The Late Bagger Guy

From: "nu-monet v6.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
Date: Mon, Apr 12, 2004

The Bagger Guy was in his mid-20s, I would guess,
and was a good employee of this local grocery store
I frequent. They like to hire retarded people to
work as baggers, as they are far better workers
than the typical, showing up regularly and on time
and doing what they are told.
And the Bagger Guy was one of their best.

He was always friendly, grinning but with a low
depth of emotional realization--no real confidence
that he was correctly interpreting what other people
were thinking, so always a little guarded. His real
identifier was a loud and strong "Hey-Ho!", as an
all-purpose greeting.

I had gotten into the habit of "Hey-Ho!"-ing him
with the same voice that he used, which he didn't
see as a parody, but as reassurance that I was
greeting him back. For this reason, the other
checkers and baggers assumed I was his friend
in some way.

Well, he died a few days ago. My checker that day
told me as I was checking out.

I was going to go back and get a condolence card for
his family, but she volunteered that there was a wake
at his and his father's condo right next door to the
grocery store all day that day, if I wanted to stop
on by. "And be sure to bring a few cans of cat food,"
she said, cryptically, "if you really want a treat."

Puzzled and curious, I got both a card and signed it
and three cans of cat food, figuring that he had a
favorite cat or something.

His father greeted me at the door and I offered the
card. He took it, then said "You want to meet the
cats?", inviting me through the condo to the patio.
It was just a concrete pad surrounded by a small
wood fence about six feet high, a couple of chairs
and a BBQ.

"HEY-HO!" he yelled. Within a few seconds, cats
started pouring over the fence, maybe ten or twelve,
in the easily recognized pussy cat feeding frenzy
mode of meows.

I was certainly glad that the catfood cans were the
pull-top type and not the can opener type.

It was incredibly cool. A daily ritual for the
bagger guy for years. I ended up going back to the
store for more cans.

None of the cats were his, but that didn't matter.
He just liked cats.

--
"Mars was destroyed with weapons from the future.
There, does that make you feel any better?"
-- nu-monet

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "EllisDee" <fxtrt22@yahoo.com>

Lovely, truely heartwarming story.
A beacon of Slack in an otherwise cynical newsgroup.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: smellypoontang@fastmail.fm (Karl Marx)

sure.......if you like stories about reetards and cat food.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "EllisDee" <fxtrt22@yahoo.com>

.....meow....duh....
.....meow....duh....
.....meow....duh....
.....meow....duh....
.....meow....duh....
.....meow....duh....

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "nikolai kingsley" <nikolai@broadway.net.au>

smellypoontang@fastmail.fm (Karl Marx)wrote:
> > Lovely, truely heartwarming story.
> > A beacon of Slack in an otherwise cynical newsgroup.
>
> sure.......if you like stories about reetards and cat food.

and who doesn't?

seriously. we're all pretty decent people underneath the cynicism, despite
our CONSTANT GNAWING AWAY AT THE ROOTS OF SOCIETY LIKE THE PLAGUE RATS WE
RESEMBLE.

nikolai

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)

smellypoontang@fastmail.fm (Karl Marx) wrote in message news:<e747f714.0404122347.9d27c33@posting.google.com>...
> "EllisDee" wrote:
>
> > Lovely, truely heartwarming story.
> > A beacon of Slack in an otherwise cynical newsgroup.
>
> sure.......if you like stories about reetards and cat food.

How could I not? The Church is largely made UP of retards and cat
food. A few high-performing reetards, to be sure, but hey, OUR Special
Olympics are Spectacular and often avoiding litigation by the thinnest
of margins. This is a swell thing and so is my penis.

HellPope Huey
If the neighbors play rock, beat 'em with sticks;
If they play rap, kneecap them;
but if they play opera, shoot 'em in the EYE.

"Tap into people's dignity
and they will do anything for you.
Ignore it and they won't lift a finger."
- Thomas Friedman

"Somebody tell the Swiss to stop
standing in the doorway
with a mouse in their mouth."
- "The West Wing"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>

In article <c5gnqf$1fkuo$1@ID-193832.news.uni-berlin.de>, nikolai
kingsley <nikolai@broadway.net.au> wrote:

> > > Lovely, truely heartwarming story.
> > > A beacon of Slack in an otherwise cynical newsgroup.
> >
> > sure.......if you like stories about reetards and cat food.
>
>
> and who doesn't?
>
> seriously. we're all pretty decent people underneath the cynicism, despite
> our CONSTANT GNAWING AWAY AT THE ROOTS OF SOCIETY LIKE THE PLAGUE RATS WE
> RESEMBLE.

"Hey, I resemble that remark!" -- St. Curly

I have a retarded bagger buddy story too. My retarded bagger buddy was
bagging my crap at Kroker's in Dallas one da,y and we were both
marvelling at the cover of The Weekly World News which I was
purchasing. On the cover it had an excellent, clear photo of the Loch
Ness Monster and her new baby, beached and, tragically, dying. I
stupidly said, "Man, those computer art programs sure have made for
some great Loch Ness Monster photos!" and the nice retarded bagger guy
said, in all sincerity, "Yes, and it says here that she was almost 900
years old."

I felt like SUCH A JERK just for even THINKING about Photoshop. He was
thinking about the poor dying monster and her poor orphaned baby
monster.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>

Maybe he was being obtusely sarcastic.

That would've been my assumption and would've laughed at
his dead pan joke.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>

Retarded guys and people like me get used to that.

--
Joe Cosby

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: polar bear <bear@pole.com>

"EllisDee" <fxtrt22@yahoo.com> wrote:
> Lovely, truely heartwarming story.
> A beacon of Slack in an otherwise cynical newsgroup.

he left out the part where they bag the cats and sell them to a chinese
restaurant

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: mshotz@aol.commonkeypo (Rev. Richard Skull)

nu-monet v6.0 wrote:
>None of the cats were his, but that didn't matter.
>He just liked cats.

Or chinese cooking

MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man

Up one level
Back to document index

Original file name: The Late Bagger Guy.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05