NE Ohio Skull duggery

From: "iDRMRSR" <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>
Date: Sat, Jan 31, 2004

Before K mart, before Wal Mart, and before even the warehouse drug stores
that have all closed now, in these parts, the place to go for a solid
bargain was Marc's. Used to be only one of them, now they are all over the
area. They started out selling those little travel samples of toiletries
for pennies on the dollar, such that for twenty years everybody's armpits
hereabouts have been rendered sweet smelling at dirt cheap prices.

It's one of the paramount reasons anybody even stays in this area any more.
Lately they've expanded their product line to include whatever crap they can
gather that can be rubbed or introduced into the body, or used in the
preparation thereof. Why, five years ago they had a complete set of all the
Microsoft Database product manuals (one release prior), HTML books, stuff
like that. Things that are still useful but soon doomed to the crap heap.

You can't go into Marc's without ending up with a cart full of crap. It'll
set you back about $50, but you'll have like a year's supply of canned
oysters, clam juice, douches, toilet paper, Coke products, cheap figurines,
pet toys, suntan lotion (in winter), and a variety of name brand cosmetics
and toiletries that are just about to go stale, a little off their normal
smells and colors, but useful just the same. A bargain hunter's paradise.

Well, they dun went a little TOO far buying up the near-crap that other
people didn't even claim from the warehouse:

http://www.newsnet5.com/news/2808702/detail.html

[*]
-----

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From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

THE WEIRDEST THING!! Wei and I were JUST in a Marc's parking lot (on
the way to Tar-Zhay) and I was asking her what that store was and she
described it MUCH like you just did, sans armpit references, and said
"If you go in there to pick up toilet paper, you'll be leaving with a
cart full of crap you didn't need at all but was SO CHEAP that you'd
feel crazy to pass it up... like 15 toothbrushes for a dollar."

She says your description of their origins is exactly right. She says
these are different from "dollar stores". "They have NO FULL TIME
WORKERS and NO UNION... so they can do what the fuck they want with the
employees, AND THEY DO!" -- Wei

"iDRMRSR" <idrmrsr@subgenius.com> wrote:
> It'll
> set you back about $50, but you'll have like a year's supply of canned
> oysters, clam juice, douches, toilet paper, Coke products, cheap figurines,
> pet toys, suntan lotion (in winter), and a variety of name brand cosmetics
> and toiletries that are just about to go stale, a little off their normal
> smells and colors, but useful just the same. A bargain hunter's paradise.
>
> Well, they dun went a little TOO far buying up the near-crap that other
> people didn't even claim from the warehouse:
>
> http://www.newsnet5.com/news/2808702/detail.html
>
> [*]
> -----

CLEVELAND, Ohio -- Forensic investigators will attempt to determine if
12 apparently ceramic figurines purchased at a discount store's
warehouse in Miami are made partly from human skulls.

The police chief of Brook Park, Ohio, says one of the figurines at a
Marc's warehouse in Ohio cracked, revealing what appeared to be bone.

Police said Marc's purchased the items at a U.S. Department of Treasury
Customs auction in Miami on Jan. 15. A buyer for Marc's bought more
than $100,000 worth of seized or unclaimed property, such as clay pots,
clothing, and baseballs, to be sold in Marc's stores across northeast
Ohio.

The chief says the figurines were sent to a coroner's office for
evaluation.
****************************

When I was in Brazil, G. Gordon Gordon and wife showed me and my kids a
graveyard that had an ostuary -- a dumpster sized concrete bin
containing the bones of poor folks whose time in the tombs had run out.
Fresher dead poor had been put in the tombs and now it was the Bone
Dumpster for them. I guess if you die poor, your family is billed for a
temporary place in which you can rot with dignity.

The concrete lid was slid partly off and we could see the femurs and
skulls and shoulder blades, many still with bits of dried meat on them.
Had I been a really disrespectful person I could have swiped a little
skull. I was REALLY tempted to.

