I live near a Lutheran Ghetto

From: iDRMRSR <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>
Date: Fri, Sep 5, 2003

I never noticed before, but there are five or six Lutheran organizations
practically next door to me. A high school, couple churches, that sort
of thing.

I don't know much about Lutherans, but I'm getting worried. There was a
local bomb threat against a Lutheran church on the West Side.

I mean, I'm not Lutheran at all. I hope it's not TOO apparent to them.
I don't want their plain dressed agents spying on me and sending reports
on my activities to the Synod (whichever one it happens to be).

Indeed, I don't want to get into the crossfire between warring Lutheran
Synods, exchanging gunfire or even some kind of emanations. That's bad
JooJoo. Lutheran agents flying over in black holycopters and such.

Perhaps coming into my condo early on Sunday, binding me, and dragging
me to one of their churches. This sort of thing creeps me out.

Now whenever I walk around here, I expect some mild mannered Lutheran to
point at me and shreik that same alien yell they did in those old 50s
movies when an Outsider walked by, you know, one who wasn't taken over
by a pod or spore or other instrument of obedience. I begin to wonder
if I should do a little research and see if I can, at least on the
surface, adopt some characteristics of their dress and mannerisms, just
to get by without being spotted.

This is getting to be quite serious. I have to drive past no less than
4 Lutheran establishments to get to the nearest McDonalds. Plenty of
opportunity for them to "out" me as I drive by. I'm just a sitting
duck.

I fully expect someone to leave a small, plain wooden XiFiX in my
mailbox or something just to taunt me. I'm pretty sure I have reason to
be afraid. After all, I knew nothing of Islam and look what happened.
I know less about Lutheranism, so the potential is even more fearsome.

[*]
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From: "Leonard the Committed" <ccssk@N0SPAMchartermi.net>

> I don't know much about Lutherans, but I'm getting worried. There was a
> local bomb threat against a Lutheran church on the West Side.

My 10 year old daughter is being brainwashed by that cult, and I've
actually attended a couple of thier services. They dont seem to be too bad
a folk near as I can tell, just be careful when they ask you to "kneel
before the offering place" That can get pretty ugly!

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From: "nu-monet v6.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

I had a Lutheran professor once. He was teaching
about the Reformation, too. Once he started going
over the Catholic-Lutheran arguments, taking both
sides in debating himself before the class, he was
so spaced out that he continued on after the class
was over.

Later that semester he excommunicated the class,
using the proper Catholic ritual. He even had a
bell, book and candle as props.

I accidently set him off, unintentionally, when I
asked him a question about "Lutherism". Longest
answer to a non-question I have ever heard.

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From: "Leonard the Committed" <ccssk@N0SPAMchartermi.net>

My ex goes to that church, so thats why my daughter does. It's been kinda
cute interjectng idea's to her like "god gave daddy cancer on his tongue cuz
he dos'nt like what daddy says about him" She's starting to figure some things out
now!

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From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)

iDRMRSR <idrmrsr@subgenius.com> wrote:
> I fully expect someone to leave a small, plain wooden XiFiX in my
> mailbox or something just to taunt me. I'm pretty sure I have reason to
> be afraid. After all, I knew nothing of Islam and look what happened.
> I know less about Lutheranism, so the potential is even more fearsome.

You are right to be afraid. The Christians who are not outright
in-your-face insane might still infect you or your neighbors with
terminal Lameness, which is a more insidious enemy, as it creeps
through the night on quiet feet. Don't forget the large number of
people who went to see "The Exorcist" and immediately thought they
were being demon-possessed. They WERE, just not in the manner they
thought to be occurring. SUBGENIUS, BEWARE!!

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
with big red straps

If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing.
- Kingsley Amis

"Her nipples were perkier than Mary Hart after a line of cocaine."
- Jim Davis, "Tough Crowd"

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Original file name: I live near a Luther#192F24.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05