Secrets of the Kabbalah

From: "Talysman the Ur-Beatle" <talysman+usenet@gmail.com>
Date: Thu, Aug 5, 2004

[ slight edit of something I just posted to ARK ]

someone reminded me this morning that Madonna changed her name to Esther
for kabbalistic reasons. her and Britney Spears are now wearing little red
"kabbalah pals 4 life" bracelets.

so, I'm sure a number of you people are not wondering what this kabbalah
stuff is, anyways, and I have decided to inform you... out of spite.

the kabbalah is a form of jewish druidism; kabbalists worship a tree, known
in mystical circles as "The Tree of Life" or "Easy Money". that tree has
all these round christmas ornaments on it (which is ok, because christmas
trees are really from norse paganism and have little if anything to do with
christianity.)

the christmas ornaments reflect the grandeur and glory of the christmas
star at the top of the tree, which is in itself merely reflecting light
from some invisible source. since you can't see the source of the light,
the only way to truly understand it is via its countless reflections on the
ornaments.

also, you can climb the tree by jumping from ornament to ornament until you
reach the star at the top, where you will be rewarded with a prize.
however, you have to avoid falling when you make that final leap to the
top, because there's a substantial gap.

jumping is done by means of little plastic cars, which you can fill with
one-legged children as you make your way from ornament to ornament. the
girls are all named Peg.

kabbalah has insinuated itself mysteriously into pop culture in many ways.
for example, the klingon word Q'PLAH is really just a distortion of
KABBALAH, which reflects the radical klingon kabbalah. klingon kabbalists
climb the Tree of Life by jumping from enemy to enemy, then disembowling
the baby jesus when they reach the star at the top.

there's also something about playing scrabble and making up acronyms from
people's names. it's very complicated.

--
Talysman the Ur-Beatle, CENTRAL SPIRITUALIZER

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From: "Revi Shankar" <me3@privacy.net>

This would be good as a version of "Lemmings"!

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From: Zapanas <http://joecosby.com/code/mail.pl>

lol

You forgot the angry dog who sits just below the top of the tree and
when you make the final leap, you have to look out because he jumps up
and eats you, and if he eats you, you WIN.

It's like snakes 'n ladders for mean kids.

--
Zapanas
Grand Master of the Satanic Conspiracy
http://joecosby.com/
"We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients.
But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces,
and this is what annoys me."

-Jack Handey

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From: asscoassc@aol.com (AssCo Assc)

<< It's like snakes 'n ladders for mean kids. >>

A cosmic pachinko game.

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From: "ghost" <ghost@ghost.net>

And then at the bottom the Tree gets inverted and filled full of nasty ugly
inverto demons what are only shells but which will fuck the empty shell of
your eyeless soul with glass knives.... that's called the Qlip-qlop.

Oh, and on top of the one tree is one other tree and on top of that tree
there's the one super tree.

It's all in the Sapphire Yog-Sothoth.

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From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>

Talysman the Ur-Beatle wrote:
> [ slight edit of something I just posted to ARK ]
>
> someone reminded me this morning that Madonna changed her name to Esther
> for kabbalistic reasons. her and Britney Spears are now wearing little red
> "kabbalah pals 4 life" bracelets.
>
> so, I'm sure a number of you people are not wondering what this kabbalah
> stuff is, anyways, and I have decided to inform you... out of spite.

[TYPICAL KIBOLOGIST LIES, EXFOLIATED! Didn't think I could DO that, huh!]

Kabbalah has nothing to do with jumping on christmas ornaments in plastic cars.

Kabbalah is an ancient pagan cult whose main deity was known as Cadaver Dog, and
who worshiped him at the altar of the Dale Earnhardt Snowman Water Globe
(Color: Dale Earnhardt) http://www.mvp.com/product/index.jsp?productId=1334117
The Dale Earnhardt Water Globe was carefully positioned with its back to the
East, thereby indicating Cadaver Dog's disdain for the Easter Bunny ("What safe
and nicely I might well delay By rule of knighthood, I disdain and spurn.")
In the Cult of Kabbalah, Cadaver Dog leads the dead down the trail of dog's
cabbage (Theligonum cynocrambe: http://tinyurl.com/6fuwl) to the "Great Day Off",
what christians call "heaven".

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Original file name: Secrets of the Kabbalah.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05