Where the po' bones go after the Holy Concrete Dumpster -- I dunno.
Fertilizer? Soilent Green booster mix? Hamburger Helper? Are human
bones really worth so much less than pottery clay that that they're
used as "filler" to make the clay go farther? What are the white chips
in the gravel lining those rich South Americans' driveways?

"CERAMIC FIGURINES...." My first thought was to find a Marc's and start
looking for possible misplaced contraband shipments, like Virgin Mary
statues that you bust open and 10 pounds of cocaine, or diamonds, in
plastic bags tumbles out. Skulls, big whoo. "I ain't afraid of all them
fuckin' skulls and shit" -- that loop Chaz plays all the damn time,
increasing my fuck-cutting load

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
PRABOB

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From: drdark@37.com (DoktorDark)

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote:
> When I was in Brazil, G. Gordon Gordon and wife showed me and my kids a
> graveyard that had an ostuary -- a dumpster sized concrete bin
> containing the bones of poor folks whose time in the tombs had run out.
> Fresher dead poor had been put in the tombs and now it was the Bone
> Dumpster for them. I guess if you die poor, your family is billed for a
> temporary place in which you can rot with dignity.
>
> The concrete lid was slid partly off and we could see the femurs and
> skulls and shoulder blades, many still with bits of dried meat on them.
> Had I been a really disrespectful person I could have swiped a little
> skull. I was REALLY tempted to.

Neat-O. I had the same feeling whilst touring the Paris Catacombs last
summer, after also taking the more famous Sewer Tour. Anyway, what
makes the Paris Catacombs memorable is that it is an artificial cave
1-2 miles long, underneath the busy city streets of historic central
Paris, containing the bones of SIX MILLION dead Parisians from the
18th century & earlier. They're stacked artfully (how else, so near
the Louvre) with femurs/tibias on the edges of both sides of the
passages, with decorative patterns of skulls woven throughout & the
ribs & smaller bones contained within the "walls" of limb
bones/skulls. Tourists are warned about "no souvenirs" but, as with
many civil service jobs, the 2 employees that were supposed to frisk
you at the end were on break or something, watching a TV show in an
adjoining office & ignoring their charges headed upstairs at the end.
What is interested about how it started is that the dead were
"rezoned" out of their graveyards as Paris expanded when - due to lack
of space for an expanding city - existing graveyards were outlawed &
the dead were dug up for stacking in the Stygian ossuary below, a
great sight not to miss when in Paris. Make no bones about it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)

drdark@37.com (DoktorDark) wrote:
> "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote in message
>>>rot with dignity.
>>>>>>> Make no bones about it.

Now THERE are two phrases that should be spliced into yet ANOTHER
loop and look Stang, no "fucks" to edit out. I once made a loop of
Martin Sheen in "Apocalypse Now" saying "I'd wake up and there'd be
nothing I'd wake up and there'd be nothing I'd wake up and there'd be
nothing I'd wake up and there'd be nothing." Creeped people RIGHT the
hell out, especially mixed low in the background during a live talk
show. Boy, this is one sick church, but that's religion for you.

HellPope Huey / www.subgenius.com
Remember, in the world of Dobbs,
every journey begins with a single CHAIN-YANK.

"Welcome to Hawaii! How'd you get here in a car?"
- "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing.
It's not holding a charge.
- Edward Chilton

http://www.neomonsterisland.com/a_archives/001/001/lemonsours.htm

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From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote:
> "I ain't afraid of all them
> fuckin' skulls and shit" -- that loop Chaz plays all the damn time,
> increasing my fuck-cutting load

I want to hear that entire sentence right there made into a loop and
played over and over and over until people's fuckin' skulls start to
emit steam. Not mine, I'm used to it.

HellPope Huey / www.subgenius.com
Remember, in the world of Dobbs,
every journey begins with a single CHAIN-YANK.

"Welcome to Hawaii! How'd you get here in a car?"
- "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing.
It's not holding a charge.
- Edward Chilton

http://www.neomonsterisland.com/a_archives/001/001/lemonsours.htm

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Original file name: NE Ohio Skull duggery.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05