is love,
affection, fun, attention, information, money, dinner, a backrub, a big
penis, agreement, a beer, or themselves as a post on which I can scrawl my
scorn and ridicule and piss on afterward. And, of course, the opportunity
to exchange one of those in my possession for something of theirs I don't
have.

There is nothing to which I or anyone _needs_ to live down, up, sideways,
horizontal, for, against, or on an X Y or Z axis.

That's the problem with American Pinks, they ask for too fucking much, and
fully expect you to follow along. Thanks to competition, they want you to
lick their buttcracks for hours before they give you a dime, whether or not
they actually want a damn thing, and same goes for religion. And if you
don't, you have an attitude problem. Why invest $30 in tangible Slack when
Jesus has the better deal, can save your ass from nothing...FOR nothing, and
his salesmen are so damn ready to spend hours trying to give you the best
possible deal ON nothing? I think that's why Slack is so hard to sell; it
costs $1, or $30 if you're serious, simply requires reading, agreeing, and
throwing money at Slack salesmen in agreement. The act of conversion is a
personal investment that requires far too much time unless they fuck me
repeatedly in thanks and gratitude.

> Praise "Bob" and Don't Mess with Strange Texas

alliekatt

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

Alliekatt wrote:
> For some reason I find hillpaddy sheep-fucking punchdrunks who live in rock
> huts in Darkest Cork to be much more forgivable for the sin of being white.
> But that's probably because they pray and believe in Mary and all kinds of
> cool fucked up fairy stuff.

That's simply because you're queer for bogtrotters. Not meaning this
as condemnation or criticism, just something I noticed about you.
They can do no wrong in your eyes because they waft the stink of peat
your way and to you it smells like rosebuds. Don't even try to argue
about this. It's obvious.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

Mammy wrote:
> I, Stang,
>
> SubGenii who picked up the word from The Book of the SubGenius
> generally assume it to be a derivation of "poor in bucks". In fact
> "buckrah" is an African word meaning "master" or "monster," or both,
> depending, and "po' buckrah" was the slave term for white trash.
> However, since it literally meant "poor master," a poebucker in its
> original sense has to be a Caucasian. A poor black person could not be
> a poebucker; it would be a shame to appropriate the black slave's slur
> word for the only people lower in status than themselves at that time,
> the poor white trash, who had NO excuse for living and behaving so
> grottily.
>
> I had gotten to where I figured a poebucker was anyone of LOW VALUES,
> of any ethnicity potentially. In my naivite I figured that was a less
> racist outlook. (Thinking racism that simple is itself racism. And what
> we're talking about here is really CLASSISM, not racism.) I have to
> admit that the phrase "poebucker", to me, rings a bit false if, in my
> very relative elitism, I try to apply it to, say, a black person, or,
> say, a Native American. Perhaps because my father only used the word
> for wretched white people, I too tend to use it in a racist way, that
> is, as a denigration of whites only.

I have always been very comfortable with the racist/classist use of
the term. Poebuckers deserve a unique term because they manifest
their CLASS in a way unique to their RACE. That is, the lower their
class, the more adamant they are about looking down on someone else or
manifesting an aggressive defense of their squalor. Because of an
ingrained belief that their reference group (White People) were the
dominant force of the small segment of human history and geography of
which they have been made aware, the poebucker still believes itself
to be to some degree a LORD OF CREATION. That's why the crappiest
rundown beat up shed with five broke down trucks in the yard is
protected by the most threatening signs and fiercest dogs, why the
most beat up truck has the most scatalogical-aggressive bumper
stickers, why the scrawniest bucktooth moron wears a torn up Harley
Davidson T-shirt even though he's never sat on one. Compensation.

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Original file name: Memorial Day Contrastiness.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05