Fortean Horny Toads, Daughters

From: Mammy <mammy@NOSPAM-toast.net>
Date: Tue, Jun 24, 2003

This is really Rev. Stang, using my ma's computer in Texas. (I go back
to Ohio tomorrow.)

I am pretty sure that today I saw a living Horny Toad running across my
folks' driveway, which is basically a long dirt road in rural North
Central Texas. I stopped the car and got out to see if I could find the
creature and positively identify it, but the crafty little fellow had
vanished.

The Horny Toad is known slightly more scientifically as the Horned
Lizard. There are many varieties... or WERE. When I was growing up in
Fort Worth in the late 50s, early 60s, "Horn Toads" were so numerous
that they literally got underfoot. We kids loved them because they were
so numerous, easy to catch, harmless, yet fearsome-looking, like little
Triceratopses.

I haven't seen a live one since I was about 13... maybe 1966 or so.
Their extinction, in North Texas at least, has been attributed to
everything from DDT to Fire Ants to 12-year-old boys.

AND YET I DO BELIEVE THAT THE SQUAT, SHORT-TAILED, SPIKY-HEADED,
SCURRYING LIZARD THAT I SAW TODAY WAS IN POINT OF FACT A LIVING HORNY
TOAD!

When I got to the house, I rushed in and told my dad, my mom's nurse,
and her teenage son what I had seen. The nurse and her son say they
have seen two things they thought were Horny Toads in their yard
recently. Like me, the nurse hadn't seen a live one in decades.

Could be a false alarm, but the very possibility had me hopping around
with joy. It means that the dream of gigantic dinosaur-sized mutant
Horny Toads is no longer just a vain fantasy, but, thanks to Forbidden
Science, a VAGUE POSSIBILITY!!

************

In other local news, on Saturday my son Ydnax was successfully married
to MY NEW DAUGHTER-IN-LAW, ((NAME WITHHELD)). The rehearsal dinner,
wedding, and reception (in Texas Discovery Gardens at the State
Fairgrounds!) went off without a hitch. My ex- and current wives were
all in the same room together, and NO GUNPLAY RESULTED. In fact,
everyone worked together on the decorations and so on. Saw all my old
and young in-laws, met various new and old in-laws, wore a nice suit
and a revised mullet. It was Church of Christ meets Church of the
SubGenius... with Jesus and Magdalen videotaping!

When I got remarried 3 years ago, and Wei tossed the bouquet, it flew
way off course and my SON ended up catching it. At my son's wedding,
when his new bride tossed the bouquet, who should catch it but my
unmarried DAUGHTER, SIVET!

When I get home tomorrow, I will have 3 days in which to get everything
caught up and ready for 6X-Day, before my guests start arriving.

I have decided that, between filling swag orders and everything else, I
am going to TRY to further edit the 5X-Day videotapes that I have, mine
and Sinphaltimus's. Wei and I made notes while watching the rough cut,
and I think it's doable if I don't stop to add the BLIND DATE-style
thought balloons and funny subtitles that I WANT to add. Not to sell --
no one buys X-Day tapes -- just to SHOW, on Dr. Dark's drive-in screen
one night.

I might be CRAZY. But, F'EITCTAJ.

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Original file name: Fortean Horny Toads,#1AD083.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05